These pictures were taken this past weekend....which is something I want to share more about, but not right now. You see this weekend has been a challenge to me and I have to write about it. I have to think about what it means to me on a deep level and this is a way to help me process.
The last couple of weeks in general have been an extra challenge because on top of being sick.....one of our little ones has regressed with behaviors. Some people call it this or that- let's just say it is HARD no matter what you call it- what letters it has- it is ugly. It is NOT God's plan for them. It is HARD ON EVERYONE. It has consumed A LOT of extra time!!!!
That being said......we almost missed church this past Sunday- yeah....won't go into details but seriously THAT BAD!!! Spiritual Attacks from all sides. Not going to lie - it wasn't good. But then determined we went to the 1pm service at our church- WHICH WE LOVE by the way.
Our pastor spoke on "The Mountain". You know the Stuff that stands in our way and belittles us....makes us feel sooooo inadequate. For me it just makes me ache for heaven- because all of that will melt away. I want a magic answer- you know pray and all will be well, but that isn't how it works. So many people say- well my grandma died, or my dad walked out, or I got cancer so there must not be a God. I am NOT saying those aren't hard things- THEY ARE MORE THAN THAT!!!! BUT it isn't a reason to not believe.....so why are those problems still there? Why doesn't God move them out of our way? I mean HE CAN!!!! HELLO He created the Heavens and the Earth!!!!!
So what does that mean? Our pastor talked about Shouting at the Mountain- you know yelling at it long enough to go away. Yeah- done that this week. Running into the mountain- you know if I could just be a better _________ I will run into the mountain and it will crumble. Tried that too this week. Trying to ignore the mountain- this is not really something I have tried lately, but in the past - yep. Or Lamenting the mountain- "sitting in the mud puddle" as my blog friend puts it. DONE THAT A LOT THIS WEEK!!!!
So why is this pain not going away? Some will say- just deal with it already- but that doesn't help because you see that HUGE MONSTROUS LOOKING MOUNTAIN is STILL STARING ME IN THE FACE!!!
Because sometimes God is waiting......for us......get this......to have enough of ourselves. OUCH!!!!! Are you tired of yourself already??? - because right now.....I know I am. I have failed tooo many times to count and that is just today! God is waiting saying if you want to try shouting, running, lamenting, or ignoring you can try that as loooonnnnggggg as you want. I will still be here when you are through....waiting patiently like the prodigal son to return. I am not going anywhere- my heart still yearns for you to come to me, but instead we keep "fighting" that mountain.
God says as we stop our attempts to "take down the mountain ourselves"....are you done? GREAT - now He whispers- GRACE!!! You didn't hear that? GRACE- a little louder God- GRACE GRACE GRACE GRACE GRACE- over and over and over and over until our feeble minds start to see it. It's not the mountain moving, our pain hasn't gone away, but God is still whispering- GRACE!!!! MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU!!!! You have plans, but I plan your footsteps. This burden will become a Blessing, but only through my hands. It is NOT that God hurts us, or wants to cause us pain, but there are soo many times that we are through- finished- we gave up- we are DONE, and that is when God smiles and says to us- have you had enough of yourself?
Do you want to see and trust in me- GRACE! Do you want to know my heart- GRACE! Do you really want to know how to follow me- GRACE! Do you want to get rid of your anger, hate, buried deep below- GRACE!!!
WE have to decide if what we want is more important or if wanting God is most important? We have to TRUST and the ONLY way to do that is GRACE! GRACE directly from God's Hands. Will you and I step forward today to receive that GRACE?
New International Version (NIV)
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
What is most important.....what God wants or what we want? GRACE to all of you!!!!
Needed that tonight!ReplyDelete
Praying for your storms as God uses you to rebuild little hearts. This was such a beautiful post. Now if I can just hold on that while satan bombards me. Most of the time I can, but....there are times....ugg. :)ReplyDelete
Your weekend sounds like mine and yes I have had enough of myself and enough of that mountain- Grace!ReplyDelete
Great post! Saying prayers for the children that need a home and for you dear friend!
Grace and peace to you, girlfriend.ReplyDelete
Praying for you through this, and thanks so much for the encouragement!ReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing. I am so DONE with the numerous mountains that are surrounding me! I really have lost sight of any hope beyond the mountains. Thanks for your continued prayers.ReplyDelete
I tweeted and sending out prayers!ReplyDelete
Do the people who adopt those boys have to be from those two states? Just curious I was going to ask around and might know some people in my area but I don't know anyone in those states.ReplyDelete
You have encouraged me soooooo much today!! I had this same "epiphany" recently!! I'm so tired of MYSELF..the ugly, the need to control...sooo ready for the LORD to take over...cause I WANT MORE of HIM and LESS of ME!:) AMEN!ReplyDelete
At this time they are open to whichever states...I think it was more of a logistical thing to start with than an absolute. PLEASE if you are interested- EMAIL me :) !!!!!ReplyDelete
Thanks so much for the reminder!!!!ReplyDelete
We don't know each other but I saw your comment on Andrea's blog regarding adopting waiting children. It was a real encouragement to me since we are adopting from Ethiopia. We honestly don't care if we get an infant, boy, girl, or sibling group. (Our youngest daughter just turned 6 months and we are with an agency that requires we maintain birth order so that is the only reason...however with the long wait in Ethiopia we are hoping to extend our age perameters as time goes on...) We are approved for special needs as well, and I just wanted to say that your comment was helpful for me. I completely understand the need to adopt waiting children! I am not sure why God called us to get in line for Ethiopia, but I appreciate that you realize the value in it, and ultimately the value of following God however He leads. Thanks.