10 Ways to Choose to be a Mommy

 **Pictures today brought to you by our last week with grandma and grandpa visiting.....having to say goodbye......but soaking in all the time we had!!! 

 So I am reading "Raising Your Kids To Love The Lord" by Dave Stone.  It has been a good book to read.  Mostly about how we think about raising our kids and how we think and feel about it- affects greatly how our kids respond to us and the Lord. 

 1) Be PRESENT!  Oh.....that is tough to do with soo many distractions.  Our phones, our computers, our work, our own wants and needs, the tv, the meetings, figuring out homeschooling- for some of us, laundry, dishes, chores, and the list goes on and on. 

Truly though being PRESENT is an easy gift to give.  If you are distracted- it doesn't count!  Did you hear that?  If you are having a conversation with your child and you look at your phone- you just said to them- you don't count.  It's true.  They feel it, and so does your husband.

If you have ADHD or too much on our plate disease- then we have to make even more conscious effort to really be aware.  Set those cell phones on the counter top and leave them there- back away, and engage with your children.  Get off FB- that is for me by the way- and have a real conversation actually walking away from the computer.  You could be really daring and leave your phone at home while you go out with your child or husband?  Wow- that would be crazy right?  Or at least leave it in your purse, unless it is a phone call from home! 

 2)  Fuel up your soul!!!!  You can not live on Sundays alone!  Man is that true!  Our pastor has described this before by saying it is like only eating one day a week.  Who does that?  You starve yourself the rest of the week!

Don't do that!  Eat every day.  Read your Bible, read a devotional, write down praises and prayers, write down things God has been working on you about, think of a memory verse to focus on.  Also.....I know this is radical, but take a long shower every once in a while!  Go on a walk- alone for 10 minutes.  Sing and jam out to your IPOD.  All of these things do not have to be hours long.  You don't usually eat for hours do you?

The key is consistency.  Things that help us refresh in big and small ways so we can give to our husbands, to our children, and to our communities. 

 3)  Put God, then daddy, then your kids!  I love the Parental Guidance movie (not the 2nd scene in the movie, but anywho) in there the grandma says- yes you stick up for your husband because one day your children leave you (paraphrased).  It's true!  God says put HIM FIRST!  End of story.  That is why you have to refresh yourself!  So you can be clear and listen to HIM.

THEN you put your hubby!  Yep, sometimes those sweet brown eyes do you in and you feel a pull to "appease your children" instead of take time for your hubby.  Key- a happy hubby makes for a happy wife, makes for a happy family!  Not happy kids make for a happy family.  It doesn't work that way.

God made that relationship to be THE most important - second only to our need for God!  So make sure that in your everyday choices you are thinking of that.  Believe me- it helps balance out your life in ways you never thought about before!!!!  :)

 4)  Deposit love into your children.  This isn't a bank of just money.  Because money doesn't matter, but this....oooooohhhhh this MATTERS!  Have you ever gone a couple of days and realized you hadn't taken time to snuggle your new born?  No- that's because we all know that is something you do all day long for several months.  However, once our children get a little older, we forget.

How does that happen?  That is why I love looking at pictures all the time!  We have a constant "show" on one of our computers of allllllll our pictures for the last several years.  They kids flock to it and say look at me when I was little.

This is a powerful reminder!  It reminds me daily - DAILY to deposit into my children the love that they need.  They are not babies anymore, but that does not mean they don't need cuddles, encouraging words, and hugs.  They need that several times a day- EVEN when they are teens!!!  Maybe- ESPECIALLY when they are teens. 

 5)  To accept your child for who they are.  Oh my heart can argue.  It's true when you have a child that is ADHD, autistic, has RAD, has a learning disability, has a 'tude the size of Alaska, you can argue - God seriously no way.  BUT accepting the fact that this is a part of them allows you to embrace them.  Embrace that hurt in their past that is really ongoing.  Embrace that personality that may drive you crazy.  Embrace that they may be different than you are.  It's ok.

Sometimes I have a very very hard time, and others it seems to not bother me at all.  Wherever you are on the scale.  It is ok to dream for your child, and to help them grow, to encourage that growth, but it is NOT ok to tell them they are not worthy.

God asks the impossible- unconditional love.  Even if it makes us uncomfortable.

 **Note:  Some of you may say- Dawn you don't know my child.  You would be right.  I don't.  I only know that deeply hurting, or just your "average" child- God asks us to love.  Sometimes we have to do things unconventionally....make choices that hurt us deeply for the sake of our child, but that is STILL unconditional love!  Hang in there! 

 6)  Spend time with them!  Now this is similar to being present, but yet really what I am saying is.....this is time we carve out.  Not just day to day time.  This is in addition to the daily times we see our kids.  This is special time.  Time when we set apart- an hour, a few hours, a day and we take time specifically for one or two children and say- this is all about me listening to you!

How do you do that?  I don't have money?  I can't.  Wrong answer!  Everyone can!  All you need is a sidewalk!  Want to know something.  My kids only get to see grandparents once a year.  Want to know their fondest memories?  A special walk taken with them one by one or two by two.  A walk people!  It doesn't have to involve extra money!!!  It can be who gets to go shopping with mom this week.  I can be who gets to eat out with daddy at lunch.  It can be going to the park, fishing, crafting, whatever!

Just make sure you take that time to tell them- I love you!  I want to hear everything you say.  You are valuable to me.  I want to hear you! 

 7)  Consistently discipline.  Ouch!  This is hard.  Sometimes you feel like - really...I am tired.  I want a break.  Whatever keeps them quiet for a while.  I get it!  Been there!  Many times over again!  That is what we call UFFDA!

Consistency in your discipline is soooo important.  Why?  Because it let's your child know they are safe.  That is not to say you have to discipline the same to every child.  Some things don't mean the same things to each of your children.  Sometimes children from hurt places need a different kind of discipline.  That is fine, but it has to be consistent.  If you need to sit down with your children to explain why you don't do "such and such" with each of them then do that!

It just needs to be consistent so that your children know- you mean business, God desires for us to obey, and we need you to be safe.  If we as parents are all over the place- this will not happen, and we will "undo" everything we have been trying so hard to do.

This also means you have to be on the "same team" with your husband!!!  So talk often- let your kids know they can't pull a fast one on you two- you are both too smart for that!  They will soon figure that out! 

 8)  Affirm your husband and children.  This goes sooo very very far in everything you do.  To affirm your husband in front of your children, in front of others- that is way better than any amount of money.  Don't believe me.....try it!  You will see.

Want to see your children beam with love?  Affirm them in front of each other.  Affirm them in front of dad- even better.  Affirm them in front of friends, family, church- you get the drift.  It is better than a gold medal around their neck.

Want to see your children succeed?  Affirm them- they will succeed!  Because they believe about themselves- what you do!  Read that again..........Because they believe about themselves- what you do!!!!!

 9)  Give them to the Lord I Samuel 1:27-28

²⁷ I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. ²⁸ So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

There is something to be said about remembering who your children are.  Better yet- whose they are!  They were given to you by God whether by birth or adoption.  They were given to you and it is our job to offer them back to God.  Want to stress less?  Ask God for the strength to offer them to HIM!  You will find yourself praying a lot more for them.  Praising God for them.  Giving your cares over to the ONE who can actually do something about them.  :) 
 

 10)  To INVEST in a relationship with the Lord, your husband, and your children.  They are THE MOST important relationships you have!!!  Are your friends, your mother, important- yes, but NOT as important as these relationships....therefore spend  more on these than anything else!

That means- your money, your time, your presence, your deposits, your consistency, your efforts, your affirmations- first and foremost belong to God, your husband, and your children BEFORE anyone else!  Doesn't mean you don't serve others....just means...you don't put others first.

There was a book I read about a woman who was working all afternoon on a yummy meal for a family who needed it.  When dinner time came around the children asked what they were having.  The woman said- I don't know just throw together some PB&J.

Yep, if you are serving others more than your children......it shows.  It shows them you don't care as much about them.  We have all done it.  Spent too much time on work.  Spent too much time on FB.  Spent too much time.........? 

 This book has been a great reminder!  You see this little amazing man in the picture above.  Michael captures my heart.  He was cleaning the table and concentrating on it.  You have no idea.....I am crying just thinking about it.  This is our passion!  Don't forget that!  Remind yourself.  Set a timer.

 Put off home school for a bit and play a game.  Take a break and play with grandparents or friends.  Don't answer every single phone call!!!!  Put the phone AWAY!  Step back.  Refresh so you can give more. 

 Know that life flies by way to quickly and if we want to raise our children to love the Lord we have to remind ourselves DAILY! 

 So put a note on the mirror.  Put a red string on your finger. 

 Because this smile will one day not be in your home 24/7.  She will be on her own, or married, or ??  Take it all in.  Make everything you can out of today! 

 CHOOSE TO BE A GOD CHASING, CARING WIFE, WHO LOVES HER CHILDREN DEEPLY! 

 CHOOSE! 

 This is your legacy!  This is your calling!  This is your chance! 

 To make a difference!  To leave the world a much better place! 

 This is from the book (pg 88-89)......

 "There will be a time when there will be no slamming of doors
No toys on the stairs, no childhood quarrels, no fingerprints on teh wall paper.
Then may I look back with joy and not regret.
God, give me the wisdom to see that today is my day with my children. 

 That there is no unimportant moment in their lives.
May I know that no other career is so precious,
No other work so rewarding,
No other task so urgent.

 May I not defer it nor neglect it, But by the Spirit accept it gladly, joyously, and by They grace realize
That the time is short and my time is now, For children won't wait."
**Helen M. Young.  Children wont wait. 

 Put that up on your walls!!!!  Remember it well!!!!  Memorize it!!!!

 Say it over and over again!!!! 

Your children will notice- promise!

Pray you are encouraged today!!!!!!!!!! 

I HATE RAD!

 There have been many sweet moments of bonding between our twins!!! 

 I mean look at this!  This is what our hearts wanted! 

 This is what we prayed for, for our babes!!!!!!!!!!!

God has given us soo many new BLESSINGS with Michael and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I wish I could tell you that my whole life is filled with the above :).  That would be great - right?  I mean that is what I sooooo want to pretend is MY LIFE!  I REALLY DO!  And it is, but it is only part of my life.

But......it is not always my life.  No matter how many times I play the above scene in my mind.....it doesn't change ugliness that happens.

Some of you may not know what RAD is- Reactive Attachment Disorder.  I myself- don't give a lot of anything to letters- because to me letters like ADHD or RAD, or words like dyslexia- are just words.  Yes, they have meaning, but really it is something that you have to deal with work through together as a family.  Letters are just letters and words are just words.  So if you want to know more about what RAD looks like or the symptoms, etc. google it.  There is a lot of information out there.

But, what I can tell you is I HATE RAD!!!!!  I HATE RAD because- I LOVE MY CHILD!!!!  I do not like who they become when they are behaving in the "hurt child".  It means that they have a hurt heart- and that is what I do not like!!!  I DO NOT LIKE THE HURT part of their life.  I don't like the fact that their wounds come out in such a way that leave everyone else in their path wounded.  I do not like the fact that they don't want to accept love from me or others because they are too hurt in the moment!  I do not like the fact that I just want them to be HEALED!  Never to feel this way again.  I just want to take away all the memories of pain!!!!!!!!!

I mean isn't that what all moms feel?  Don't we all just want our children to be HEALED!  To not remember the bad stuff?  To remember all the love we pour into them!!!!!!  To remember the fact that they have given their lives to CHRIST and HE ALONE SETS THEM FREE FROM SUCH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!

My heart longs for this for my child!  My heart wants and desires them to be set free!!!!!  They have given their heart to Christ!  I know they believe, and I have seen them healing.

BUT the problem with sin in our world is it creeps back into our lives and tries to "claim" us again.  To whisper in our ears- ummm....yeah you are not that great, the healing touch of your Savior is a lie.....you are not beautiful.....you are not loved......you are worthless......no one loves you............and it whispers- push the ones you love away.....push God away....push everyone away!

So after not seeing the "hurt child" on a consistent basis for a while now......THIS WEEK IT REARED IT'S UGLY HEAD (and I am NOT talking about the face of my beautiful child!!!!!!!!)  I am referring to the HURT!!!!  That hurt is a direct result of sin!  The HURT that I WANT TO REMOVE!

And I am being totally REAL HERE- I am NOT THE WORLD'S BEST MOMMY!!!  There are times like today that I DID NOT DO THE RIGHT THING!  I just didn't.   I wanted to.  I desired to.  I tried to.  I was doing good.......until I just couldn't take it any more!  WHY???  WHY DOES MY CHILD HAVE TO HURT?  WHY DOES THE FAMILY THAT LOVES THEM HAVE TO BE THIER TARGET?  And I crumbled.............and I sinned in my anger.

BUT after prayer, time alone to regroup ask forgiveness of our HEAVENLY FATHER, time to rededicate myself to the LORD, time to think about my rotten actions and words........I felt the Lord say to me- just like your child you are forgiven because you are MY DAUGHTER!  That is a pitfall that many parents fall into.  This UGLINESS makes US believe that we are worthless as well.  BUT WE ARE NOT!!!!  WE ARE GOD'S CHOSEN ONES!!!

We are the ONES GOD CHOSE for our CHILDREN!  HE CHOSE US TO parent them!!!!  HE CHOSE US TO love them, protect them, forgive them, start over again with them- even if it is every minute of the day!  HE CHOSE US TO continually forgive ourselves for being unfaithful and to remember that HE LOVES US TOO!  And after all of that- I had to ask them for their forgiveness, reassure them I LOVED THEM NO MATTER WHAT, reassure that that I am sorry for my actions and I will do whatever I can all the time to rebuild what I hurt today.  To ask them to trust me once again even though their trust was broken.  To ask them to pray with me that theirs and my healing would take place......and I believe it did. 

OH PARENTING!  The BLESSING that sometimes HURTS!  Lord, I ask that anyone reading this today remembers your EXTREME LOVE for THEM!  NO MATTER WHAT SITUATION- it could be a child struggling with attachment, or a special needs child, a single parent, ANY parent who is struggling, a single person yearning to be married, a person trying to lose weight, a person trying to get right with God- but things keep getting in the way, a person who is struggling with a boss or coworker, struggling with who they are, struggling with loss, struggling with .........

YOU SEE- YOU ARE HIS CHILD!!!!!  IT IS TRUE!  LET HIM HEAL YOU!!!!!  And when you give in because it is hard- I mean really really really hard- THEN ALLOW HIM BACK IN!  ALLOW HIM TO HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART AND GIVE YOU JOY!

***Yep, a lot of capital letter words today- I guess that is my mood :)  Praying for you reading this - and remember that I will gladly lift up any prayer concerns you have, as well as share your joys!  :)

******Further confession time:  In my anger I kicked a wall and broke at least 1 if not 2 toes.  :(  OYE!!!!  Oh if I could just get it all figured out!!!!

Our official first week in our HOME!

Here is what has happened this week at the Wright home- as well as 4 dentist appointments, Abigail's follow up apt, and the pool people coming to help me learn about our pool.  As you notice you can actually see our countertops!!!  YEAH!!!  And Tuesday we get our new oven :)  Pics when it gets here...

 And see I didn't just shove stuff from the other side either....of course notice my cleaners all lining the window ledge.  They haven't found a home yet, but they will soon in the garage. 

 This is my grocery pantry.  Yep!  Hey, we go through a lot!!!

 Look at our dining table (yes that is the changing pad on our table sorry if this grosses you out- but it is my life.  Now that my changing table busted.......ooppss).  But more importantly look at our huge dining area which was a huge bonus of this home!  WAHOOOO!!!!! 

 The white cabinet is permanent.  It used to hold our tv, but not since the tv was broken (don't worry we got another one).  Now we have all our bowls etc. here instead as well as table clothes, cooking books, etc.  (the brown shelf thing is not permanent.....it needs to go to the toy room....which is a disaster area- one of this upcoming week's projects). 

 Make way for the huge IKEA bookshelf for homeschool stuff! 

 Tada!!!  NO it is NOT organized yet, but it is up, and holding our books!  That is all I can manage for now :)

 These are the kids reading books and will eventually be in more shelving that hasn't been bought yet.....   :)

 Hey, and our downstairs closet.  Not too bad huh?  I have stored our pictures and picture books in this closet.  And a random bed topper we use for our fold out bed.  For those who are crazy enough to come visit that is!  :)

 The boys bedroom.....but as of today- They all have bunk beds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The girls too!!!!  That is 4 bunk beds put together in one day folks!!!!  Whew, and we went to church too!!!  :)  By the way church is AMAZING!!!!  Want to be inspired - GO HERE and listen :)

 My children have been playing outside, swimming, and doing lego therapy while I have been sooo busy...and of course daddy too when he gets home in the evenings!  This is Andrew's creation look they are saving someone from the water...

 Oh, and that thing to the left that is supposed to be a shark.  I think they are catching it? 

 Here is Abigail's creation.  The knight is obviously guarding, the king and his servant,

and the guys off to the right- they are playing checkers.....yeah :)  he he he he

So have to share my daughter's quote with you because it totally made me tear up!!!  
Sarah says "thank you for giving me grace....I know I don't deserve it." I said "none of us deserve it sweetie, but God gives it to us anyway."
Oh BOY IS THAT TRUE!!!  

Hating Children part 4

2 Chronicles 30:9
If you return to the LORD, then your fellow Israelites and your children will be shown compassion by their captors and will return to this land, for the LORD your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn his face from you if you return to him.”

Nehemiah 9:23
You made their children as numerous as the stars in the sky, and you brought them into the land that you told their parents to enter and possess.

Job 5:25
You will know that your children will be many, and your descendants like the grass of the earth.

 Job 21:8
They see their children established around them, their offspring before their eyes.

Job 21:11
They send forth their children as a flock; their little ones dance about.

Job 42:16
After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation.

Psalm 8:2
Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.

Psalm 34:11
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

Psalm 37:26
They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing.

Psalm 72:4
May he defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; may he crush the oppressor.

Psalm 78:6
so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.

Psalm 103:13
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

Psalm 103:17
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—

Psalm 112:2
Their children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.

Psalm 127:3
Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.

 Psalm 127:4
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.

Psalm 128:3
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

Psalm 128:6
May you live to see your children’s children— peace be on Israel.

Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 14:26
Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

Proverbs 17:6
Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.

Proverbs 20:7
The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.

Proverbs 20:11
Even small children are known by their actions, so is their conduct really pure and upright?

Proverbs 22:6
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 29:17
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.

Proverbs 31:28
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

 So today's pictures.....are just my cute girlies in the tub- adorable of course :)

Then a silly picture of our cat....do you see his paw on his face as he is sleeping....hilarious.

And then there is Joanna.....you see this series of pics....yeah that is her.....moving soo quickly I can't keep up with her!!!  Trying to get a good pic is like...um.......let's see......banging my head against a wall.  Good thing she is soo cute it doesn't matter what angle the picture is taken from.  :)  Not that I am biased in any way. 

 So......Hating children....if you haven't read my blog post series just click back to read parts 1-3.  It is all based on the fact that there are public places and airlines banning children.  One of the comments that I do agree with is that maybe people are just tired of people who do not discipline their children.  TRUE I agree it is hard when you see families where there is no discipline AT ALL.  

 And if you are reading the scriptures.....you will note that there are many many many references to discipline in regards to children.  But I also want to point out a flaw.......on our side.  You see I think there are flaws that we need to look in the mirror to see too.  YEP ME!!!  Looking at me.....I see someone who judges a lot when I see children that need to be disciplined....it happens.  I AM SOO NOT PERFECT IN THIS AREA.  I guess it comes from thinking I have my children "under control" right?  He he he he he he.....and then well something hits me and I am not talking about the sippy cup my youngest threw at me- although maybe it is. 

What hits me is that we as a CHURCH- the BODY OF CHRIST (not talking about a denomination here folks we will someday all be in Heaven together).  We have NOT done our job.  One of which is to help train younger parents.  We are each to help train younger Christians in Faith, and instruction in a lot of different areas!  Raising children is ONE OF THOSE AREAS!!  As well as SUPPORT each other in parenting which is also sometimes a weak point for us.  I guess we are too worried what our friends will think if we bring up the Discipline word???

I also have seen and felt a strong compassion for those that are burdened.....that lack energy to even discipline because they are working soo many hours, trying to go to the grocery store before they get home.....waayyy too late as it is.  For those who just don't know HOW to discipline.  For those that have to share discipline with the ex husband or wife, and with grandma, and with day care or school, and with all the others in the child's life- wow would that be confusing as a child or what?  Then there are those that are harder to discipline- you know what I am talking about the child that has a STRONG WILL.  And if you do not have a strong willed child- BLESS YOU!!!!  But for those of us who do, as well as children that are from hurting places, let's just say that is tough stuff!!!  And sometimes with my children things come at you from NO WHERE - even out in public and there is not a thing you can do about it.  Just 2 minutes ago they were fine but something triggered them and wahooo you are in for it! 

Maybe that is why in more recent years I have realized that sometimes how your children act in public isn't always a realistic view on how the parents discipline.  I have started to have a lot more of a real view.  At the end of the day I know it is irritating when you are trying to relax or get something done.  I get it.  BUT do we really think banning children from public places is a good thing?  

So here is where you all come in - HELP!!!  I would like to write down some helpful parenting tips.  They can be about ANYTHING!!!!!!  Helpful books too- or DVD series.  Anything you can think of.  I will be collecting these for a week or so....and then doing some blogging about all of the tips, books, etc.  

You never know!!!  Maybe there is a momma out there at the end of her rope NEEDING HELP!!!  AND we could all use some tips, ideas, and in general support :)  So let me hear your greatest tip!!!!  Come on now don't be shy.....I know I have a LOT OF READERS LURKING....HIDING.....  :) 

OH AND IT IS ONLY ONE WEEK FROM TODAY WE WILL BE MOVING INTO OUR NEW HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :)  Abigail is feeling much better thank you for all your prayers :) !!!!!!!  Hope everyone's weekend is GREAT!!!