One Year With A Stay At Home Mom

The following pictures probably for the next week ;) are from our trip last Saturday to the Siesta Key beach.  Do not fret Michael was out of our set up tent area for a short time, and yes we use plenty of sunscreen.  Just so I don't have any worried readers :).

Oh and I found a great cheap way for beach entertainment.  Rather than buy lots of sets of beach toys that break in a couple of minutes.....I bought a couple of sets (with 9 children that is nothing) as well as plenty of cheap plastic bowl and cup sets!  It was great!!!  Plenty to go around, and since they do not cost a lot it was great for me too!  The kids loved scooping water from the ocean and running back to fill  up the containers. 

 So this week marks 1 year since I became a full time stay at home mom.....and my wonderful hubby started working with Meet The Need.  We literally had moved 3 times within a couple of months.  Filed our extra paperwork for our adoption tax credit....believing it would be soon that we would receive it (HA!).  And we moved into another monthly rental here in Tampa area that was 1,100 square feet.  Can we say a wee bit overwhelmed?

 Well, last July we finally got our money from the adoption tax credit- PRAISE THE LORD!  Then God found us a home that works for Jason's job, our family, and it has a salt water pool as a huge bonus!  AGAIN- PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!

 So there were so many new things to learn as a stay at home mom on my own.  You see after college I became a band teacher - which I loved!  Then the Lord called Jason and I to full time ministry and I became a Camp Director at a Christian camp in Iowa.  Then after having a few children (foster care then adoption) we decided to move to Louisiana to another Christian Camp and Jason and I co-directed.  This meant that I was able to homeschool, but still worked part time....and a bit.  You know how ministry goes. 

 Then when we hit child number 8 ummm.....we started to rethink the whole thing.  You see we felt that God had said that we really needed to be true to HIM and the family that HE gave us.  So that is when we moved here closer to family and I became an official stay at home mom with daddy gone (before when he worked it was on camp property so he was never far away and we both worked in our home office a lot too which was very convenient). 

 BIG CHANGES!  Learning how to cook.  Ummm.....Jason did 90% of the cooking at the camp because well he was our head cook and he has the degree in catering- not me!  So I can honestly say I keep it pretty simple.  I would like to try some new things, but it is finding the time ;).  It is ok, but I am not a natural at it.  I like baking breads and cookies way more than cooking.  We do have a grill though and I LOVE IT!

 I have learned to coupon and bargain shop!  It is mostly pretty fun.  Sometimes there isn't time and I have had to accept that.  I want to express that I am NOT an extreme couponer.  I use limited amounts of coupons because I try my best to eat more healthy foods, but even with that there are lots of ways to save money.  I only cut coupons I am using or ones I lay on the grocery shelves  I go to a Christian based site that has all the shopping lists laid out - you click on what you want and they tell you what weeks the coupons are in.  So it takes limited time anyway :). 

 I have learned also that I LOVE BEING AT HOME FULL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The funny part is when we first got married....I was not excited about that thought.  I never thought I would want to.  I am not sure why??  A built in fear.  A wanting to be outside the home?  A doubt in my capabilities?  Probably all of the above. 

 This does NOT mean I am any where near perfect.  I still have so much to learn about being a good mommy.  About being a good wife.  About loving my family.  About serving them.  About loving and putting the Lord first.  So DO NOT think I have it all together- I don't!

 God has shown me sooo many things about myself and a lot of them are ugly :(.  I can be very selfish!  I can lose my cool.  I can be rude.  I want to be in control.  THANK GOD!  HE can change me....chip away at the things I need to change.  HE ALONE can bring me to be a better wife and mother!  I RELY ON HIM DAILY!!!!!  It is the ONLY way to get through! 

 I mean just look at all the inspiration I have to help me through!!!!!  :)  I want them to know HIM.  If that is my main goal (and it is) then I have to RELY on HIM and the HOLY SPIRIT to prompt me. 

 Jason and I look at our children and we are sometimes very overwhelmed.  What if we mess up?  What if we don't get it right?  Actually it is WHEN not what, but we also know this is what God has given us.  We know that although we are not the picture perfect family (even though our kids' photos are amazing!) God has given us a heart for foster care and adoption!

 We are able to show others that ordinary people can adopt.  Ordinary people can have large families.  Ordinary people can show the world love through making a difference in the life of a child.  It doesn't take a million dollars.  It takes YOU!

One year ago today we started our next journey.  It has been AMAZING!  It has been HARD!  It has been LIFE CHANGING!  It has been WONDERFUL!  It has been TOTALLY DIFFERENT!  PRAISE GOD WE FOLLOWED HIM!!!!!!

***If you have ever thought about staying at home with your children -  I would encourage you to pray about it.  I know not everyone can or wants to.  I also know it is a huge blessing too!  I do not criticize anyone who doesn't, but for those thinking about it wondering if you can.  PRAY!  Ask God to prompt your heart.  I know HE will guide you to where you need to be.  OR ask away any questions :)  I am happy to answer what I can.    

Worn Out but still working on JOY!

 Feeling worn out today.....there is a battle raging in my heart.  It is hard for me to share, which is odd I know, maybe sometime.  It is hard to describe for me and I am not sure how to even begin.  So with that....

Is Michael the cutest or what??  How can babes just do that?  He was completely worn out after therapy. 

 Awwwww............LOVE!  Today he signed "more" 3 times!!!!  He totally rocks my world!  GO BABY GO!!!

 So the next JOY step.  Which I obviously am still really working on is keep calm voices.  Actually, come to think of it today that has been easy.  PRAISE GOD!  BUT there are soo many times that it is not easy at all!  It has been a struggle for me.

You know like when you have talked to Kindergarten or PreSchool teachers and you realize they are talking like they do to their students.  It is habit (please don't be offended if you are one- it just means you are AWESOME at your job!!).  They use short sentences with small words because it is how their students will understand.  Makes sense right?

 What if you are around your child with attachment struggles (RAD - one that has come from a hurting place) and they are pressing every button you have because believe me they are PROS at this game.  Then you have one child that has ADHD and well everything is crazy for them- and I MEAN EVERYTHING!  Then you have a mellow fellow like our little guy here who is just happy in general and is chill.  Then you have his "twin" who- well let's just say she is 2 and great at it.  Testing boundaries.  Learning new words she likes- NO being at the top of the list.  She loves to scream because then maybe the person will do what I want them too or I will finally get my way.  Then you have a child that is such a leader that they have a hard time putting that aside and taking any correction.  Then you have just everyday normal stuff. 

 I DO NOT SAY ANY OF THAT to make it seem like oh poor Dawn.  NO WAY!!!  I LOVE MY BABES and after a year of being a FOR REAL ALL THE TIME STAY AT HOME MOM- I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is just my reality.  And one that sometimes drives me a bit batty.  Take in the fact that then I have to cook, umm yes, and in case you don't remember daddy is the real cook of our home- I just pretend because he is working away from the home when dinner rolls around.  Making sure everyone's needs are met.  I am spent!!!!  I then have a tendency to start raising my voice.  OK so let's be REAL here- I YELL!

I don't want to......I don't mean to do it.  It just starts coming out!

I have posted some about it in the past.  This has been one of my big things that God has really been working slowly and steadily with me on.  Closer and Quieter.  Calm voices bring better responses.  Not yelling makes sure everyone actually listens.  It is sooo very true.  But you know what really made me feel better?  Reading the new Duggar book- A Love That Multiplies.  In it there is a short section where Michelle herself said she found herself getting frustrated and upset.  With the Lord's help she has overcome.  (Don't get me wrong- I do not believe Michelle is perfect.)  What I do believe is that it is hopeful.  Kind of like when you read someone's blog and they aren't painting a fairy tale picture- they are being real  Even when it seems harsh. 

 Yep.  That HELPS ME!  I want to know there are others out there like me.  Well maybe not quite as nutty- or maybe nuttier???  I just want to know that I can change.  That by allowing God to overtake my voice, my crazy, that I can become better at controlling my loud voice. 

Guess what?  Even though it isn't perfect.  I am happy to report that I have really started to notice a change in myself over the last couple of months.  It is still not perfect and there are key times that stress me out more than others, but it getting better and better.  I feel myself praying instead of instantly reacting.  I feel myself not skipping morning worship times because it is how I remember to put Christ first throughout the day.  I realize how silly it is for me to get out of control.  I mean really....it never helps.  OYE!

So if this is an area you struggle with too- then
1) Pray about it!   During your quiet times and while you are correcting.
2) Realize you are NOT ALONE
3) Post notes to yourself - things like closer and quieter, or have a song to sing when you feel your blood pressure boiling.
4)  Take a huge deep breath.  Exhale slowly and seriously think about how you should be reacting for a minute or two before you respond.  It is actually kind of funny because watching your children staring at you waiting to see what you will do- it kinda makes you laugh.  Hey, laughing is better than crying or screaming right?

Hope this helps someone else today experience more JOY in HIM!!!  Because let's face it  - we need others to help us through this crazy life we live!!!

Relearning things.....he he he

 Joanna says- what you put me down on the floor?  How dare you.  I am too cute! 

 Oooohhhh I get it you want me to show off my skills - here I go....oops...

 Look at my tongue working...

 Uh oh.......

 Oh here I go watch that tongue.....

 And again with a sock this time.........

 Do you like this random sock I found on the floor- wonder which of my siblings left this here??

 Maybe I should go ask???

 Up close :)

 Ooooo look my phone I knew I left it somewhere....

Now to call daddy at work and tell him mommy has gone crazy with the camera again :)

So I am being real here- yesterday was a hard day for me.  I got caught up in the emotions of our financial situation.  You ask what is that.....well within the next couple of months we need to have a deposit for a home.  Why you ask- just rent long term- yes, but renting a home big enough here- costs at least $600-800 more a month than a house payment!  YIKES!!!  Now Jason's job is great, but not paying that much!!!  On top of which we still have this small loan and are paying on that almost $500 a month.  Yes, yes, wag a finger at me for that.  We normally wouldn't have taken out a loan either, but you know sometimes it is what it is :)

So it just gets to me.....sometimes.  I have called the IRS and they assured me they are taking care of it because of our dire situation.  I am trying really hard to trust- IN GOD not the IRS.  But sometimes it is like my insides are battling each other!!!  A bloggy friend wrote the other day about spiritual battle and it rung in my ears because I know that is what is going on.  I am trusting.....and praying.....and getting in the word- doing battle :) !!!!!!!

OK so something really silly I know.  BUT one thing about being a SAHM that caught me off guard- dinner.  What - why you ask?  Well, let me explain.  In addition to my husband's AMAZING laundry skills- he is an EXCELLENT COOK!!!  As in when he graduated high school (at 16 in England) he went to a technical school for a couple of years- for hotel management & CATERING :)  As in silver spoon, 5 star catering!!!!  YES I AM SPOILED!!!!!!!!!!!  He not only is great at it- HE LOVES IT!!!

Then there is me.  My mom cooked a lot, but out of necessity.  It is probably the one thing she really didn't pass on to me (except baking- that she passed on and I LOVE IT).  But the everyday cooking....not so much.  There is even a really funny family story about how I managed to mess up mac n cheese out of a box.  Now you are thinking- wow that is bad.  YES I KNOW!

I am glad to say that since then I have improved.  But, even when I was single my meals consisted of frozen pizzas, sandwiches, frozen dinners, and lots of salads.  That's it- not exactly impressive.  So over these years Jason has done a majority of the cooking.  And when he cooked at camp- we ate at the dining hall.  So all was well.

Well, let's just say the whole thing snuck up on me- don't know how.  But after Jason accepted his job it HIT ME LIKE A MACK TRUCK!!!  I would be cooking :)  OH DEAR- please protect my family :)  he he he...oh more on that later along with some basic coupon tips :)

Anyone want to guess the square footage of our rental home?  It is small :)  Just for fun :)

My Journey to being a SAHM part 3

 So the same day we went to help package food.....because it happened to be in the parking lot of Daddy's work place.  We got to see where he works, meet his co-workers, and some of the other people who work in the offices around him.

 The kids loved seeing where daddy worked. 

 Since all our kiddos have ever known is camp life- they just went over to daddy's office- in our home our the regular camp office, or to the dining hall if he was there.  They are not used to not seeing where daddy is working. 

 Can't get enough of his cuteness!!!!!  We had a picnic lunch in daddy's office and well....Jonathan eats slowly.....and I want him to eat all he can!!!  You know when you have a boy as thin as him (which I know is a part of his build) you want him to get all he can.  :)

 The office space is all donated by a company owned by Christians. 

 Around where daddy's work space is other regular offices too and all of them are for other Christian organizations that again are given donated work space by this company- Debartelo. 

 Daddy giving the tour!

 The little meeting room where daddy gets to talk with churches and Christian organizations about how Meet The Need can help them!!!  :)

The kids loved the view of Tampa from the window :)  He works pretty close to the airport area.

So.....carrying on my story.  About a year before we left Uskichitto Retreat Center before our failed adoption happened with Naomi.  Some other things in our hearts were changing.  We just really felt we needed to move for a few reasons......1) because we had NO FRIENDS!!!!!!  Seriously hard to make friends when you live out in the middle of nowhere!!!  We did have our college age summer staff who we MISS GREATLY!!!  And of course Sarah who worked for us, but other than that- yeah- NO LIFE outside our walls.
2)  We loved having plenty of space for our children and seeing them become very close knit, but we also wanted friends for our kids.
3)  I knew in my heart that in order to be the mom God called me to be- I had to step out of the ministry in order to give more of my time to my children.

The first 2 reasons are why we specifically moved here- our family!!!  They are extended family, but a part of the family we care very deeply about and they about us.  The 3rd reason isn't really something we emphasized, but Jason knew and I knew it to be true.

You see I LOVED CAMP!!!!  My eyes light up at the thought of leading worship, staff training, playing games with campers, etc.  But over the years at Uskichitto Retreat Center........God knocked on my heart and showed me over time.....that although I loved those things- I loved my children more!  Since they are my husband and I's first mission field we had to make that hard- VERY HARD decision to leave URC.

The thought right now makes my tear up because we are missing staff training and summer right now.  This is what we lived for!!!  For sooo long......  BUT not really.  We really lived for our children seeing them grow in the Lord,  learn to love HIM more, and to spend a more devoted amount of time with them in home schooling.  We made the choice to follow Christ even when that has meant a lot of changes for us.  Even when the rest of the world thinks we are crazy.  Even when it has been extremely hard.

So when we realized this we started talking about moving, and then our adoption failed......and we were devastated.........beyond words...............................

And then God brought us Joanna!!!!  OUR GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then summer was upon us......so we went into it with JOY knowing that God would use us for the summer and then afterwards we would look into where else God may call us.  Well, then our crazy moves since then.  And Jason's HUGE BLESSING of a wonderful job working for Meet The Need!  PRAISE GOD!!!

So that leaves me with this.  Sometimes we think we know who we are and what we want.  Sometimes we think our passion is here and then slowly God changes our hearts and our minds to be in line with what HE wants.  You see- if you would have told me I would ENJOY being a stay at home mom, have 8 children, and love home schooling my children- I WOULD HAVE SAID NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But now I am that mom!!!  The one who LOVES staying home with my babes, getting to spend ALL MY TIME more focused on MY PASSION for them, for schooling them, for witnessing and bringing them up for HIM.  I am the one who doesn't mind that I get to do the cleaning, the dishes, the housework.  Because it has GREAT benefits!  Benefits that I can't describe!!!!  I am a privileged woman!  Is it easy - NEVER, is it worth it- ALWAYS!  I am enjoying my time with my children.  Realizing this time last year I was always trying to divide my time (not doing that great at it) trying to answer phone calls, deal with staff issues, deal with camper issues, teach the kids, play with them- not much, and really being torn into too many small pieces!  NOW I GET TO concentrate on our first mission field my children. 

And that is what following God does- it changes us....grows us....challenges us.....and leads us to places would have never thought about.  :)  Praying that you get to experience the Lord moving in your life whether you work outside the home, are a SAHM, or whether you do a mixture of the two.  Whether you have no children or 15.  Pray you see the Blessing in the ways the Lord moves you :)

My Journey to being a SAHM part 2

 So yesterday we did something that was GREAT!!!  Together as a family we went to serve, put together meals, for Feeding Children Everywhere!!!!

 We each took turns doing the different jobs which included scooping the different components of the meals together- vitamin mix, dried veggie mix, lentils, and rice. 

 My cousin Heidi was able to join us for our shift which was right before lunch. 

 This ministry has just recently started working with Meet The Need (the connectional ministry my husband now works for). 

 They had the event in the parking lot of where my hubby works. 

 It was great to get to serve as a family!!!!!!

 And they had fun music playing as we danced and did our jobs. 

 Awwww  Look it's Makenna- my cousin's daughter helping with the bags- she is concentrating.  :)

 Elizabeth and Jonathan got to serve too!!!!  They helped color the boxes :) 

 It was a GREAT experience and good reminder of all we have!!!  WE don't go hungry, but sooo many do.  How can you help- I help- we help?  So many ways!!!! 

 Thinking and praying about the 100,000 meals that were packed yesterday and praying for all those who helped, and especially all those who will get to eat!!!!                                                                                                    

So coming back to my journey ****REMEMBER this is my journey NOT a put down or anything to any mom who works outside the home :)  Just what God has done in my life.  :)

Well, so we knew that we wanted to stay home with the kids, but thought it would be Jason to do that.  Of course back when we were first married we were told you had to be married 4 years to adopt (if you don't know why we couldn't have biological children that is an amazing testimony all it's own!!!).  So we weren't worried for at least a while anyway.  Jason got a job at a local school.  I worked as a band teacher in small town Iowa- which I LOVED!

Then we felt called into full time ministry- and there were many options, ideas, etc......but God called us to Camping Ministry :)  So since I had a degree and the most experience I took the job of Director of a Christian camp in Iowa, and Jason worked for me (technically) as the food service director at the camp.  Now trust me- I know NOTHING really about food service, so Jason was really his own boss.  But people gave us a hard time about him working for me.

We made jokes about it, but never really thought of it as a problem.  I would turn to Jason lots of times for advice.  I enjoyed the fact that we both worked together for the most part.  And never really thought more of it......until........I read a book I can't even remember the name now buy it was by Elizabeth George?  But it talked about being reminded that the husband is the head of the household.  It also explained in depth how God wants to see this played out in our hearts and actions.  Allowing God to mold our husbands, and in turn our husbands to take care of us.

I would be lying if I told you that I jumped up and down at the thought.  You see I am what you call..... A BULLDOZER!  That is putting it mildly.  I like to lead, make decisions, and well have my way a lot.  I am great at arguments, love public speaking, and enjoy speaking my mind.  So let me just share this took a LOOOONNNGGGG time to even start to creep into my life.

BUT I CAN TELL YOU!!!!  THAT the changes that have occurred slowly and steadily in my life are for the better!  I can tell you that allowing God and my husband to take over has allowed me so many freedoms to do things I never even thought I would enjoy doing.  It has allowed there to become a much different atmosphere in our home.  A different way of doing things........and I can't put my finger on it, but it just feels more right.  

As we felt God moving us to another camping ministry job- this time we applied as CO-DIRECTORS.  The first step in putting Jason more in the position where he should be.  This time Jason got credit for all the hard hours and work he put in, and it was no longer me being his "boss".  Which sounds strange because to me it wasn't truly that way, but still it was a shift.

Over the years of being there- we had 3 children when we moved there- we gained 5 more children.  Knowing since we lived in Iowa that we wanted to homeschool our children took on a whole new meaning when we added so many more :)  BUT our lives were full of joy over our children!!!!!  Homeschooling also took on a whole new meaning when you run into- special educational needs that require more time.

And with that.....I will leave you hanging until my next post :)  Pray your week is going great!!!!