Saying YES! Meeting the Moore Family! AND RETREAT!

 As you can tell this post is action packed!  So first off- today's pictures are brought to you by The Moore Family!!!!  They are from OK, and are another amazing family with 8 kiddos :).  Hezra and I have been friends for quite some time, and have reached out to each other in support on many occasions.  It has been a BLESSING to call her friend!  Someone you can just text with a prayer and they get it, and are praying!  :) 

 Our kids had a blast together and were instant friends :).  It's fun to play with others who have basically the same number of people in their family as you do!

 So today's post is about saying YES! 

 Saying yes to what you may ask??? 

More specifically- saying YES to our children!! 

 Some of our children that have come from hard places have a harder time with our No's.  It isn't because they think it is fun to "flip their lid" (although as a parent it can certainly feel like it)....it is because it is tougher in general.  Their brains have been rewired by the trauma they have faced or the exposure to alcohol and drugs.  They have a shorter fuse. 

 To some it seems as though they are trying our patience ON PURPOSE and with EVIL INTENT!  I know I have wondered this at times as well!  Why in the world are you acting like this?  UGH!  Don't  you understand that is my "button"......ummm.....exactly. 

 One way to help our kiddos with the many No's we have to give them in their lifetime.  Is to first think about how and when we say no.  As well as how and when we say yes. 

 OK- running with scissors- we have no choice in the matter we must say NO!  We must do it quickly, and we have to protect our child.  You scoop the scissors out of their hands and say no.  You may give some further correction of how we walk with the scissors pointing down by their sides.  We explain that it is for their safety.  All of that is good and well, but you know what- they still hear NO!  And we probably yelled it at them because we were taken back and worried about our baby! 

BUT WE STILL SAID NO! 

 How about that time when they asked for a second cookie, but you didn't have enough to give everyone a second cookie, you are going to sneak those cookies later for yourself, it has been a long day, and you snap out another NO!  HEY, I have been there.  Don't apologize to me!!  BUT it is a another no.  I mean you did give them one cookie that should be a treat enough- right? 

BUT WE STILL SAID NO! 

 Have you ever counted how many times a day you say no?  I am guessing if you are a normal parent- it is a LOT! 

AND IT IS NOT WRONG!  You aren't doing something wrong by saying no. 

 So my next question is......how do you say no?  Is it with a mean face?  Is it with a strict tone of voice?  Is it with the intent to tell your child- bug off?  (AGAIN- no condemnation because I AM TALKING TO MYSELF HERE!)  After all as parents we are to keep our children from hitting, kicking, biting, being rude to you or others, not eating too much junk food, not hurting themselves.....it is exhausting! 

Now, think about your child.  The one who has a hard time hearing soooo many no's (for good reason or not).  Think about how hard it is to feel like the only thing you say is no.  Worse yet- you may say no with a stern look.  Which from their point of view might as well be a big you are a loser NO :(  This thought breaks my heart!!!!  I don't want to be mean to my kiddos.  I love them!  I don't want them to see my face and think- meanie. 

 Do I have to love and protect- YES YES YES!  Do I have to correct?  AMEN!  Do I have to be mean about it?  NO! 

I dare you - go look in the mirror and think of a scenario that happens daily in your home.  Now picture yourself looking at your child and saying no.  Go ahead- no one is looking....I don't have spy cameras in your home people ;).  Although that sounds fun! 

What did you see?  Was it a bit scary?  What do your kids think of your face when you look like that?  I dare you to ask them!  Because the other thing is what does or doesn't seem scary to an adult can be a world away from what their child sees. 

 So on the flip side what can you do?  I mean you have to say no right?  YES you do.  How can you say it without saying it?  Here are some ways to help your child take it easier.  Let's say your child says- mommy I would love to have a pink pony for my birthday.  If you are like me- you may say....ummm Hello NO!  (sarcasm would be included people). 

OK so how about we try that a little differently?  Mommy can I have a pink pony?  Well that sounds like a fun thing to have!  Wouldn't that be cool if there were pink ponies?  I think we should go draw one right now!  You know it is a bummer, but God didn't make any pink ponies.....  Awww.....isn't that too bad?  As much as I would love to have a pony, our yard isn't really big enough because ponies need lots of room to play and run too.  I love this idea though.  .........

Pretty big difference isn't there?  The first reaction is short and sweet and to the point.  The second takes time, takes creativity, and there may be some disappointment as well......but easier to handle when it isn't an outright NO! 

 On the other hand- how and when do we say YES?  How many times a day do you think you say  YES? 

 How many more times do you say NO than YES?  Yep, me too.  This is something we are working on though. 

 Awwww......sweet boy was very very very tired!  I am sooo thankful we said YES to him!  :)

 So how can we say YES more?  I think this is something that has to come from you, your lifestyle, what your likes and dislikes are.  Whatever you do- figure it out!!!!! 

 Karyn Purvis talks about being the bubble gum queen.  She brings the big bucket o gum with her.  Anytime the child asks for a piece of gum respectfully - she gives it to them.  ANY TIME! 

**Side note if your kiddos have sensory issues this is a huge help as well!!!  The Chewing is very helpful!!  Trust me ;). 

 In our home we  have implemented this - with sugarless gum instead (not that I am worried....it was what we had already in the home).  We have a minty flavor and a fruity flavor.  Any time our kids ask for it- they can have a piece. 

Yes, but what if they ask about having a piece right before dinner or right before bed......well then we say- you can have a piece....do you want to set it on the counter while you take your nap, and as soon as you get up you can have it? 

 THE KIDS LOVE IT!!!!!!   It is a treat we don't normally give our kids.  And we have and will go through lots of gum.  But at the end of the day- is it that big of a deal??  NO!  I mean- YES!  It is a big deal to them!!!!!!!  It gives them a sense of YES!  Which helps them accept no easier.  No easy or completely, but easier! 

It builds their trust in us to say YES!  Mommy may not say yes all the time, but she is willing to many many many times! 

 As we have just started this at the beginning of the week....I am thinking our kids have started- yes just started to gain more trust.  Trust that we will say yes! 

 So what can you say yes too?  5 minutes on a mini trampoline?  reading a book to them or with them?  playing with them for 10 minutes?  a gummy bear?  playing in the rain?  going on a walk with them? 

It takes time and energy!  It is not easy!  BUT WOW!!  Think of what could happen if our children could gain more trust in you by saying yes to a piece of gum?  Or could understand that you aren't saying now with a mean spirit in your heart?  Or no mean looks on your face? 

 How would this change your relationship with your child?  How could this change you? 

 As for us- this is one of many steps we are implementing to meet our children's needs.  If it takes a million pieces of gum to help them realize we are saying yes to them- AWESOME!  I am great with that! 

 **In case you are wondering- yep it rained on us when we met up at a local park!  But, ummm.....didn't really slow the kiddos down at all :). 

 In fact - they danced in the rain :)!!!!!! 

 WE had so much fun!! 

 THANK YOU MOORE FAMIILY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 We had a wonderful day!! 

 Wonderful memories......

 Wonderful new friends.......

and we hated saying goodbye.....  :(  LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK - REEETTTTTTRRREEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes that is right I said RETREAT!  Coming soon here in Florida :). 

Registration for the 2013 Women's Retreat is only open until AUGUST 1ST!!!! This retreat is for adoptive and foster moms and any women in their lives that want to support them on their journey. Please make sure you turn in your registration forms soon! A $50 deposit will hold your place and the balance will be due by August 1st. Our weekend is packed with uplifting and fun things to do. You will return to your families very refreshed and renewed. What a wonderful gift for them as well as you!

 

Friday Night

5:30-6 Registration
6-6:45 Dinner
7:00-8:30 Session 1 and worship
9:00-10:30 Movie Night

Saturday

8:00-9:00 Breakfast
9:00-10:30 Breakout Session #1
10:30-11:30 Date with God
11:30-12:30 Lunch
12:30-2:00 Breakout Session #2
2:00-5:00 Free Time
5:30-6:30 Supper on the Beach
6:30-8:00 Session 3 and worship
8:00-10:00 PJ Party Panel and Dessert

Sunday

8:00-9:00 Breakfast

9:00-10:30 Service and worship

Loving God’s Children Women’s Retreat 

This retreat is for adoptive and foster moms, any woman interested in adoption or fostering, and the women that support these families.

When:  September 13-15, 2013

Where:  Little Harbor Resort, Ruskin, Florida

Registration fee:  $150 (checks payable to Loving God’s Children)

Room Rate: $75/night Standard Room (two double beds)

$92/night Jr Queen Suite (two queen beds and kitchen)

The registration includes meals beginning with Friday dinner to Sunday breakfast, snacks, sodas, retreat materials, and goodie bag.  Rooms can be split 4 ways to lighten the cost and are booked separately through the resort.

Sorry, no children or spouses are invited to attend.  This event is just for ladies.

For more information- CONTACT :)

Gretchen Sloan
Loving God's Children, Inc.
Founder/Executive Director
813-716-5508

gsloan@lovinggodschildren.org
www.lovinggodschildren.org

 

 

What does RAD look like?

I have a lot of people ask me what RAD (reactive attachment disorder) look like?  That is a million dollar question!!!  And with that I could give away free help to many who face it daily!!!!

RAD is just a bunch of letters really.  And every child/person experiences it differently.  Every family deals with it differently.  Sometimes it doesn't show up for looonnnnnggggg periods of time.  Sometimes it rears its ugly head daily.

For us......it is an occasional thing.  Well Dawn that is pretty vague isn't it?  YES!  As vague as understanding FAS, PTSD, ADHD, Tourettes, and loads of other "things".  They are all completely different from person to person!  So the timing of it.  Sometimes it is more often.  Other times we can go months and months and months and not even see a trace of it. 

You see I have a child with ADHD and it is constant.  I have children with dyslexia and it is constant.  I have a child with lots of special needs and it is constant.  RAD- not so much!

Today was going fine.  Until I discovered that a certain couple of kiddos were not putting away laundry.  Instead they were shoving it in a drawer hoping no one noticed.  Not a big deal in and of itself.  Easily solved by putting the clothes away and a simple apology for not obeying.  RIGHT?  Yep, that would be where I was wrong because that is where my child went a little nuts.

What do I mean nuts?  Well.....it starts off as throwing a little fit.  Much like a 2 year old would do (except they are older than 2).  Then it starts boiling.  You know the moment where you can put the lid on it and squelch the fire or you can feed it!!!  I chose not to feed it because I know what I am supposed to do and this time actually did it.  **Note to self- having a child with RAD does not mean you are perfect and react perfectly all the time!  :)

I slowed down, spoke softly, reminded them that this was not a big deal in that we could fix this together and move on.  Hmmmm.......that would be where the fire in their eyes FLARES!  I mean FLARES as in a firecracker going off.  They look at me as if I just cut of a finger and poured salt on it.  This is the point when you know.....it's happening.....RAD is going to rage.  A rage is unlike a disagreement.  It is unlike having spats with your children or spouse.  It is like all of a sudden dealing with a drunk person who has NO common sense left.  Although it is not a drunk.  There instead is a child in front of you going into RAGE!

There is no rhyme or reason for this particular rage.  It just happens.  They will SCREAM (ummm think so loudly that if we were your neighbors you might be scared.  So if you are our neighbors don't be scared- pray!), then they will lash out at you or anything in your way (think they can break at young ages boards, put holes in walls, hurt grown people easily, throw anything across the room breakable or not doesn't matter heavy or not, and well that should get the point across). This can continue for a few minutes (I can dream right?) or for hours.  Our child who struggles with RAD tends to rage for 30 minutes.  Crazy huh?  Yep, I can time it. 

Now lest you are sitting there thinking we have a raging lunatic on our hands.  We do.....but it is way more complicated than that!  It is a child who can not trust.  It is a scared babe who wants soooo desperately what their brothers and sisters have, but feels they can't.  It is NOT something that they feels they can fix.  It is often not something parents feel they can fix.  Which is hard- because I believe the only real solution.........GOD, prayer, time, healing, patience, extra love, reading a lot of books from people who get it, getting support, asking questions from those who get it, and knowing that I still love them NO MATTER WHAT!

***Disclaimer- I have many many friends who did ALL OF THE ABOVE!!  They sacrificed money, time, and other family members trying to help their dear precious children heal.  At the end of it all for various reasons and severe cases they had to let the child go.  Go to another placement.  Go to a treatment facility.  In my opinion (and I am fffaarrrrrr from an expert) we can all choose to respond to God's healing.  Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't.  You can not force someone to respond no matter how desperately you want it for them- for you!!!!  NEVER doubt that you tried.  That you gave it EVERYTHING you had!!!  Just for clarification because I know of the deep sorrow many of you have faced.  Not first hand, but I have heard your pleas and cries and read your stories.  I know God can heal everything, but there still has to be an open responder.  Just like any other child we have too- right?

OK- so our child that struggles with RAD.  Oh how I love them sooo much more than they know!  I love so many things about them.  I also know they need my help.  My help to not give up on themself.  (Again this is not life threatening as it is in some cases). 

I have a philosophy when it comes to my child that struggles......to love them more than they or myself deserve!  To dream for them of healing, and pray expecting it!!!!  To know that NO MATTER WHAT I will be there for them and LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY!  To do my best to react appropriately and with as much care as I can.  To fight for them (spiritually, physically, and mentally)!!!!  To just continue helping them heal as best as I can knowing the ULTIMATE HEALER AS MY FATHER!!!

Hey, think I am crazy?  That's fine.  It's been said before a thousand times.  What I know for sure is that I LOVE MY CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT!  In our case there is not the type of physical danger there are in very extreme cases.  We have made progress over time.  First off I have educated myself!  WAHOO!  Because when it first started happening at the age of 1 (ummm...yes it is not just older children) we didn't recognize it at all.  No clue why they threw the fits, but just thought of it as an extended and a lot more intense little child fit.

We have worked out some things that work for us.

My reaction (prayerfully) is better.
I have those I know I can call, email, or send out a prayer request and they are on it!
My knowledge of why they are acting this way- I may not fully understand, but I do as much as I can without being them.

Their reactions have started changing.....
First off.....they are remorseful after the rage- THIS IS HUGE!!!!  PRAISE GOD!!!!!
They have started more eye contact.  Not the greatest, but much much better- PRAISE JESUS!!!!
Lying to my face- happens a lot with eye contact I might add ....still, but after the rage or some time they will admit to the lie- again THIS IS HUGE STUFF!!!! 

So I know healing is taking place.  So what do I do from here....keep praying, keep reading and reminding myself that they desperately need me even when all it seems is that they don't want my love, keep asking friends and family for prayer, keep choosing to remember that I will choose JOY in the midst of this trial, remember that I too rebel against God's love and HE- PRAISE GOD- still accepts me!!!

So right now.....I am going to go take a breather before church.  I pray this gives you a  glimpse into what RAD is.  NOT TO SCARE YOU!!!  NO WAY!!!!  If you are equipped for the battle that is half the battle!!!  To let you in on our reality!!!  To allow you to pray for us.  To allow you to know that it is not a joke or a figment of your imagination because this is what I used to think.  As if we were the only ones who just couldn't figure it out.  That is a hard place to be.  In our case as in many cases unless I tell you about it no one would ever know.  They do not rage in public or in front of others (my child doesn't).

So there you have it.  Pray your Sunday afternoons are going great!  Praising God for HIS FAITHFULNESS!  For HIS HEALING!  For HIS LOVE FOR ME!  For way more BLESSINGS than I deserve to have!  Praise God in ALL THINGS not just when it is convenient.

***PRAYING for all of those who actually have daily struggles with your child(ren) from the 'hard places'.

****I tried not to use anything to personal.  It is not my intent to put my child's heart out there for everyone to see.  On the contrary I want to protect their heart from hurts.  That is why I used they, their, etc.  We have 1 child who struggles with RAD.

What if we were real?

 So whew.....I am not even sure where to begin.  This post has taken a while to get done.  Title of this post- LOVE MANDISA!!!  And this is on her latest album (not sure why we still refer to it as an album?) and I LOVE IT!

 So I am going to try to be as real as I can....while showing you my REAL house and real pictures of our - everyday life.  FOR REAL!  I typically post all the time and don't really journal in my book anymore, but this is what I wrote....April 7th......

WOW!  What a year this has been.  Typically I write what is on my heart on the blog, but there are things I felt like writing here too.  So here goes....in the last year we have moved from a beautiful home, life, and ministry that we loved because we felt called to me being strictly a stay at home mom, to be near family, and to have friends, and go to a church that is teaching The Word- that looks more like our family does.  We have found all of the above, but not without some fights.  We have changed our whole lives!  Jason has learned a whole new job.  He has had to learn to work for someone new.  He has to drive in traffic now for about a 1/2 hr each way.  He has a sit down job.  He is in a Christian environment!

 BUT!  All of the changes are hard.  We moved- to a nasty rental and lost $1,000's...moved to another rental and lost $1,000's because Jason found a job- Praise God!  The last rental- tooooooo expensive, but not a lot of choice since our tax refund still hadn't come to put a down payment on our home.  Oh and the last rental 1,100 sq feet for 10 people for 4 months!  NO YARD, but had a community use pool.  FINALLY PRAISE JESUS!!!  WE got our tax refund, found our current home that is 2,100 sq ft, has a yard, and a pool, in a great neighborhood!!!!  WAHOOO!!!!!  (not the greatest realtor- sadly enough, but hey we are here!)

 Found friends!!!!  Through foster care/adoption momma's group :)!!  Jason found friends through a ministry at our church- Iron Men!!!!  And we started going to Life Group!!!!  Praise God for all of these things that we really needed for such a long time!!!  Now we have our own life group that is for foster care/adoptive families and we really enjoy that too!!!  I can not even begin to describe the amazing feeling of having REAL FRIENDS in person!!!!!  Ones that get it!!! Ones that love us, love our kiddos, and are wonderful Christ Followers :). 

 We have switched rolls with me staying at home with the kids every day!  Homeschooling has become more consistent (a lot better for me and the kiddos).  Being alone all day.....has its challenges though- before we worked together a lot!!  I and Jason really miss that part!!!  I now have learned how to cook more.  Just don't expect anything fancy or exciting!!!  Trying to learn to menu plan.  Trying to learn new things.  Trying to keep that balance between school, play, fun, etc.  in the home. 

 Oh and don't forget the couponing fun I am into now!!!  Which takes some time, but really great too!

 Then God brought us this little guy!  OH MY HEART!!!  His story......still hurts my heart.  Thinking of his first healing mommy and family!  The heart ache.....still brings tears to my eyes, because I would give anything to make her pain go away!!!  BUT GOD!!!  I have to trust God knows best and not me....seems pretty obvious!  Bringing him home.....having to get medical stuff done- which dealing with insurances, and all that stuff is enough to give anyone a headache.  PRAISE GOD for his first healing mommy who is AMAZING and really helped with a lot of that.

***(NOW we can celebrate because he is on the insurance....has seen the specialist- Pedicatric Infectious Disease Doctor, went to therapies today for feeding/speech, physical....have another apt Mon  for occupational therapy.  And he has an ear apt in a weekish too!!!  OH and did I mention we got his meds- delivered to our door even!!!!!  Man there are some benefits to living in town!!!!)  PRAISE GOD FOR ALL OF THIS- this of course was NOT in my journal because it just happened.*** 

Our little cutie who is HIV positive, has a whole host of needs including Cebral Palsey, and possible this and that too.  We couldn't love him anymore!!!  He has opened a whole new scene in our home of a deeper compassion, love, and laughter!

 Then....oh boy here goes....is our marriage.  Oh dear an area that has suffered.  You can't just keep going through all of this and have no consequences or set backs.  Don't get me wrong- WE ARE COMPLETELY DEDICATED!!!  WE WILL BE FINE!!!  BUT, just like anything that gets put on the back burner while you move several times, find a new job, learn a new job, buy a home, change your rolls, deal with traffic, start a new ministry, meet new people, add to the family, adjust to special needs, get sick so many times we have lost track!!!!  UGH!!!  (we are usually sick maybe once or twice a year max). 

 Praise God through Jason's Spiritual Leadership and lots of prayer and plenty of the Holy Spirit's leading we are getting back on track!

 I am now taking more care with vitamins and allergy medicines.  :)  So do the Blessings outweigh the Icks?  YES!!!!  YES AMEN- BECAUSE OF GOD!!!!

We miss the camp, staff, our home, the huge amount of land we had, flexibility with our job, campers, Jason's cooking, mowing that massive lawn :).  There will always be a part of our hearts in Uskichitto Retreat Center!!!  WE LOVED THE MINISTRY THERE!!!  LOVED!!!!  So it is natural that it is a loss to us.  A hard loss.......

 This last 21 days we have been fasting as a church.  Fasting from media (at times), and tv, limiting sugars, and other things too.  Not gonna lie- we "cheated" so we could go see October Baby- BUT IT WAS GREAT!!!  We have been able to come to a crossroads if you will.  Some things need to take over again.  We need some more changes in our hearts.  In our lives.  In our marriage.  In our relationships with our children.  Our eyes are opening up- PRAISE GOD! 

Did I mention in the beginning our child who struggles with RAD was doing great with everything, but oye....lately not so much (reactive attachment disorder).  UGH!!!  We need to continue to give our family tools and time we all need to succeed.  To be intentional.

Our pastor said- the fast will not make you "good enough".  We are already accepted by Christ!  BUT it will push other things aside to make room for MORE JESUS!!!  An entry for the Holy Spirit to do more in our lives!!!  We have fasted before, but not with our church, and not with our kids (they did different fasts on different days rotating from tv time, to desserts, etc.).

As a church wide fast it is definitely more powerful to know we are not in this alone either!

 This last year has been tough!!!!

We are entering a time of more healing- therapies for Michael, times for mommy and daddy, times for our kiddos, new things on the horizon. 

I am Thanking God for HIS FAITHFULNESS!!  for HIS LOVE for me!  For US!  That in loss he always gives too......although it is sometimes hard to see at times.

Thank you God for growth!  And we can't wait to see what that looks like.....this next year!!!  :)

 Did I mention.....we have gained weight too??  :(  SAD FACE!!!!!!  At least I can blame part of that on the move, and part of that on our paper pregnancy right???  ;)

This post is NOT about feeling sorry for myself or our family- we are JOYFUL in what the Lord has done!!  It is a post about our reality.  That through the "tough stuff" there is JOY!!!  That we were in a place of mourning, but that has changed to dancing!!!  That any family changes can be tough, and that several changes happening all together are even more tough.  That this is REAL for us!  WE are NOT just people on your computer screen, but real people!  BUT we LOVE THE LORD and rely on HIM! 

THIS IS OUR NEW REALITY!  THIS IS OUR NEW YEAR!!!  This is our AWAKENING!

I pray that you are all going to have a fantastic weekend!  That you are all full of HOPE FROM HIM!!  That you see that life can be challenging, but fun too.  It is all mixed together in a BLESSED chaos :).

I HATE RAD!

 There have been many sweet moments of bonding between our twins!!! 

 I mean look at this!  This is what our hearts wanted! 

 This is what we prayed for, for our babes!!!!!!!!!!!

God has given us soo many new BLESSINGS with Michael and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I wish I could tell you that my whole life is filled with the above :).  That would be great - right?  I mean that is what I sooooo want to pretend is MY LIFE!  I REALLY DO!  And it is, but it is only part of my life.

But......it is not always my life.  No matter how many times I play the above scene in my mind.....it doesn't change ugliness that happens.

Some of you may not know what RAD is- Reactive Attachment Disorder.  I myself- don't give a lot of anything to letters- because to me letters like ADHD or RAD, or words like dyslexia- are just words.  Yes, they have meaning, but really it is something that you have to deal with work through together as a family.  Letters are just letters and words are just words.  So if you want to know more about what RAD looks like or the symptoms, etc. google it.  There is a lot of information out there.

But, what I can tell you is I HATE RAD!!!!!  I HATE RAD because- I LOVE MY CHILD!!!!  I do not like who they become when they are behaving in the "hurt child".  It means that they have a hurt heart- and that is what I do not like!!!  I DO NOT LIKE THE HURT part of their life.  I don't like the fact that their wounds come out in such a way that leave everyone else in their path wounded.  I do not like the fact that they don't want to accept love from me or others because they are too hurt in the moment!  I do not like the fact that I just want them to be HEALED!  Never to feel this way again.  I just want to take away all the memories of pain!!!!!!!!!

I mean isn't that what all moms feel?  Don't we all just want our children to be HEALED!  To not remember the bad stuff?  To remember all the love we pour into them!!!!!!  To remember the fact that they have given their lives to CHRIST and HE ALONE SETS THEM FREE FROM SUCH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!

My heart longs for this for my child!  My heart wants and desires them to be set free!!!!!  They have given their heart to Christ!  I know they believe, and I have seen them healing.

BUT the problem with sin in our world is it creeps back into our lives and tries to "claim" us again.  To whisper in our ears- ummm....yeah you are not that great, the healing touch of your Savior is a lie.....you are not beautiful.....you are not loved......you are worthless......no one loves you............and it whispers- push the ones you love away.....push God away....push everyone away!

So after not seeing the "hurt child" on a consistent basis for a while now......THIS WEEK IT REARED IT'S UGLY HEAD (and I am NOT talking about the face of my beautiful child!!!!!!!!)  I am referring to the HURT!!!!  That hurt is a direct result of sin!  The HURT that I WANT TO REMOVE!

And I am being totally REAL HERE- I am NOT THE WORLD'S BEST MOMMY!!!  There are times like today that I DID NOT DO THE RIGHT THING!  I just didn't.   I wanted to.  I desired to.  I tried to.  I was doing good.......until I just couldn't take it any more!  WHY???  WHY DOES MY CHILD HAVE TO HURT?  WHY DOES THE FAMILY THAT LOVES THEM HAVE TO BE THIER TARGET?  And I crumbled.............and I sinned in my anger.

BUT after prayer, time alone to regroup ask forgiveness of our HEAVENLY FATHER, time to rededicate myself to the LORD, time to think about my rotten actions and words........I felt the Lord say to me- just like your child you are forgiven because you are MY DAUGHTER!  That is a pitfall that many parents fall into.  This UGLINESS makes US believe that we are worthless as well.  BUT WE ARE NOT!!!!  WE ARE GOD'S CHOSEN ONES!!!

We are the ONES GOD CHOSE for our CHILDREN!  HE CHOSE US TO parent them!!!!  HE CHOSE US TO love them, protect them, forgive them, start over again with them- even if it is every minute of the day!  HE CHOSE US TO continually forgive ourselves for being unfaithful and to remember that HE LOVES US TOO!  And after all of that- I had to ask them for their forgiveness, reassure them I LOVED THEM NO MATTER WHAT, reassure that that I am sorry for my actions and I will do whatever I can all the time to rebuild what I hurt today.  To ask them to trust me once again even though their trust was broken.  To ask them to pray with me that theirs and my healing would take place......and I believe it did. 

OH PARENTING!  The BLESSING that sometimes HURTS!  Lord, I ask that anyone reading this today remembers your EXTREME LOVE for THEM!  NO MATTER WHAT SITUATION- it could be a child struggling with attachment, or a special needs child, a single parent, ANY parent who is struggling, a single person yearning to be married, a person trying to lose weight, a person trying to get right with God- but things keep getting in the way, a person who is struggling with a boss or coworker, struggling with who they are, struggling with loss, struggling with .........

YOU SEE- YOU ARE HIS CHILD!!!!!  IT IS TRUE!  LET HIM HEAL YOU!!!!!  And when you give in because it is hard- I mean really really really hard- THEN ALLOW HIM BACK IN!  ALLOW HIM TO HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART AND GIVE YOU JOY!

***Yep, a lot of capital letter words today- I guess that is my mood :)  Praying for you reading this - and remember that I will gladly lift up any prayer concerns you have, as well as share your joys!  :)

******Further confession time:  In my anger I kicked a wall and broke at least 1 if not 2 toes.  :(  OYE!!!!  Oh if I could just get it all figured out!!!!