KNOW there is NO WAY EVER that I would post something about his story without the PERMISSION OF HIS FIRST HEALING FAMILY! EVER! This story came about for you my readers because she asked me to write his story/their story. I cry just thinking about her strength. She has read it......and I am posting it...........
Sometimes it is just hard to even start writing…..you may have noticed the lack of details in our adoption that I have given. In my mind and heart I want to protect those that are a part of his story. I know others of you who feel the same.
My heart screams- Don’t say anything because someone may say something nasty…..and I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THAT AT ALL!!!!!!! So if you can’t feel the emotion in that statement you may not want to read this- in fact DON’T!
You see in the adoption community the word “disruption” is a nasty word. My son’s first healing family has had to make a choice I PRAY NO ONE ELSE DOES. Not that it is nasty, but the circumstances ARE!
If this same family had given birth to him and gone through these circumstances…..and made an adoption plan others would call them a hero. GUESS WHAT- THEY ARE! Choosing LIFE, even at the expense of going through the hurt and the pain of giving someone you love a new home with new circumstances is THE MOST SELFLESS THING I CAN THINK OF!
I have known families that have had to do the same….seen them walk this hard road…..and the pain of losing a child does not get easy all the sudden. They know it is best and they heal from it, but easy- NO! That heart ache is real people and if you don’t think so look around for a blog of someone who has been there. You will see it!
Oh that is right, most can’t even keep their blog going. Why? Because we as humans tear them a part limb from limb. It is like a sick form stoning that you see in the Bible- where one person after another throws big stones at someone and causes immense pain……and death. I only know of a couple that have been able to continue their blog.
So maybe that is why I feel so strongly about it. So protective. So upset at the thought that anyone would dare say anything…..nasty.
You see some reasons I know for disruptions are huge. They are not a lack of love as most people assume. And well you know what that makes when you assume. They are tough reasons. Things some of us just can’t imagine. Things we can’t imagine because we are not in their shoes! Physical abuse, sexual abuse, RAD that is so horrible it causes mental abuse that does not stop, RAD that tears the rest of the family a part and no one survives………….. I think at least most of us would agree that if someone has an abusive problem in the family – like the mom or dad that they would seek help. That help may be a separation from the family. If that worked – GREAT, but if not would any of us recommend the family stay together and be abused over and over. Ummm….NO!
But what about our son’s story? His story is one that is different yet again. You see his family was on the route of adopting a sibling group from Africa that included HIV. They were agreed this was God’s calling. AMAZING. They started the mountains of paperwork, the homestudy, etc. They started fundraising. Sure of this in their hearts. Then they got a call about a cute little guy here in the states that had HIV, and they wondered…..was this their son?
The hubby was positive he was theirs after seeing the picture of him, and the mommy said yes. Once they saw him and held him after the huge awkward moments in the beginning…….things that they had no idea of became apparent. He did NOT just have HIV. There was neglect……severe neglect. And on top of that as time went on they found out he had cebral palsey and autism- severe autism and microcephaly, and severe global developmental delays, will need long term physical, occupational, and speech therapy and the HIV load as a newborn damaged his brain, exposure in the womb to alcohol, cigarettes, and possible drugs, very malnourished while an infant…..
And after trying to take this all in…….they had to make decisions. What do you do when you get that kind of list…..after saying yes. Things you were never prepared for. And before any one of you say well- if that child were born to you….etc. UMMMMM….let me step in and say this family would NEVER HAVE NEGLECTED HIM!!!! Never done drugs, and sure in the world would have never let his HIV get out of control!!!!! So please don’t say junk – thanks.
They said yes……even though it was hard! Hard doesn’t even begin to begin the description. But they plowed away. Decisions did have to be made. They lived in a place where there was not the medical care he needed. So they had to move. To a different state where there was a military base nearby great medical facilities for their son. Oh and did I mention this was the second move for their family in less than a year? Oh and the father went from a non deployable job to a deployable job. Yeah…kind of a big deal. He had been deployed before, but not leaving mommy with a special needs babe that required so much. Oh and along with 3 other young children.
Then the unthinkable happens……..the daddy who loved this little guy with all his heart and this same little guy helped him heal in many ways from the horrendous things he had seen in war. Not what we see on tv folks, but the RAW HORRIBLE IMAGES NO PERSON SHOULD EVER SEE!! He went off to work one night…….and the tragedy happened……his helicopter crashed……….and the world changed for his family.
The. World. Stopped. For. This. Family.
The reality of all they have been through crushes me. The reality of what they are still going through. The decision to say…..this little guy needs another healing family to step in….to help him continue to heal. Even when this decision will bring pain……feelings and thoughts of questioning everything about yourself. Listening to others unload their opinions on you.
That may be why my heart struggles. My heart is in love with our son! My heart also struggles because of the hurt that not only he has endured, but his first healing family.
Now you may just understand a wee bit of our new son’s miracle that is combined story of hurt, healing, and circumstances that are much different to what our preconceived notions tell us about someone. Please pray with us…………
Praying, praying, praying in Uganda! I completely undersand your story. The Lord is in it :-)ReplyDelete
Blessings and joy as you walk this difficult journey,
Every time I think of this story I'm leveled to tears. Through those tears I see such BEAUTY of Gods REDEMPTION and MERCY and GRACE. Beauty from Ashes. Pain in the midst. Above all Gods sovereignty. God's not done writing this story, not for either family. Its incredible to watch God at work. Praying with all my heart for each one of you.ReplyDelete
wow - wow - wow - my heart is broken for what they are going through. wow. please let them know we are praying for them. and thank them for being brave enough to share their story.ReplyDelete
Dawn! How awesome that you and jason get to be included in God's miracle in this little guy!!!!! How humbled and honored you must feel!!!!My heart breaks for his first healing family...but rejoices for yours! Praying always for you all!ReplyDelete
What a hard decision. I am so glad your family was chosen to come alongside them and help them carry their burdens. Community. I hurt for them, I know that you will do your best to lean into God for the words and strength you need to say what needs to be said, and love how he has taught us to love. Its all grace.ReplyDelete
Wow I am familiar with this family and our prayers continue to go out to them. I do not know them personally though, please let them know they are brave and wonderful and that GOD LOVES THEM STILL!!! ALWAYS! Blessing upon your family as you take your son home and work through the transition, prayers and blessings on the family left behind that they might find peace in their decisionReplyDelete
Oh wow...thanks to all of you for being brave enough to share the really hard things with those of us who haven't walked this road. May God give each of you His grace and perfect peace through EACH and EVERY moment. Praying for you.ReplyDelete
Blessing to that family, to this sweet boy, and to your family. You wrote so well about this and I feel the love that you are sharing for this first healing family. And love is what they deserve. I hope that soon this heartache will begin to heal for everyone and that new blessings will arise and happiness will take root.ReplyDelete
Heartbroken..and hopeful at the same time. Praying that the God would give peace that surpasses all understand will rest in the heart and home of his first healing family. What that momma must be going thru is overwhelming for me to think about. What love she had for this little guy...that she loved he ENOUGH to let him go so that he would have the best opportunity for healing...and that her other children would also have the best opportunity for healing. Praying blessing pour out from heaven on ALL of you!ReplyDelete
When I found out about this situation, I had NO idea that you and Jason were the other family. I know this is hard. It hurts and it's ugly, but GOD HAS ALWAYS HAD REDEMPTION IN HIS PLANS. The road ahead for both familes will be filled with potholes but they will not be walked ALONE. They will be blessed, even in the pain.ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing and thank you for being open to the plans that the Lord has for you.
Many, many blessings to the wonderful family that took him in and to your wonderful family as well. God has big plans for your precious little boy!! May God grant you peace and strength throughout every moment of every day, and may His name be glorified! Thank you for sharing.ReplyDelete
I have NO doubt that this first healing family was in God's plan to be his first healing family--and that THIS was always part of God's plan. Had they not stepped in--this sweet boy might no longer be here--and they were called to be his precious family for a time. What this family has done--is sacred, holy and honorable. I pray they walk forward with their heads high knowing they were obedient for the time the Lord had called them. I will be praying for their healing--and for this sweet mom who obviously is loved so dearly by God to receive such a hard calling will continue to take the challenges and callings He continues to bring her way. When we are called to love by giving our hearts away--many do not and will never understand...but God Himself had to let His Son go so He might be glorified. May the Lord receive the glory for your family and their family trusting in Him for the sake of this boy's future. I am so proud of this mom for her obedience...and thankful for both of your families and how God is going to use this.ReplyDelete
What an amazing testimony, GOD is faithful and has great plans for all families involved. Thank you for your courage to share this, Will be praying for all of you!!!ReplyDelete
Praying for ALL involved!ReplyDelete
Dawn, (and first healing family), I don't have any gret words of comfort or wisdom. I just say that I will pray. You have both been added to our prayer board and will stay there indefinitely! I will be praying for your family as well as the first healing family. I will be praying especially for your new son! I am so looking forward to watching his life unfold! TReplyDelete
praying through tears. crying not only for your new son and both families, but also because how wrongly judgmental I have been about a family I know that gave up two adopted children. And thinking about two of our adopted children who spent 7/8 years in a series of orphanages in the Republic of Georgia. Bonding to nobody. Surely even a temporary family would have been better for them.ReplyDelete
Praying Dawn... and couldn't think of a more amazing family for this little guy. Love you!ReplyDelete
Praying for EVERYONE! So glad God led your family to him and this other wonderful family. God will heal.ReplyDelete
Sounds like in time the odds are he will have two healing families working together across the miles or whatever to help him. It may take a lifetime but he already does have double the prayers, and then some. Praying for everyone and peace to you all. And breathe, remember to breathe. Thanks for sharing the story and delete the haters, let a friend read the comments and just send them to oblivion. But pray for their souls to heal too.ReplyDelete
A story worth sharing. Thank you for the insight into prayers for all involved. That must have been a decision born out of pure love. Doing the absolute best for a child can sometimes be doing the hardest. Praying for you, as you minister to those around you.ReplyDelete
I think often we are convinced by the world that we have to understand everything. God's plan is so vast. I love that example of God being the ocean and we have this little Coke can we fill up. Our understanding compared to God....can't be compared.ReplyDelete
Rejoicing with you while aching and mourning for this family. They are in my prayers...as well as you as you transition and for your little guy as he continues to heal.
Oh, I read his healing mom's blog yesterday and wept for her loss and her bravery, saying goodbye to her precious son because it is in his best interests... I can't begin to imagine the gut-wrenching pain...ReplyDelete
I am grateful that God, in His wisdom and mercy, has brought your families together and I pray He will bring healing for all involved.
May you be strengthened for the road ahead and may your new addition to 'the tribe' bring immense joy x
what an excruciating yet amazing story. Praying for you all and his first family and looking forward to seeing how God works in everyone's lives!ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for sharing his story! I have a good friend that was on the other end of a disruption. I truly believe that God plans this ahead of time. Praying for all involved and a big hug from us goes out to both you and his other healing family!ReplyDelete
What a story. When you see that decision for life, family, and love for another- you are forever changed. Oh the ache they must be feeling! Praying for God's comfort for them.ReplyDelete
Wow, this is just so heartbreaking. My heart grieves for this poor woman that lost her dear husband. How incredible that the Lord has intertwined your families through this precious boy. He is so blessed to have 2 families that have stepped up to the plate for him. God bless you as you walk through this joyous yet painful journey.ReplyDelete
Praying for your family, your little boy and this poor family that lost their beloved husband and father.
Thank you for sharing this story! Praying for you and your family, and this little guy's other family.ReplyDelete
Wow! What a story! I guess I don't even get why anyone would say anything negative about this or the other family or anything... People can be so hateful. I hope God equips your family to help heal and love this child, while He works this into His plan for the other family and all of you as well.ReplyDelete
Wow! So many people that need healing! I remember reading that family's blog awhile back before the helicoptor crash.. How sad.. I will be praying for healing for everyone involved..ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing so that we can be in prayer to a whole new level! ANOTHER amazing family this little one has now! We will continue to lift you in our prayers. I'm looking forward with great expectation to all his progress that i know you'll share with us!ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing this story! We will be praying for you all :) Hugs and love!ReplyDelete
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We are a "first family", and we are forever grateful for the "second family" who became our daughter's "forever family" when it became obvious that we could not provide what she needed. Bless you for stepping in as a second family for this little guy. My heart breaks for the mother and wife of the first family and the pain that she has been through.ReplyDelete
Only God, could have filled you with such a tender and loving heart. Thank you for having the courage to share so openly. What a blessing this has been and will continue to be.ReplyDelete