Empowered To Connect Part 5 Redos and other tips

 So today's photos are brought to you by some cuteness from Easter weekend.  Can you believe I never actually got all my babes in a photo with all of their dressed up outfits on?  What?  Yep, neither can I, but oh well.  Easter is about JESUS!!!!!  NOT outfits anyway, so I am ok with that.  It isn't like we go out and buy outfits for the day ;)......so on with fun at my Aunt Jane's home.......

 Ummm....there were 100's of eggs.....filled with candy, and our kids liked it!  :)  The End.  :)

 Onto......Redos!  Yep, do you ever feel like your life could do with a redo?  ME TOO!!! 

 I think there is a good call for getting first time obedience.  There is, but not at the expense of getting our children's hearts.  Sometimes our children need time to think and process things.  If you are parenting a child from a hard place.....they need more time.  When that time needed doesn't happen- then maybe a redo is in order. 

 I am sorry, but for me I was not happy about thinking - hey let's do a redo.  My brain said- do it they way you are supposed to- end of story.  Sometimes I can be a bit harsh.  The thing is we aren't rewarding bad behavior we are meeting a need in our children's hearts. 

 I want them to do it correctly the first time.  Don't we all?  There are plenty of times our children do things correctly the first time which is also awesome! 

 Sometimes though......even they realize immediately that they have not made a good choice.  You can almost see it click.  Or you may just know in your heart that if you gave them a little time (not talking time out people).......a little space to calm down.......they would get it right the second time. 

 Now, if possible depending on the situation- go back to the "scene of the crime" and do a redo.  Come on you know there is an actor inside waiting to burst out.  If you feel silly then really get dramatic about it and even have fun.  Can you correct and have fun- ABSOLUTELY!  Do you think your child will remember it even better- YEP! 

 AND.........MOST IMPORTANTLY you have connected with them and connected the point A to point B for them.  WOW!  How important is that.  So what is a good example? 

 Let's say Princess decides that Ms Party Pooper wasn't being nice enough to her.  She was crowding in on her space as they were both playing legos.  So Princess decided to hit Ms Party Pooper.  Instead of using her words she used her body to hit.  Oooopps.....

 Now, we are not talking bloody nose or anything serious, but the fact is that Princess needs to control her body- right?  So when you see the actions take place or better yet Brother Rat- tells you all about it......

 You say to Princess- do you need a redo?  It clicks and she realizes she made a mistake. 

 Now....sometimes patience is the key and they need a "time in" for a bit before it clicks.  (A  time in is a time when your child sticks like glue to you.  Remember sometimes sending a child away or to stay out of your sight isn't a good idea.  Hurting children feel rejection when you "send them away".  For some that are ADHD it just tells  them go off and forget about it- because well that is what they do ;) 

 When it does- this is your moment.  GO with it.  You can either role play with Ms Party Pooper if she is willing, or you take Ms Party Pooper's place and do the role play.  When Princess remembers to use her words to ask nicely for you to please give her some more space- you are set!  WAHOOO!!!!!!   Celebrate! 

 Give them encouragement- YES Princess that is what we need to do.  Let's remember that for next time.  Now can we say sorry and give hugs to our sister? 

 Now, this is not a redo every 2 minutes kind of thing.  This isn't overused, because we are shooting for first time obedience (first time obedience is NOT a part of Empowered To Connect, but it is what God wants from us), but sometimes there are other ways to get there. 

Sometimes as opposed to a time in- they need to go do a Think It Over spot.  Now here in our home there are sensory items, bean bag chair, and different places around our home they could go to calm down.  It's amazing to me that our children know they need that.  I mean we have been using a lot more sensory items this year (chew tubes, seat circles- blown up rubber things you sit on, fiddle toys, noise canceling headphones, etc.) sometimes they need a small snack or water as well. 

 We haven't been doing this long, and yet our children can tell you - I need time.  When they have that time- it is like a whole new person emerges.  A child with a heart at peace ready to say sorry.  A child ready to ask forgiveness.  THAT is the most important part!   

 Other tools and tips:  Can I do xyz?  Yes, but right now we need to do this first, then do........
Have you ever seen the above bring on a melt down?  ME TOO, but sometimes just reassuring them that you are saying YES, but they have to do this first- can help. 

 If their problem was with Fred then they have to finish it with Fred in the end.  Even if they weren't involved in the role play- they still have to say sorry and ask forgiveness from Fred. 

 Again, when you are talking to your child- Ask for EYES AND HANDS!!!  This has really built up connection in your correction time!  We have seen amazing results.  Did you know if you are holding your dear child's hands- it really helps your heart not to get harsh and overly angry as well?  Hey, I will take any helps I can get! I don't want to be angry mom! 

 Remember children can be overly sensitive to noise!  Wow is that true especially for a few of our children.  Never realized before, but it is pretty obvious now, and we have to be so very careful because Loud Voices can really throw them out of the loop.  Then you have lost all effectiveness even if you are not even yelling.  UGH- working on that, and prayerfully doing better. 

 Did you know that sometimes children are not good at reading faces?  Never thought of this, but have tried some experiments since attending Empowered To Connect and it is true!  So do this yourself- during a non conflict time try making faces in the mirror with your child.  Make silly faces, sad faces, angry faces, happy faces, etc.  Ask your child what the differences are, similarities...compare your child's to yours.  When you are "in the moment" ask them to tell you what they think your face looks like.  It works!  Miscommunication can really throw things off. 

 Watch your child's and your non verbal communication.  Sometimes we just need a reminder to look for things:  Eye rolls (hey I am the master on this- just sayin'), arms crossed, clenched jaw, the look, legs crossed, etc.  Then compare with this list:  eye contact, hands out to them holding gently, gently open body to you, turn screens off around you- the computer, the tv, your phone, etc.  Reminders to myself really help when I am trying to get that connection. 

Remember our goal is Train, Teach, and Instruct- not punish.  We want connections and building blocks that last!  We want our children to stop- take time to think it through, and remember.  That is a lifelong skill and process.  BUT OH SO WORTH IT!

OK hoping this video uploads- this is MICHAEL WALKING :)  I kept forgetting to video it, but here he is!!!  Our little miracle man! 

Empowered To Connect Part 1
Empowered To Connect Part 2
Empowered To Connect Part 3
Empowered To Connect Part 4

Adoption: It will cost you Everything!

 Here is a picture of the most handsome man on the planet!  :) 

 He learned how to install our new water heater for us, bought the necessary items from Lowe's, and.....

 did it!  LOVE that he is willing to go outside of his comfort zone to fix things!  He has also fixed our pool pump- remember the casing on our filter broke and you couldn't get to the filter to change it.  Yikes.  So he ordered a new casing, new filter, and other new parts to get our pool back up and running.  He has now fixed that too!  :)

 This is our new refrigerator!  YEA!!!  We got a discount, and Lowe's was running a special deal and we will get a card for money to spend there later (pretty sure we will easily use that), and there was a ding on the back corner- so more discount!  NOT BAD!  :)  It is a pretty high capacity- BONUS for us!

 This is a dark picture, but my camera has issues (or it most likely my fault ;) with either making a picture too bright or too dark.  UGH!  Anywho- this is my tower of "baby wipes".  Once every few months I chop the below package of Bounty (you have to have the good stuff to make it work, and I get it from Sam's) into halves....to make baby wipes :).  I use an electric knife, but it still makes my arm ache a bit.  I am a whimp and not afraid to say it! 

 Then you mix 2 cups water, 1 tablespoon of rubbing alcohol, and 1 tablespoon of baby oil, and a squirt of baby soap.  They work great!  Just pop it in a plastic container (slit an X shape in the top) and - whola it works great!  Saves tons of money too!!!  :)

 So today as I stated on FB we had a "game of hospital".  There were doctors, nurses, a chef, Joanna went around drinking everyone's medicine (ummm....I think she was supposed to be giving it out? ;), Michael was the supervising surgeon!  I was the momma who went to visit all the children.  he he he he.....I think something happened and it got out of control though.  YIKES!  Oh well.....

 Here is my little man- standing with only my hands around his hips. 

 Look at him go!!!!!! 

Yes, I am in my PJ's, but that isn't the important part- Look at my little man standing up so well with pretty much just holding my hands.  He can do this for a pretty long time too!!! 

**He did have a soft tissue injury recently.  No idea what happened, but his cerebral palsy doctor said it could have been a standing attempt, or stretching injury.  Well, he got over that now and is back on track standing and working on walking! 

There is this idea that adoption costs too much.  Usually people are talking about money.  It's true- it isn't cheap.  There are great grants, loans, and if you foster to adopt it is either low cost or free.  There are many online websites that have been created to help you fundraise even- WAHOO! 

BUT that isn't what I am talking about.  I am talking about the REAL COST!  The real cost is - YOUR LIFE!  I am not just talking about raising a child.  I am talking more in depth than that.  I am talking about helping them to trust, allow you and God into their hearts, I am talking lots and lots of time and energy, I am talking constant reminders to yourself about connecting to them, I am talking about relearning your parenting skills over and over and honing in on what your child needs- love languages, I am talking about repeating "I love my children" to yourself over and over and over again as they throw things at you from all directions throughout the day. 

I am talking about a sacrificial love that is very hard!  This isn't an easy path.  This is anything BUT the "easy way to have a child".  This is a constant reminder that you will be tested on all sides!  This is a reminder that you CAN NOT DO IT ALONE :).  Oh - I do not like those words.  If you haven't met me yet I would describe myself as a persistent do it yourself kind of person.  ;) 

Oh, and did I mention you will be put completely outside of your comfort zone?  Because you will!  Whether it is someone's remarks to you about your child, or your child's actions, or the way to healing for your child that you never expected to have to do.  Maybe it started with the words- fundraising.  He he he he- that is enough for me to run for the hills!  Much less the crazy hard work of raising any child to begin with...without all the "hard places" some of our children have experienced. 

I think this concept of It Will Cost You Everything......has really hit me this week.  It hasn't been harder necessarily.  Well, I mean we only had one appliance break this week ;).  The kiddos haven't been any "harder" to deal with this week.  I think it is more because recently I was asked why we adopted.  At first I gave my "stock answer" we first adopted because we wanted to have children (I had cancer when I was 8 and a total hysterectomy).  Once our eyes were opened to the need- 163 million orphans worldwide- we decided to be open to that need. 

Both of the above answers are correct!  There is nothing wrong with them.  They are indeed why we have adopted our 9 beautiful children.  On a personal note I think I have realized is deeper than even my compassion and yearning for all children to have a home.  It is one of commitment to the Lord.  Of saying this is something I can do for Him.  I love children.  I love my large family.  I want to serve them and my husband. 

I am FAR from perfect, or even the best.  I get upset.  I lose my patience.  I don't want to keep giving sometimes I just want to hide in the closet.  I roll my eyes back at my kids.  I don't take the time I should to listen to them every time they come to me with something. 

But, my children......they are my living sacrifice to the Lord, imperfect though it is.  My service to them and in turn to God is what I do.  What I want to do for Him.  I want my children to know, to be healed, to be redeemed by the ONE WHO DIED over 2,000 years ago for them, for me! 

When I am tempted to give up and throw in the towel- I try my best to remember my adoption cost Jesus everything!  Praise God HE STILL CHOSE ME!  In turn.....I choose to keep going.  To keep sacrificing.  To keep saying God I can't do this- HELP!  To keep saying.....I am not perfect, but I will continue to give all I can.  IT WILL COST ME/US EVERYTHING AND IT IS WORTH IT!

Sometimes it is just well.....crazier

 As you know I have to have some crazy pictures first right?  So here you go- this is my life.  My husband cut this out of a package.....and so the fun begins.  A few days ago- this is what we found......

 On the seat of our toilet- Yep!  Welcome to my life ;).  Praying nothing explodes here- come on we just fixed the septic!!!! 

 There was a quick redo of rooms.  This is what happens when on top of all the other crazy happening in our world-( GO HERE to read up if you lost count of everything so far)- you just decide well let's just play switcharoo!  :)  So here is what we did..... 

 This is where our 4 girls slept.  A little crowded, but they loved being together.  The only problem......we have some rowdiness going on a lot of the time because......well ya know.  So I had the idea that if we split up the rowdy- it may be less rowdy?  :)

 This was "the babies" room.  Although Joanna had been switched to a "toddler bed" and had sometimes slept in the "big girls" room. 

 This is all the extra stuff thrown in our room while we were "switching". 

 Empty room- seems very strange!!!! 

 Note- the one fan blade looks different.  This was the skill of our girls- they took off the fan blade and put it back on- upside down.  Talent!!!  Especially without a screwdriver! 

 So now.......these two are together...... in this room.....

 And Joanna, Abigail, and Michael are together in the bigger room.

 Yep, doesn't match- oh well.....pretty sure it is ok! 

So continuing with crazy- this is our life theme right?  This past weekend.....

1)  The wall in our boys' bedroom - leaked.......awesomeness.  We thought we had fixed it, but with little to no rain for months (which is very weird for Florida) we found out we hadn't.  Back to the drawing board, with more digging, praying, and coming up with another plan.

2)  Our water heater- died.  Awesome right?  So we had to go buy a new one.

I want to say first of all- PRAISE GOD for people who have given to us without being asked.  There are seriously NO WORDS!!!  We have been blessed beyond measure with people who love and care for us, have seen our needs and given.  I think before our adoptions began I would have been offended.  Like a prideful - we can do this on our own kind of thing.  HA!  Adoption changes that in you pretty quick, because whether it is monetary or not- NO ONE can do it on their own!!!!

I Praise God because I believe our dear friends to be sincere in their gifts, and honoring to the Lord.  They would die if I mentioned them at all, but I wanted to just say God has a way of providing.  We thank them and God for providing for our needs.  We have been able to fix everything without debt!  PRAISE GOD!

To those who wonder how we can afford 9 children.....answer - God has always provided.  HA!  Not for everything I want....although I wouldn't say no.  BUT always for everything we have needed!  

So today even while my hubby has totally been a rock star- through his shouts of "NOT ONE MORE THING"- is outside installing our water heater.  He has spent time learning how to, bought a few new tools, and is hard at work.  How did I ever get this blessed??  I discovered that the only thing sexier than a husband who plays with his 9 beautiful children is a father to 9 who is willing to do whatever he can to fix things around the house even if it means a lot of study as well!  :)

So take a challenge with me- READ AND PRAY PSALM 23 - 7 or more times EVERY DAY THIS WEEK!!!  It was a challenge from our pastor- love it!  So come on.....it will be fun......God can always be trusted to change our hearts to HIM. 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Happy 3rd Birthday Joanna Faith Wright

 Happy Birthday to you.....Happy Birthday to you.....Happy Birthday Dear Joanna......Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 I want to give you a quick recap of our story- How Joanna came to us.  All of our children's stories are miracles- there is NO HUMAN explanation I can assure you, and Joann's story is the same.

Once upon a time there was a mommy and a daddy and 7 beautiful children!!!  (great start huh?)  They were matched with a little girl they named Naomi Caroline from Ethiopia.  They had prayed, raised funds, prepared their hearts and home for this precious daughter to come home soon.  Then they got an unexpected letter from USCIS in the mail while they were overseas visiting family in England.  This letter stated in other words of course that we did not make enough money to adopt another child.  When we tried our best to prove to them that indeed although our salary was not huge, but we had all our housing and utilities paid for- they would not accept that, and said denied!  (In other words our USCIS person needs some Jesus- Desperately!)

 This mommy and daddy were heartbroken beyond belief!!  Had we heard God wrong?  What could we do?  Was there another way to adopt?  I mean we already had "too many" children to foster any more children.  Surely we couldn't do a domestic adoption???  I mean we had 7 children!!!!!  I would totally pick my profile, but would a mother be that confident in a person who had 7 children already??  What could we do??  Our hope was gone, and we lay in disbelief and depression. 

 Until.......I found another blog.  A blog of a person who adopted their 10th child!!!  WAHOOO!!!!  Faith restored, and talked with Tracie Loux - Christian Adoption Consultant!!  She said it was possible to adopt even though we had so many beautiful blessings....could this really be???  After speaking to Tracie on a Friday.....Monday rolled around and she called back asking if we had filled out any paperwork yet.  Ummmm....no we had a retreat group that weekend, and hadn't had time to think about it.  Why??  Oh there may be a situation already??  What???

As it turns out- there were 3 within a 24 hour period of time!  We cried with JOY!!!  We signed on immediately, and prayed hard.  God showed us a situation that was not to be our child, but then showed us JOANNA's situation!!!! 

 People there is NO explaining this- without God.  There just isn't!  We talked excitedly to Deb OKane from Mother Goose :).  We booked flights, filled out a bundle of paperwork, changed our homestudy, transferred money, filled out and scanned more paperwork, made arrangements to be gone, went to Walmart at 4am on our way to the airport, had a flight delay in Louisiana due to a crazy hail storm!!!  I mean- this was CRAZY!!!!!!! 

 BUT GOD!!!!!!

 Sometimes, in our lives it seems like God has somehow failed.  We look at our lives and say- See God!  I told you so!  Why did you do it this way?  This doesn't seem fair!  This isn't right!  We didn't have a bad motive, why didn't this work out the way we planned, hoped, and dreamed??  WHY!!!!!

Then God says, man makes his own plans......

Psalm 20^[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
    may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
    and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
    and accept your burnt offerings.^[b]
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
    and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ May we shout for joy over your victory
    and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

⁶ Now this I know:
    The Lord gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
    with the victorious power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
    but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ Lord, give victory to the king!
    Answer us when we call!

 God knew and heard our call of distress!!!  He knew all about our broken hearts!!!  He knew our daughter was going to need us, when, where, and all those details.  The hardest part is saying- Whatever for You God! 

 He knew that on this day 3 years after Joanna was born that she would have a light sword fight with daddy and laugh and be silly!  Now I don't know about you, but sometimes when things are going crazy- this is a HUGE comfort!!!  I MEAN HUGE!!!  Because God knows our hurts, our hangups, our weaknesses, our strengths, our selfishness, our love for others, our hearts, our minds, all about our spouse, and all about our children and future children! 

 This- our beautiful "stork drop" miracle baby girl who lights up a room with her sassy charm!  Our bundle of complete joy and craziness.  The little baby who never wanted a pacifier, didn't do tummy time, didn't like baby food, has never wanted to go to anyone but mommy and daddy, and she has a crazy sense of humor.  We know God totally sent her to remind us - ummmm we are not perfect parents ;).

Yet, since bringing her "twin" home we have witnessed a bond, a love so deep, and a sense of giving in her sweet heart.  Oh, she has her moments as well, but she is just a huge blessing to us! 

 I can tell you that a little  over 3 years ago.......we needed a miracle.  We were devastated when the miracle we wanted didn't happen, but GOD!  God knew the miracle that would be ours!!!!!

 Happy 3rd Birthday Joanna Faith Wright!!!!

We love you our little boo boo!  :)

**Side note: Now working for Christian Adoption Consultants- Love working  with others walking crazy journeys and praying with and for them!!!  God has brought us to a place where we get to share in the joys and heartaches of others too.  I give God thanks for allowing us to do this and pray that He uses us to connect children and families :).