He is with me now :)

It is killing me too, but I forgot the card reader.....and I can't get the pics off my camera :(  SORRY!

Soooo......WOW!  I can't put into words the rush of feelings and emotions.  It just can't be done.  What I can tell you is- WOW!  As in God totally blows me away!  And I love it. When we got the list of diagnosis we begged God to prepare our hearts for our next child.  We did not want to be "disappointed" in any way.  So we prayed for wisdom, for HIS guidance.  We knew our little man was doing soo many new things because his amazing first healing family had shared that with us.  BUT I also just didn't want to get ahead of myself.

Not sure if that makes sense, but it does to me.  So....the getting to meet your son for the first time jitters are sooo crazy!  Seeing him do things in his home and environment, getting to scoop him up, holding him, feeding him his food and bottle, seeing the love he has been given, seeing him with his favorite toys- all just blew me away!

I know there have been sooo many praying for us!  BELIEVE ME when I say- THANK YOU!!!!  It has been sooo comforting.  I can definitely feel it, and so has his first healing family.  Last night was filled with soo much information.....as well as great adoption conversations, and heart ache too.  But I totally feel like God has allowed me a glimpse into his life and and although adoption comes out of a painfully hard decision- God is our peace.  May not always feel like that, but so GLAD our GOD HEALS!

So today I brought him back to the hotel with me for the afternoon.  And let me tell you....smothering him in kisses and cuddles, watching him play with a crinkly wrapper, watching him explore the hotel room, and then it happened- something amazing.  As I was cuddling him he looked at me.  As in not just a few seconds, but seriously like a whole minute!  And that may sound like not a big deal to many of you.  But, he has only actually started to look at people.  And I got the blessing of that today!!!!  Last night he did actually glance at me, but today- today was different.  My heart melted.

I totally feel like this was such a HUGE GIFT!  I didn't expect it.  I am so glad it happened.

So there you have it....right now little man is sleeping away tuckered out from his play time.  I am totally staring at him, and will go back to cuddling next to him as soon as I am done typing.  Thinking wow!  I know this road will not be easy.  It will be hard.  I also know that God does the most amazing things through the hardest things.