I HATE RAD!

 There have been many sweet moments of bonding between our twins!!! 

 I mean look at this!  This is what our hearts wanted! 

 This is what we prayed for, for our babes!!!!!!!!!!!

God has given us soo many new BLESSINGS with Michael and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I wish I could tell you that my whole life is filled with the above :).  That would be great - right?  I mean that is what I sooooo want to pretend is MY LIFE!  I REALLY DO!  And it is, but it is only part of my life.

But......it is not always my life.  No matter how many times I play the above scene in my mind.....it doesn't change ugliness that happens.

Some of you may not know what RAD is- Reactive Attachment Disorder.  I myself- don't give a lot of anything to letters- because to me letters like ADHD or RAD, or words like dyslexia- are just words.  Yes, they have meaning, but really it is something that you have to deal with work through together as a family.  Letters are just letters and words are just words.  So if you want to know more about what RAD looks like or the symptoms, etc. google it.  There is a lot of information out there.

But, what I can tell you is I HATE RAD!!!!!  I HATE RAD because- I LOVE MY CHILD!!!!  I do not like who they become when they are behaving in the "hurt child".  It means that they have a hurt heart- and that is what I do not like!!!  I DO NOT LIKE THE HURT part of their life.  I don't like the fact that their wounds come out in such a way that leave everyone else in their path wounded.  I do not like the fact that they don't want to accept love from me or others because they are too hurt in the moment!  I do not like the fact that I just want them to be HEALED!  Never to feel this way again.  I just want to take away all the memories of pain!!!!!!!!!

I mean isn't that what all moms feel?  Don't we all just want our children to be HEALED!  To not remember the bad stuff?  To remember all the love we pour into them!!!!!!  To remember the fact that they have given their lives to CHRIST and HE ALONE SETS THEM FREE FROM SUCH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!

My heart longs for this for my child!  My heart wants and desires them to be set free!!!!!  They have given their heart to Christ!  I know they believe, and I have seen them healing.

BUT the problem with sin in our world is it creeps back into our lives and tries to "claim" us again.  To whisper in our ears- ummm....yeah you are not that great, the healing touch of your Savior is a lie.....you are not beautiful.....you are not loved......you are worthless......no one loves you............and it whispers- push the ones you love away.....push God away....push everyone away!

So after not seeing the "hurt child" on a consistent basis for a while now......THIS WEEK IT REARED IT'S UGLY HEAD (and I am NOT talking about the face of my beautiful child!!!!!!!!)  I am referring to the HURT!!!!  That hurt is a direct result of sin!  The HURT that I WANT TO REMOVE!

And I am being totally REAL HERE- I am NOT THE WORLD'S BEST MOMMY!!!  There are times like today that I DID NOT DO THE RIGHT THING!  I just didn't.   I wanted to.  I desired to.  I tried to.  I was doing good.......until I just couldn't take it any more!  WHY???  WHY DOES MY CHILD HAVE TO HURT?  WHY DOES THE FAMILY THAT LOVES THEM HAVE TO BE THIER TARGET?  And I crumbled.............and I sinned in my anger.

BUT after prayer, time alone to regroup ask forgiveness of our HEAVENLY FATHER, time to rededicate myself to the LORD, time to think about my rotten actions and words........I felt the Lord say to me- just like your child you are forgiven because you are MY DAUGHTER!  That is a pitfall that many parents fall into.  This UGLINESS makes US believe that we are worthless as well.  BUT WE ARE NOT!!!!  WE ARE GOD'S CHOSEN ONES!!!

We are the ONES GOD CHOSE for our CHILDREN!  HE CHOSE US TO parent them!!!!  HE CHOSE US TO love them, protect them, forgive them, start over again with them- even if it is every minute of the day!  HE CHOSE US TO continually forgive ourselves for being unfaithful and to remember that HE LOVES US TOO!  And after all of that- I had to ask them for their forgiveness, reassure them I LOVED THEM NO MATTER WHAT, reassure that that I am sorry for my actions and I will do whatever I can all the time to rebuild what I hurt today.  To ask them to trust me once again even though their trust was broken.  To ask them to pray with me that theirs and my healing would take place......and I believe it did. 

OH PARENTING!  The BLESSING that sometimes HURTS!  Lord, I ask that anyone reading this today remembers your EXTREME LOVE for THEM!  NO MATTER WHAT SITUATION- it could be a child struggling with attachment, or a special needs child, a single parent, ANY parent who is struggling, a single person yearning to be married, a person trying to lose weight, a person trying to get right with God- but things keep getting in the way, a person who is struggling with a boss or coworker, struggling with who they are, struggling with loss, struggling with .........

YOU SEE- YOU ARE HIS CHILD!!!!!  IT IS TRUE!  LET HIM HEAL YOU!!!!!  And when you give in because it is hard- I mean really really really hard- THEN ALLOW HIM BACK IN!  ALLOW HIM TO HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART AND GIVE YOU JOY!

***Yep, a lot of capital letter words today- I guess that is my mood :)  Praying for you reading this - and remember that I will gladly lift up any prayer concerns you have, as well as share your joys!  :)

******Further confession time:  In my anger I kicked a wall and broke at least 1 if not 2 toes.  :(  OYE!!!!  Oh if I could just get it all figured out!!!!

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY MICHAEL JASON WRIGHT!!!!!!!!

 Mommy.....what is all this?  Well sweetie today we are celebrating that 2 years ago- YOU WERE BORN!!!!!!!!! 

 Ok.....what is this then?  Welcome to fun presents baby!!!!

 Some snuggles :)

 Look at his excited face!!!  He loves this present- it makes noise, and songs, and has a tiny moving screen!!!

 The kids all pressing in to see what he got!

 Look at me- I am pretty special!!!

 Hmmm.....these balls are pretty cool!

 I am pretty handsome aren't I?

 And these trucks are pretty cool too!

 Joanna....you wouldn't be playing with your brother's birthday toys would you?

 Happy Birthday Baby!!!!!!  WE LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 Awwww.....the twins sharing some cuteness!!!!!!

 Oh dear?  Joanna- Woof!  That is some severe LOVE!!!!  he he he he he.......awwwww.......

 Hey, a man has to have the essentials!  MILK it does the body good :)

 Look at this outfit!  It was a gift from a bloggy friend- more on that later, but just concentrate on my cuteness please!

 I love my TOYS!!!  Wow this Birthday thing is AWESOME!

 Happy Face!!!

 So......these things are like the best ever!!!!!

 And I was sooo excited....

 And having sooo much fun with them......

 That mommy kept snapping pictures.......

 Cause I was smilin'......

 And chasing.......I love balloons!!!!!!!

 OK....what is this.....I have to sit up and play with toys....

 Yep, and you did wonderful sweetie!!!!!!

Hey, mom tell him about the awesome cupcakes!!!!!!  I LOVE this part!!!!

OK sweetie- here is your tower of cupcakes!!!

With a big 2 on top!

Ummm.......looks good...........

What you eat this?

Umm.......I could maybe get used to this??  :)  (***he doesn't eat soled foods yet, but he was kinda digging the sugary buttercream frosting)

Ummm....now this is what I am talking about!

See- Michael do this- it's fun, squishy, and makes you look really cute!

Ummm.....I am already CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :)  YES BABY YOU ARE!!!!

Michael, there is just more than a rush of emotions today!  More than just we love you and are soo happy that you are here- ALTHOUGH WE ARE!  It is more than that because today we remember your birth mom and your first healing family too!!!!  They are all a part of your story!!!  And ALWAYS will be!!!!  And that is such a HUGE MIRACLE!  It is on our minds today......and every day, but more today because we love them.  Because you would not be you without them!  And you would not be here without them!

Oh......the words just aren't really coming out right tonight, but believe me son when I say that today was HUGE!  Today was a party in our home and in our hearts, and in the hearts of some other amazing people!  WE ALL LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!  Some day you will know the many, many, many, many, many people that prayed over you, for you, for all the changes you have faced, the hard things, the hard things your first families faced, the pain, the JOY, and everything inbetween!!!!

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY MICHAEL!!!!!!!  WITH MORE LOVE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happenings in the Wright Home

 Awww.....look at this beautiful girl!  How could you ever think she would do anything wrong?  She looks angelic right? 

 And this handsome model.  Very cute if I do say so myself!!

 Oh dear....this little one is just well- ADORABLE and you want to squeeze her!

 This little man rarely gets put down.....except when I remind myself he needs to strengthen his muscles and he can't do that all the time in my arms.  ;) 

 How stinking tall will this beautiful young lady get?  OYE!  That's it I am chopping off her legs.  :)  he he he.....I have maybe a teeny bit of envy ok!

 Look at them all playing so well together.....

 And daddy gets a turn too!!!! 

 Ummm.....mommy is just going to model- because ummm....I stink at this thing- :)

 Hey you Joanna- what do you think of the new scooters?  Wooooooowwwwww

 How is that helmet supposed to fit?  Ummm....yeah....we need to work on that!

 Hey handsome, in his stoller so he can join the wheels of fun time!

 Aww...big brother helping!

And look Joanna is manning the whole operation making sure everyone is behaving :)

So confession time again.  It's good for the soul right?  Ummmm......these scooters.  Yea, they were a present from months ago!!!!  We don't do traditional Christmas presents on Christmas day.  We are crazy like that.  We do presents, but more randomly, and usually over time.  So this was just a lot more time....he he he he....or yea....all our kids found them because we had gotten them out to give to them, and you can't hide 4 scooters and 8 helmets very easily??  And well.......they sat there because we had to put some of them together- mainly the 3 wheel one that is for the littles.

So there  you have it- parents of the year award goes to.......NOT US!  :)  Thank you very much!!!

Ok so I really don't think that this has anything really to do with parents of the year award.  Parenting is soo much more than presents, or underwear (see last post), or whatever you are dealing with at the moment.

So what has been happening in our home......well......since Jason had a week off for when we flew up to bring Michael home and then 2 weeks of working part time from home we went to MOSI (museum of Science and Industry with LOADS of kids fun stuff) one morning, and yesterday- because Jason worked a full day Thursday we went to Universal with the kiddos again.  Getting great use out of our year long passes to both places!  We figured if you spend the money on it- make it worth it!!!!!!!!

We obviously have been doing some scooting.  Which the kids have LOVED!!!  And getting outdoors in this great weather!!!  Even filled up our pool (we usually keep it filled, but not always to the top if you like) in hopes of sometime soon getting in it.  Probably within the monthish.  Yes, it will be cold, but our kids don't care!  They have already been swimming in the ocean twice, and that was cold too!!!

Today I went to a ladies brunch for mommies that are having their children dedicated in church, while Jason went to play laser tag with some daddies!  And tomorrow we will be dedicating our twins!!!  Now in case you have not been to our blog for long- Joanna and Michael are a month a part, but I like calling them my twins.  They don't act anything like each other in any physical form- except they are about the same height and weight, but it is fun for me to say because I always wanted twins!  :)

It was fun- great food and GREAT CONVERSATION!!!  I hope I was able to encourage some mommies I got to talk to.  I think it is sooo important that people understand we are NOT SUPER HEROES!!!!  That is a misconception!!!!!  We are just a family that happens to have a lot of children and we love them :)

What is important is that we encourage each other to help them along the way - every chance we get!  Let's face it - it is HARD WORK being a parent!!!!  Whether you are expecting or have 20+ children!!!  It is HARD!  Not unbearable, not horrible, but hard nonetheless.

So if you are here reading this, and you are a mommy- I want to take a minute to ENCOURAGE YOU!!!!!!!  Believe me when I say we all have hard times, make mistakes, have issues with our kiddos, and face extreme situations.  BUT BEING A MOMMY or DADDY IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!  I pray you will find hope in all the chaos of raising children.  I PRAY that you will know that you are NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!  I am right there with you, maybe not physically, but I am here doing the mommy thing with you.  And I pray you realize HOW SPECIAL THAT IS!!!!!

Ok, so without writing 10 more posts in one.....I will just say I pray your weekend is GREAT!  Oh and did I mention that Michael is turning 2 on the 27th?  Oh, well HE IS an we are pretty EXCITED ABOUT IT!!  :)