How does it feel to raise a special child?

 First I would LOVE to point out that Michael is playing in his food and in this house that is HUGE!!  He has gained a pound in one month!  And yesterday he ate a whole 6 oz jar of lasagna (3rd foods) and didn't gag ONCE!  WAHOOOOO MICHAEL!!!!

 So on to the question at hand.  If you would have asked me this question a few months ago I would have talked about ADHD, RAD, or dyslexia.  Those were the things I had knowledge of before.  Now our family has experienced almost 6 months of having Michael with us and our world has changed- FOR THE BETTER!!! 

 What is wrong with Michael?  NOTHING!!!!!  I hate that question!!!!!  Whew.....just had to get that off my chest!

This is the doctor's version of his diagnosis:  Michael was born a preemie, he contracted hiv from his birth mom (he was not kept on the meds and suffered a lot and got very very sick as a baby which they believe caused his brain damage), he has mild cebral palsey, and since he had very little interaction for over a year of his life he has sensory needs and has autistic tendencies, he also is globally behind other 2 year olds.  He may never progress past the age of 5.  He may have severe autism?  He has records that talk about his brain damage which seemed to be a pretty big deal.  Since he lacked the interaction his cebral palsey stiffened his joints and there was not good muscle development.  He makes bits of eye contact, but seconds and maybe a minute at a time, but has held contact for 10 minutes once!  That's all :).   

 Why would I say it like that?  Because look at who he is - REALLY!  I mean I know he has several strikes against him!  I know we have been told not to expect too much.  I know that others may never view him as "normal", but you know my theory- WHY BE NORMAL???  God doesn't call us to be normal.  He calls us to be devoted to HIM. 

 OK so back to how does it feel to raise a special child?  AWESOME!!!!  I seriously can't imagine my life without him.  I can't imagine if we would have not followed the call to bring him home.  This boy has walked into our lives and turned it upside down.  You see we don't view things like we used to.  We don't view him by what he can't do.....but by what he can do. 

 We don't think about things he may or may not do in his future, but all the dreams we have for him right now!  We PRAISE GOD for EVERYTHING!  It is an amazing feeling!!!!!  The more we get to know our "rockstar" Michael the more our hearts change.  We change our hearts to say.....isn't this the way we should treat every child.  Be excited about all of their accomplishments?  Not worrying about their future, but celebrating the here and now?  Not taking for granted ANYTHING? 

 You see parenting a special child like Michael is full of JOY!!!!  How can this face not melt you?  You see too many people think I couldn't do that.  I couldn't parent a child like Michael because he can't do what other kids can.  He doesn't fit the mold our world creates.  It scares me.  I don't want to be looked at strange.  I don't want to have others ask me all sorts of uncomfortable questions.  I don't know if I could love a child that doesn't "act normally".  I don't know if I could? 

 Yep, he is not like my other 8 kiddos.  Ummm....none of my babes are alike ;0 just so you know.  I think when we say we don't know if we could we are selling God short.  After all HE CREATED MICHAEL!  If he created Michael.....don't you think HE created us to love him? 

 There are days when I wonder what HE was thinking......but not because I feel that Michael is too much, but more so because I feel like I am inadequate.  You know.....I feel that same way about our other 8 children!!!  In fact there are days .....let's be honest....DAILY.....that I feel like I am not good enough to be any of my children's mother.  It's true!  I think we all doubt if we are honest - are we doing this parenting thing right?  Am I pointing them to God enough?  Am I yelling too much?  How in the world do I handle this new "phase" or "thing"?  Will they ever learn......????

 Oh, but the JOY in parenting a special child is soooo much better than anything I have experienced, in different ways.  When Michael learns a new skill it is like Christmas or Easter morning to me!!!!  SOMETHING HUGE!  Our whole family celebrates!  And his laughter, giggles, smiles, and cuddles ARE THE BEST! 

 It is true he can't talk to me...yet....and tell me what he is thinking.  He can't express himself like his "twin" sister can.   He can't walk yet, and he may never potty train.

  There are extra therapy appointments weekly, and doctors appointments, he still eats baby food, and getting him to drink from a sippy cup has proven to turn my hair different shades.  He has an attitude that is adorable- most of the time except when he spits out his food for the 100th time. 

 BUT.........GOD!  God has given me a love for him so very fierce I would protect him with my life!  I would run a marathon if someone told me it would help him even a little bit.  I learn from the therapists and work with him at home, I give him his meds faithfully, I take him to all of his medical appointments and listen carefully.  I SOOO WANT IT ALL FOR HIM!!!!!!

 You see there is something that is different about Michael.........it is something God planted there. 

 It has nothing to do with what the world calls "normal intelligence" it is sooo much better than that!  In fact it is like an unexplainable JOY that can not be duplicated. 

 How does it feel to raise a special child?  LIKE MAGIC, except I don't believe in magic.....I believe in GOD!  So what is the word I am looking for? 

 searching......my mind.......

Oh yea.......parenting a special child like Michael feels like- HEAVEN ON EARTH!!!!!

***I haven't forgotten about the drawing for the book.....sorry....will be happening soon.  Sick kiddos has not helped this week :).  Please pray for health.  The funny part- Michael hasn't gotten sick, but every other child has- YEA!  :)  So much for the theory that hiv babes get sick more- Not true!

Happy 37th Birthday Jason!!! (Sunday)

 To my handsome hubby!!!!  Yes that is a picture of him when he was little.  he he he he he......

 Now what man with a table full of children could want any more?  :) 

 So here he is opening up more cards..... (Michael couldn't wait for breakfast....so he has already had some ;) 

 And what did he get for his birthday?  Well what else do you get when you are turning 37?

 A spring pool float!!!!  Hey, people, we don't spend mega cash!  It isn't what we do here.  AND I promise it is what he wanted.

 I have no idea what daddy was doing, but it evidently was funny to Joann.

 Awww.....Sarah.....that paper makes you look so....ummm......well normal for you!  :)

 Boys reading the Sunday comics........

And here is the Birthday Boy taking a relaxing float.  I gave him a full 20+ minutes before I let the kids out!

To my handsome hubby who would rather have a pool float and 9 children than a fancy car and no children.  To my hubby who works hard repairing things in his spare time so we can save money and not replace things.  To a man who will go to any lengths to connect to his children!!!

To a man who is fun to be around, love me, and tells me that every day!  To a man who rushes home from work and can't wait to be with me.  To a man that although could cook a million times better than me (it is what his degree is in- catering and management), but would NEVER criticize me in the kitchen.  To a man who is leading me and our family to get closer to God!

To a man who gives up sleeping in to spend time with God!  To a man who loves our church and wants to volunteer to help.  To a man who is passionate about adoption and foster care and is not afraid to tell others!!

WE LOVE YOU!!!!!  And that is a LOT OF LOVE.....from Dawn, Abigail, Andrew, Joshua, Matthew, Sarah, Elizabeth, Jonathan, Michael, and Joanna :)

**If you still want to enter to win the book Anything....just leave a comment on this post or the last one- :)  If you share it on facebook or your blog and link it up let me know and you will get another entry!  An amazing book!!!!!!  Read about it!  I will be sharing about what a difference it has made to my thinking and how God has of course once again proved Himself AWESOME in our lives.  But.....that post is in the making and may take a while to get all the thoughts and parts put together.  Believe me when I say- AWESOME!  :)

The book: ANYTHING by Jennie Allen

 So book review is coming....but oh so much more than a review!  First things first- a cute kid picture.....because we all know this is what we all LOVE to see ;)  Below is my homeschool room/catch all room (you are only laughing because you know it's true!).  We decided to paint it because after all we are on the 5 year painting routine where within the next 5 years our home will actually be repainted on the inside....and then we will probably have to start over ;).  Oh well.....these faces are much more important than our walls people!!!!! 

 So here is the beginning of our disaster.  If you don't remember what it looked like before...ummmm.....you can scroll down and see the end result- pretty much the same except a few things and a much nicer brighter room!!!!!  See if you can spot all the other areas of my home that took on a lot of the junk stuff that was in the homeschool room?

 I was contacted and sent a book called Anything the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul by Jennie Allen.  She has also written Bible Studies Stuck and Chase.  I knew with a title like that I was going to be hearing really clearly from the Lord some things HE has in mind for me and our family.  How could you not?  So the first decision......do I even say yes to reading it? 

 After thinking about it for a few minutes.....I said - ummm YES!  WOW!!!!  I am going to attempt to put into words what this book is about, but really you have to read it for yourself- AND I WILL GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO DO JUST THAT...stay tuned!!!

 In the book Jennie explains how she had said even before getting married that she didn't want to live a typical life.  Her husband took that as a good thing and after years of being married, 3 kids, her husband being a pastor, and a newly built home.......they decided that ANYTHING prayer needed to happen. 

 You see she felt......comfortable.   What is wrong with comfortable you ask?  Well she doesn't put it this way, but it is what the Lord spoke to me as I was reading this book.....when we are comfortable we create idols.  GASP!  Ummm.....YES I SAID THE WORD IDOLS!!!  As in we sit around thinking that we have it good and we don't want to mess it up.  Why in the world should we?  I mean God does say that he will prosper His people right?  Shouldn't we live in that?

 Oh boy.......here is some toe stepping..........NO!  No we shouldn't!!  Look it is NOT wrong to have enough to eat, to have clothes, to have a vehicle, to have a home.  BUT (there is always a but right?) what if I were to tell you that anytime we have those things to excess or above and beyond we claim it as OURS and NOT GOD'S.  YES WE DO!  Now right there....you may decide to never read my blog again.....

 I hope you do.  You see I am going to explain some of my own IDOLS!  YES I HAVE THEM!!!  People I am normal....well you know in a hypothetical sort of way.  So is Jennie!  She makes it clear that she is sipping Starbucks in her nice home as she writes.  NO ONE even those who are missionaries and live with next to nothing is perfect.

ONE DAY THOUGH.....when the Lord comes again- we WILL BE!!  Oh I just can't wait!!! 

 OK back to the book sorry....adhd sometimes kicks in.  What if we each prayed......ANYTHING God.....ALL I HAVE IS TRULY YOURS!  

She is talking about it this way- do you have a home?  Is it yours?  Is God calling you to give that up...to move for HIM, to sell it and give that money away and rent something cheaper or move to a cheaper home?

Do you have a spare room, or room enough in your child's room for another bed or a bunk bed?  (this was one of her Anythings the Lord cashed in on....and they were blessed with a little boy from Rwanda)

Do you have enough money to give away?  Better yet because we all pretend like we don't have enough money, but really IN REALITY we do (and yes I am real in the fact that there are some a small portion of people who don't).  Do you have more than enough food?  Can you give away things in your possession?

Do you have a car- two cars?  Do you really need them?

How about being willing to give your time away?  Yes, we all say we don't have time, but really again like the money thing....most of us do have some time.  Would you be willing to volunteer to do children's ministry at your church, write a Bible Study for HIM (again something Jennie was scared outside her mind to do and yet she did a fantastic job at capturing the very essence of what the Lord has been putting on my own heart!), can you volunteer to make a meal for someone who can't get out and go and sit and eat it with them, how about visiting the nursing home where too many lay forgotten on beds in small rooms with nothing? 

 How about???  And that is the question......HOW ABOUT YOU- WHAT IS YOUR ANYTHING?

 Here are some other things about her book that just make it real to me...not just a movement to say - do something.

Pg 121. "This defies our pragmatism.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I grew up in a conservative Bible church.  Holy Spirit seemed to mean something out of control and lacking truth.  The Holy Spirit is truth- how can we miss him throughout the pages of truth, the Bible?  Until we believe in the reality of a spiritual war where spiritual beings exist and spiritual plan is being accomplished, we won't need an invisible Spirit's help.  This is ridiculous....unless it is all real.

I had made following Christ all about a bunch of rules and principles.  But the relationship I'd heard about all that time growing up, this was it.  God in me.  Leaning into him for self-control when my nine-year-old talks back, for guidance on where to use God's gifts in me, for words when I am fleshing out this book he led me to write, and for patience as the consequences of obeying flooded our lives.

Without the Spirit of God to lead our anythings, we will only be do-gooders with our own agendas.  And they will fizzle.  It will be a phase, some dramatic spiritual experiment we look back on fondly, wishing it had been real life.  But sometimes the real thing takes time.  We prayed anything, but it was over the course of months and years that our anythings have been revealed.  I imagine this will continue for the rest of our lives; if we remain willing, more anythings are in store.

The Spirit now is in us, those bound to Christ, and we wait on him to act.  We wait on him to tell us what's next.  This is not easy, but it is pretty simple."

 Man that is a lot to take in!!  YES there is spiritual warfare and yes it all makes sense when we actually turn to God and say- anything.  That anything over and over and over will take us places where our only source of strength is to say to God - YOU WIN!  I will give it all for you because YOU are the ONLY thing worth having. 

 pg 165 "I hate pat answers.....and the thought that Jesus was the answer to all the problems inside me always felt like one.  I never would have said that out loud.  I did actually believe he was powerful enough to heal what was broken in me, but I did not know how to take that truth and shove it deep inside of me where it snapped in and felt different.

'Jennie, I think most of us live thinking there is a medium.  A place where we can live regular lives and serve God too.'  Jessica spoke to me honestly in my living room as we stayed up late talking about surrender, talking about why it is so hard for all of us to give in and how few people we know who truly live surrendered lives. "


So very true.....how do we take our lives and TRULY SURRENDER.  This is a daily process of dying over and over.  This is a process for me, for you, and for everyone who catches a glimpse of a God who is soo HUGE that they just have to do it.  They have to say- ok God anything!  I want it in my heart, in my soul, in my every breath! 

pg 168 "As we were about to pay our bill and finish dinner, Bekah leaned forward and said, 'I have been a Christian for almost thirty years and yet I would say that over the past couple years, I've just now started to grasp how much he really does love me.  I've been so programmed to perform as a 'follower of Christ,' and all God ever wanted was for me to surrender, to set aside the agenda and to follow.  How easy, yet how challenging, when the world and even the church told or shoed me the 'agenda' of what a Christian should be like, act like, look like.  It's so refreshing to live now."

pg 168 "Abandoment only makes sense if there is a God worthy of abandoning everything for.  The greatest gift in surrender is that in letting go of everything you think will fix you and make you feel better, you find a person.....not a pat anser or a verse or a cause.  After you head clears from the struggle of wrestling yourself to the ground, you see a person.

He was there before when you were preoccupied, but now you see him.

Jesus said, 'These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full' (John 15:11)."


So often we are soo afraid to let go.  We are afraid for different reasons of different things.  In the book Jennie was scared out of her mind of adoption.  This is where God led them and yet it just seemed too much, too big, and just not what was comfortable.

Obviously, ummm....that is not the same for me ;).  BUT I/WE all have things that feel the same way for us!!  I will be sharing more on that later.

In closing there is something in the book that also made me stop and think.  She talks about breaking the idea in our hearts and heads that just because something is harder than what we thought.  Just because we experience loss or hardships.....does NOT mean that it isn't what God called us to do.

I have heard people say.....I would love to do that if I had the money.  Ummm.....I hate to break it to you, but if God calls you to do it- you need to do it!  God may provide, or He may ask you to reach deeper, sacrifice and do more fundraising, wait, or get others involved even when it makes you uncomfortable!  AMEN!  Sometimes I wonder how many people are not fulfilling God's plans for them because they are scared God may not provide.  HE WILL but it doesn't always look the same or pretty with a bow on top.

I pray that these excerpts will touch your heart and help you to start searching for your Anythings!

So.....who wants to read this book???  AWESOME!  Then accept the challenge.......
Leave a comment here (make sure I can get to an email from the comment- or watch for my announcement of the winner and I will ask you then).
Can't comment?  I know sometimes it happens- so send me an email
or a private facebook message.

Or....want a second or third chance to get an entry?  Show me some link love and link me up to your blog or share my facebook link (which will be on my facebook too....so just click share).  Oh don't forget to come back and leave a comment saying you did those things or I won't remember because I will forget I don't want to miss putting your name in the hat twice or three times :).

Or....for an extra challenge give me some of your ANYTHINGS you are grappling with or have given over to God already or thinking about...any of the above!!

I will "the old fashioned way" because I am technically challenged I love to do things the hard way- put names in a hat- and have my kiddos draw it next week.

Happy 10th Birthday Joshua David Wright!

 Introducing our newest double digit child!  YIKES!!  Happy Birthday Joshua!!!

 Let's see a Spiderman and Avengers books.....

 and........

 LOTS of Star Wars figurines :)

 Look at his adoring fan right next to him ;)

 Joshua......I am sooo GLAD you are our child!  I am sooo glad that we went into foster "again" after moving because we knew there was a need.  I am sooo VERY glad that after thinking this was a temporary thing that God made it permanent even if it took 3 years!  I am BLESSED because on those hard days we didn't give up, but instead gave it over to God again and again.  KNOWING HIS PLANS ARE PERFECT!

 You have given us all such a huge Blessing that there are really no words for it!

 You are my "Michael" in the movie "The Blindside".  You are a protector.  I know God is doing great things in your life!  I know you are following HIM and I am sooo BLESSED to know you. 

 Soooo.....here is your carrot cake with cream cheese frosting!!!!  And a number 10 on it (sniff sniff). 

 This was my facebook post from your birthday (which was on Friday):  Today a sweet boy that came to us 7 years and one 1/2 month ago is turning 10! Joshua David Wright you are now in the double digits which makes me cry....not because I am not extremely proud of you, but because I have fallen that in love with you!!! You are such a caring and compassionate person and I am so proud to be your mommy!!!!!!!

 Go ahead Joshua......grow older.....grow in God.....knowing that you have a family that loves you forever!!!

Happy 10th Birthday Joshua David Wright :)