In the adoption process when you are finished with the home study, the paperwork for the agencies, and the profile you then come to a really exciting time in the process because you are ready to be "matched". You finally get to say, "Yes I would like to be present my profile to an expectant family."
It is time for celebration in the journey and a relief that you are done with so much paperwork! So you see some situations of an expectant family and as you pray and read through them you know you want to say yes to presenting your profile to an expectant family.
Somewhere between the paperwork and the busyness of the process it hits you that you may hear a "no" from the expectant family. They may choose another family. Then your mind races with thoughts of, "Why would they chose them and not us?", "Why is our family not good enough?", or "Was it because of that picture we put in the profile?"
You may begin to think and feel a small voice saying, "See you aren't good enough.", "You don't have what it takes to adopt", or "You will never be chosen."
My heart in sharing these thoughts is because they are normal thoughts, and anyone going through the process of adoption have them. That isn't to down play how it feels because adoption is a roller coaster of emotions. It is to say you are not alone in feeling this way.
My second reason is because sometimes we don't see the other side of adoption or maybe we don't picture it well. So I want to make a clearer picture for families who are all waiting. The expectant families you read about are making one of the toughest decisions of their entire life. It is not taken lightly and there are literally a million reasons why they have made this decision to place a child and a million reasons why they are going to choose a specific family.
In other words it isn't a mathematical equation. One expectant family chooses an adoptive family simply because of the smile that draws her eyes to your picture, because you are the biggest sports fans, because you love horses, or because the children in your home look so very loved they can just picture their child with your children.
If there was anything I can say to help you in your time of doubt. It would be that God always has a plan that can be trusted. There are many times of doubt and fear, but God tells us in Philippians 4:7 " And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
It's ok to have doubt, but take heart because God can give you peace even when you feel the heartbreak of not being chosen. He knows your heart in wanting to adopt and shares in that spirit of love and caring. He has a plan for the expectant family as well as yours to be joined forever by two beautiful hands and feet of a child.
It can be really hard not to doubt the process. AND I have definitely felt all the things that you wrote about. I truly find comfort knowing I am not alone and God is with us every step of the way.
ReplyDeleteEven in the "no's", God has a plan. And although it's at times it's hard to see past the hurt in the moment; one day when you (and I) are looking at that precious little baby, we will know. We will know why we experienced each no, and each heartache. For God had a plan, far greater than we could have ever imagined. <3
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