The Noise

 So today's pictures brought to you by Mission's Week with jr/sr high EMERGE from The Crossing Church :).  I have been working with Emerge Missions for about 3+ years now.  It pretty much allows me to still enjoy youth since I miss that part of the time when we worked at camp and when I was a teacher. 

This week we did a "home makeover" for a widow who is taking care of her grandkiddos.  We also did some food sorting for a local food bank, visiting the nursing home, did some repairs at a home for battered women and at a home that helps people who are homeless get back on their feet, helped a homeless man one on one, and putting on a fun day for families that are migrant workers nearby.  We got the chance not only to "do stuff" for others, but to pray with them, to witness to many, and to build relationships with each other! 

 So THE NOISE!  It sometimes feels deafening.  It feels as though it surrounds your brain and you can't hear the things you love anymore.  It can drown out your sanity and worse yet it can overcome you. 

 This past week has been hard for me.  I am not sure why really except tonight I realized I needed quiet.  Now don't pass out.  If you know me well you know that I crave and thrive when I am with people and going a 100mph - henceforth the 9 kids, and a very extroverted personality! 

 It wasn't my kiddos- they are fine and beyond our normal crazy it hasn't been anything ultra nuts.  I mean the AC went out in our van.... again... for the 3 time since last summer.  The dog chewed Micheal's 2nd set of glasses.  We did home school and I did work and Jason has done work.  There were appointments to keep.  It's pretty typical week you may say. 

 We have gotten back into a routine!  And all the people who are type A like me said Ahhhhh........

 So why then do I feel like there is NOISE? 

 It happens quite easily.  It starts with not getting your quiet time- due to sickness, or bad scheduling, or plain ol' skipping.  Then in creeps bad habits and then you forget.... 

 Forget who you are in Christ.  When this happens the noise creeps in.  Just a little pitter pat type noise at first. 

 Then before you know it, it gets out of control!!!

 You start second guessing everything- your mommy skills, your home schooling skills, your ability to parent much less 9 children!  You second guess your ability to be the wife you know your husband needs.  You second guess that you are even of value to anyone.  You second guess yourself in every aspect. 

 Then that critical judgement of yourself! 

 The one that points out every mistake that you made that day!  EVERY SINGLE ONE! 

Believe me people there are a lot of mistakes to be made in just one hour let alone one day! 

 You realize how horrible you have acted, you replay what you should have said and done, and you make yourself feel like a total loser. 

 You are plugging away, but the JOY is missing.  Where did it go?  Can I ever get it back?  I can't even hear or feel the good things anymore it is like they have disappeared. 

 The noise is now deafening!  It hurts your ears.  You feel ashamed and unworthy of love. 

 Then GOD!  Then God whispers and you finally hear it.  You finally hear that loving still small voice that you have been longing for.  You rejoice at the voice of that old friend who hasn't left your side. 

 The tears flow.........

 And you ask questions like- Am I even in your will?  Help me to remember who I am!  What should I be doing about ..........?  God guide me in what you want me to be.  Lord I can't keep carrying all of these burdens they are just too heavy.  I need rest.  I need quiet time with you.  I need to put away all of those "super important" things and remember you are my most important relationship! 

 My first love.  My King and Savior. 

When that noise kicks in- be sure to kick it to the curb!  Don't let it eat you alive and spit you out. 

Step back into God's presence..... and let HIM remind you of WHOSE you are. 

As for me- I am the Daughter of the Most High!  I am complete in Him.  I am worthy.  I was chosen to be my children's mother.  I was chosen to be my husband's bride and help mate.  I was chosen by God to play a role in Emerge.  I was chosen for so many great things!  I just can't do it on my own.  I have to listen for that sweet voice of my Savior for direction.