Friday, January 14, 2011
Real Life at the Wright Home Part 2
Real Life with Reactive Attachment Disorder. AGAIN- I HATE LABELS!!!!! Read my last post if you want to see the explanation. SO for these expansions in what we deal with....I am not going to name names. I may use he or she in random order may use both in the same sentence....just to be silly. Remember this is how our family rolls :) I have never told my children this is what you have. We have not taken our children to see anyone about it. Actually we did when the "state" ordered us to for one of our children, but that was to prove that he was attached to us in such a strong attachment after 3 years- that it would be harmful to place him with his biological family. There were issues with going back anyway....long story...
So back to reality....what has this looked like in our home. This is not all at once, but this is what it looks like for us sometimes daily, sometimes hourly.
- Lying daily. I mean obvious silly lies that really are ridiculous. Example - honey where is ____ I don't know....it was under her pillow? Another example- honey where did you put the nail polish container? There is nail polish all over the bed sheets. I don't know I didn't do this. Yeah....that kind of thing- daily! :)
- Open affection toward anyone. Strangers, people she knows very little about- doesn't matter. Walking up to people in a store and hugging them and saying you are my best friend. Yeah, cute to them....not so cute to me. Kissing someone she barely knows. YIKES!
- Fake flattery to try to "win people over". Hey, I love your shoes...or your hair is pretty...etc. While being very crazy with her body motions like she is on a first date or something. Completely over the top for the situation.
- Constantly breaking things- ALL THE TIME. Let's see broken curtain rods ripped out of the walls- 1 -3 times, 4 others, picking at bedsheets- apart, pulling down towel bars- too many times to think about, dumping soaps out all the time, destructive behavior such as picking at things until they bleed, pulling hair out, picking holes in the walls, tearing anything to shreds- constantly- paper, plastic bed sheets, toys, you get the picture. I am not talking normal "wear and tear" of 8 children...I am talking destructive on purpose, but then acting like - what's the problem?
- No consequence connections at all. Impulsive. This in itself is NOT RAD, but with the others- yes.
- Refuses to look at you during normal conversations. Avoids your eye contact even if you specifically look at them.
- Incessant chatter. Oh dear. I think this alone is just silly sometimes normal type behavior, but when it is all the time, and they don't even realize they are doing it. As in they seriously have no idea they have been talking, humming, singing, over everyone else for over an hour. This is a different story. When this happens daily.
- Screaming for 1/2 or more consistently sometimes daily. More than just a meltdown. A HUGE over the top screaming, kicking, trying to hurt themselves at times- sometimes not.
- Difficulty forming a real relationship. Harder to form one because of the "fake" attitudes in daily life, difficult behaviors that can be very frustrating, pushing you away emotionally, and lack of eye contact.
Now out of the above may not all be RAD behavior, but with us it has come with the territory. So now the BIG QUESTION? What do we do about it? :)
We first of all never even knew anything about RAD until after we were well down the adoption road- 6 children into it :). Helpful huh? BUT like I said before I am NOT into labels. I believe the heart of RAD is not the behaviors or the person. I believe in my heart that it is something that requires healing physically, emotionally, and SPIRITUALLY!
Yep, I am not an expert, but my mommy heart and my belief in God tells me that this is just something like a lot of things- IT TAKES TIME, PATIENCE, & HEALING!!!! Now before this post gets extremely longgggg (I will continue) I want to leave you with some thoughts- Why are we obsessed with RAD in the adoption world? Why do we often try to get rid of the symptoms? Why are we afraid of RAD? Does your child really have RAD or just some insecurities how do you tell? (****these are not judgment questions just something to get your mind buzzing :)!!!) More.....later........ :)
***Just a side note- not interested in arguing over this issue, just trying to share our personal experiences praying this will help others. :)
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