I want to share with you a little about what we learned at a local PURE IN HEART CONFERENCE.
2 Corinthians 11:3 But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
Do you ever fear that you have been led astray.....worse yet that your children have been led astray? YES!!! A million times.....YES!!!! Aha. It is as I have feared. Me TOO!
John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
How in the world are we supposed to combat that? How do we stand a chance? Aren't their peers just going to do what they want anyway? They don't even listen to me anyway.... LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES!!! Refer back to John 10:10! Our church has a saying- whoever wants the next generation the most- WILL HAVE THEM! Repeat this about a million times.....then read on.
**Eating with some friends on the lawn of the church :)
Sometimes we just correct an action, but really as parents we have to get to the root of the problem. If a child says something mean or hateful- why did they say it. We should not be shocked that someone said something, but more shocked that we aren't really taking care of the real problem. Me included!
One of the greatest things you can do for your children is to give them a sense of WHO THEY ARE IN CHRIST! If they are secure in that. If they know without a doubt because we tell them a gazillion times a day that they are sons and daughters of the Most High then they will have no reason to doubt that. Give them a vision of their beauty- not how they look people- Who they are in Christ. They are worth more than diamonds! They are worth your time, efforts, your life! That is who they are to Christ- worth more than anything because God gave His Only Son for them!
Give the the beauty of God's design for marriage. Just so you know that has to start at home. Ouch- sometimes it is hard work, but remember you are not just fighting for your marriage, you are fighting for your children- and their marriages! It's true. They need an example. If you are single- then the best thing to do is have a healthy view of marriage and the way God claimed it. It may not be easy so ask others to pray for you!
Now I have to admit when I think of purity my mind races to physical relationships, but that is not all God has in mind. He wants our WHOLE HEARTS! That means our time, our money, our mouths and what comes out of them, all the avenues we choose to fill our minds- ALL OF IT! This is a vision for a lifelong love story with our Savior not just a "save yourself for your husband/wife" talk. There is a huge difference!
Get yourself ARMED! Because people the media and the world have a jump start on how to get our kids attention.
1) Cultivate a safe place of communication. Do your children know they can come talk to you about anything? Oh here was a moment for me. They said when your child comes up to you with something you may be uneasy about - do you instantly respond- where did you hear that? Because....ummmm....that closes down the conversation. yikes- convicted!
2) Listen to them. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. We have to use our ears twice as much as our mouth. Many times your kids and mine know the right answers, but they need to "talk it out". We need to let them. Give them a chance to say why they think a certain way- don't just tell them how to think. That doesn't work. They need your reassurance not guilt trip. UNINTERRUPTED!
3) Cultivate and plant seeds EARLY. As in as soon as they are born. Show them their consistent, priceless worth every opportunity you can. I remember when Abigail was small we were joking with her first foster family- do you think it is wrong that we tell her how beautiful she is all the time? Her reply- no because someday someone will tell her the opposite. When she hears that she will know they are wrong. That has stuck with me all these years! Sometimes we are worried that we don't want our children to be vane so we don't insist on telling them they are beautiful. Let me tell you there is a huge difference between the two.
4) Cultivate courageous convictions to battle the world with. If you believe in creation and not evolution chances are you have taught your children the whys of creation. Chances are you know them and maybe have even spent a lot of time studying them yourself. Same with other convictions- pass them on to your children. They need answers of why you believe in this or that so strongly. It is not good enough to hope they "catch" it.
5) Model Failing Forward. Now sometimes I am pretty confident that I may model this one too much. ;) Oh man there are days I promise my failures are pretty big and I have to come to my children and ask their forgiveness. I always used to think this made me look weak and just too silly. Now I know how valuable it is for me and for my babes. When your children don't see you fail they wonder why they are struggling so much. They feel they can't come to you because you are too perfect and would never make the same mistakes as they do. I am not saying shout every sin in your life from the mountain tops, but showing your children how to fail and get back up can mean more to them than you can imagine.
Isaiah 38:17Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction;you have put all my sins behind your back.
Romans 2:4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?
Why do we have this problem? Because children do not know what they are worth! Yes there are some taken captive against their will. There are children across our world including our backyard that are sold. But most children are simply taken....easily. Did you know the easiest way to take a child is to tell them they are beautiful and you "like them"? Seriously I wish I was making this up! Some children have a boyfriend/girlfriend complex- needing that to belong. Some are just so down on themselves they can't see anything good about their lives. They are promised love, understanding, and fun. What they get is the opposite.
How do we get our children's focus? How do we turn them towards us, towards family, and most importantly towards God? It is a constant battle. Do not be afraid to go against society! If your child thinks that if they mess up and sin that they can no longer be in your love or in God's love they will turn away.
Other tips- HOT! Honest, Open, and Transparent!!!!!!! BE HOT for God and your family!!!!!
Date your kiddos. Yep, spend time- go on a walk, go to the park, get alone with them over ice cream, share your heart for them, for your family, for God. LISTEN! Oh and this is big.....are you ready?
DO NOT HURRY!!!!!!!!!
What we say becomes our children's inner voice. If we are nagging, belittling, always in a hurry, mean, grumpy- yep that is what plays in their heads over and over!
Find others too that can help you bring your children to Christ- family members or friends that you know are following hard after God who are willing to invest in your child/ren.
I know I am not good enough. I fail. I am harsh at times. I am not patient enough. I get in a big hurry for no reason. I say things that are not nice. I yell.
BUT..........
What a wonderful conference for the two of you to go to! I have heard of them for teens 12-19 yrs old but not for the younger age. I would love to take my girls to something like this!!
ReplyDeleteLove your heart and your wisdom!