This little man can make upsetness (I know that isn't a real word, but I like it anyway)......look cute
REALLY this is how I feel. I feel like it stinks that we thought we knew who our 8th child was going to be and now we don't know! IT STINKS to feel like everyday you are waiting on people to decide whether or not you can even have an 8th child......which I might add is really silly because if I could get pregnant right now- no one would question that.It stinks living with 2 losses within the last 2 years! It stinks that I am making it through the days, but really MISS that part of me that is not home with us right now!!!!!
So I am being honest in that - IT STINKS!!!! It especially stinks that most people have no clue how it feels for us, and have no idea that we are still hurting. So we put on a face and call it good because there is no point in arguing about it.
Really all I want to do is just run away from it all (with my beautiful family of course). Really all I want to do- is pretend this whole thing is not happening. Really all I want is to bring home our child!
I am insanely jealous of those on the "waiting list", of those saying they have received their FDL's, and those who are going to pick up their children. I am not angry- I am truly HAPPY FOR THEM!!! But I am jealous because that should have already been us! It's not & it isn't fair. I know- don't say it- life isn't fair. I KNOW THIS FULL WELL!!!!
So there you have it...my pity party for myself.
In the mean time there are praises........maybe my next blog will list some. Sorry for the poor attitude, but honesty is the best policy :)
it's totally okay to have a pity party... i HATE this for you :( i know seeing others (us) get their FDLs must stink... tremendously. i wish there was something i could say or i wish there was something i could do to fix it. know that we, and many others, are still praying for you!
ReplyDeleteAt least you have the guts to post it and get it out. I am so dealing with jealousy, in that my husband is not on board. Praying so hard for God to either take away my desire or plant it deep in his heart.
ReplyDeletePraying with you.....
I think it's healthy to pour it all out and of course it's totally normal to feel jealous of others. I'm with Jenny...I wish there was something we could do or say to help you.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
Hello! My name is Angie and i wanted to tell you that your blog and family has inspired me!! Please read my blog as it explains more!
ReplyDeleteI'm soooo sorry - it does just stink. What few really understand is that it doesn't matter if you are waiting for your 1st, 4th or 8th kiddo - the pain/anxiety/worry is the same. And truthfully your situation is even harder - waiting for the US*CIS to decide you can be a family to another precious child - well that is especially hard. As a momma to a large brood - waiting for our 8th to come home - please Jesus soon - know that I am lifting you in prayer for perfect peace as you wait.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be upset and voice your frustration to us on your blog. You are such a caring friend to all of us and we want to be there for you in any way that we can. I hate that you are going through this. I still can't imagine just how hard it had to be on you. I pray that everything gets worked out with USCIS. I completely understand that us moving through the process can be bittersweet for you and I want to be sensitive to that. You are still so sweet though :) Just out of curiousity - would you be able to adopt domestically if USCIS still rejects your petition for an International adoption?
ReplyDeleteoh, my heart aches for you. I am so sorry. I know life is not fair, and yet we all have the need to feel it will be sometimes just to remain hopeful. I hope and pray things change for you. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteOh thank God you are human...I was starting to wonder how in the heck you were doing so well. I am still praying for you guys at night...asking God to send you Peace and to send the Gov't wisdom and open-mindedness regarding your adoption. Have you tried doing any kind of meditation/prayer about living in the present and being mindful of only what is present in our lives right now? That helps me when the past or future or too much to handle. And you have had TOO much sadness the past 2 years. Hugs to you my cyber friend!
ReplyDeleteTheresa
It does stink. I wish I could go shake some sense into the people at USCIS that made that decision....but I can't....so we'll just keep praying and praying for you, Jason, and all 8 of your children. And also for USCIS to make decision in your favor SOON.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Sarah
i wouldn't characterize it as a "poor attitude". just heartache. i'm sorry for all you've gone through. not fair indeed.
ReplyDeleteWell, I could probably think of a much stronger word than stinks... but I just want you to know my heart is aching for you. I HATE THIS for you. I hate that your precious family is hurting. It is so not right. I wish I could something to take your hurt away. Praying for you- Amy
ReplyDeleteThanks for the honesty! Yes ... it STINKS!
ReplyDeleteWe lost baby #7 in a pregnancy. No one understood our grief. Everyone thought ... "they have all those other kids". I do understand. You have lost 2 children ... whether in pregnancy or in your heart ... you have lost them, and you grieve. So sorry that others don't understand.
Oh ... just thought I'd point out ... you said that "no one would question if you could get pregnant". Well ... yea ... they would probably question that as well. You cannot imagine all of the horrible things that even friends have said to us ... judging us when we got pregnant again ... not trusting that we could financially support such a large family. So ... yea ... you would probably get questioned, but no one could make that decision for you (as they are doing now).
LOVE YOU!!!
Laurel
mama of 13
It DOES stink. It IS unfair.
ReplyDeleteIt is also horrible and sad and frustrating and mind boggling and idiotic.
If it wasn't midnight and way past my bedtime, I could probably think of some more words to describe what you guys are going through.
Still keeping the situation, and your hearts, in my prayers.
I heard a pastor talking about his wife on 'Focus On the Family' when they dealt with infertility. They tried for many years to get pregnant then had 3 miscarriages. He praised his wife because during her years of heartache she was busy throwing baby showers for all her friends. She knew more than ayone what a blessing those babies were and she celebrated them. Your blog posting immediately made me think of that sermon. You are dealing with a heart breaking issue but you continue to encorage us all with comments and prayers. You know more we do what a blessing these children are because of your heartache and you continue to celebrate them with us. You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for being honest! I am thinking of you and praying for you daily!
ReplyDeleteWe haven't forgotten the pain you are dealing with - but I think that it's a good thing to vent to someone. It's definitely NOT a healthy thing to leave the hurt and anger bottled up inside.
ReplyDeleteWe'll listen anytime you want to "talk" about it, and we'll keep praying!
((HUGS))
Yep. It stinks. People don't seem to understand families that want a lot of kids. And as long as there are kids that need homes....
ReplyDeleteLet it out lady. Let it all out. Shout, scream, pound. God can handle it. We're all here with you.
ReplyDeleteduring our grief and our horrible adoption mess I have dealt with the same exact feelings. I want to tell you that avoidingthe grief and "putting on the happy face" HELPS NO ONE! God gives us emotions. We need to allow ourselves to feel them. They are real. Just because we have them doesnt change our faith! This has been huge.I am still trying to figure out what to do with the jelousy at others complaining and whining about their process. It makes me angry. Or to read about other people moving forward in their process when we have been waiting for almost a year! THen I feel angry because I am jealous..... I am NOT that kind of person! Its so hard. Dont feel alone. You arent alone in this! I know of three other families that ended up where our family is. A WHOLE adoption agencies clients that have lost EVERYTHING because their agency was shut down. I just have to keep giving it back to God and keep all of it in perspective. {hugs}
ReplyDeleteI agree, it stinks! I am so sorry... I understand your jealousy! I think that's okay... to feel that way...
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart honestly. You inspire and encourage so many people. When you are honest about your pain, you encourage and inspire so many more people. You are real. I just read recently in a book the statement that being "real for Christ is so much more powerful than projecting a good image for Christ". So you continue to live your life and share your witness and know that God is using you. And we haven't forgotten your pain. I am still praying.
ReplyDeleteDawn, you have been one of the BIGGEST cheerleaders in our adoption process. You have been positive and encouraging time after time to SOOOOOOO many families. Let us encourage you. I am so sorry for how things have turned out. I pray for you so often and am pleading with God to make a way.
ReplyDeleteCris
Hello! I just had to share a funny with you as I know you can relate! I went to the store today and had to pick up some things including fruit! I got 3 big bundles of bananas and the lady at the check out just gives me these weird looks as she is ringing them up.......I just want to look at her and say I have a bunch of monkeys I am keeping in a top secert government project shhh dont tell anyone!! But it funny because that would have gotten less of a reaction then the telling her I have 7 children did!! Hope that put a smile on your face!! Have a great day!!!
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