I think part of the hardest thing about adoption is- there WILL BE the unexpected. Plain and simple. Something will not go according to your neat plans. A piece of paperwork will take longer, or the classes will take longer or be harder, or people will not react the way they should- either family, church, or other friends, or their health won't be what you expected, or the birth mom will change their mind, or the country you are adopting from changes all the rules, or - and this list could go on for HOURS believe me!!!!!
A year and a half ago.....we fell in love with and left into the arms of Jesus our Hannah Grace. People- yeah well not to our faces all the time, but said we were crazy. She had severe scoliosis & spina bifida. But folks she was beautiful!!!! She was perfect in God's eyes & ours. We loved her with all our hearts. When we said yes to her- we had to say no matter what- we love her!!!!
The same was true with our Naomi. When we were given her medical information- we said yes! Not based on the fact that she may be ok or may not be, but that we would promise to love her NO MATTER WHAT! Then our sweet baby was HEALED!!!!! WOW!!!! That was a Huge Blessing. Now we are still waiting on immigration......and it really feels like torture!!!!! Still we have to CHOOSE to say No Matter What!!!!
Even if something goes completely wrong will we still say- YES LORD! You know that is the real thing- REAL LOVE! This is what was in our reading today from Job 1-4. This part of scripture blows my mind. I mean here is Job going about his day....and a servant comes in and says- hey your children who run your company- they were at work and a crazy gunman came in and shot them all. Then some of your other trusted friends and workers were on a plane for a big business meeting- and it went down in a ball of fire. Then all of your investments that have been doing so well- yep you guessed it the bottom fell out of the market and you have NOTHING! By the way EVERYTHING in your life has been ruined!!! In fact you now look down and see that you have huge open sores from some really rare disease- and you are in soo much agony you can barely breathe. Now will you choose to curse God or not?
You think..........are you serious. No one could do that. Can they? Would they? Can I? Would I? Job's response was one of positiveness & pain. Positive that God was still the giver of all, and pain that he was ever born. A HUGE MIX, but still He would NOT CURSE GOD! That my friends was a choice. A choice to say No Matter What!
Will we be able to endure the loss of yet another daughter? My heart does not want to- who would? My heart says I know My God brought her to our family! My heart says NO GOD PLEASE!!!! BUT- in the end we have to remember God's sovereignty and our obedience to a LOVE that is so huge we can not even fathom it!
You see we love our Naomi with every ounce of our being. For those of you have children you understand. You don't tell God well we are pregnant or we are adopting, but we will only love our child that you have given us if they are born with nothing "wrong" with them. Or we love them, but you know when they start to drive me nuts because they are 2 or 3 or 5 or 15 and they are really good at it....that's it! Or we will only love our child if.......
That would be crazy. No one would say that who knows and understands the love of Christ! Because Christ said that - No matter what- when you are defiant, turn from me, hate me, tell others lies about me, break every rule I have given you, cheat me, scorn me, forget to come to me, don't read about my love for you, don't set aside any time to be with me....That is the exact moment in time that Christ Died For You!
Dear God- let our hearts be open. Let us realize the true love you have for us. May we stand firm and say no matter what. No matter how hard, how unbearable this world seems, how much we are in pain. May we say- Lord it is yours and we love you! Naomi you are loved with a Love that only God could give us for you. No matter what we will Love YOU!!!!!
PS As you have guessed no word yet. 3 weeks since we have given immigration everything they have asked for and still......nothing yet. But tomorrow is a new day, and we have a Hope Eternal!
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I love "listening" to your heart right now. I love the way that you love God. This is an absolutely beautiful post
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with us. I loved reading every word!
ReplyDeletePraying, praying, praying for your approval.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post...thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteawesome post...praying you hear something TOMORROW!!! kj
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about you a lot over the past couple of days, and I dedicated a lot of my prayer time to your family today. I promise you that I am praying for an answer (and a good one) daily.
ReplyDeletecan I just say that I love you?
ReplyDeleteEternal Hope! Love it.
ReplyDeletethanks for the beautiful post. We continue to pray.
ReplyDeleteokay, i can soooo relate to this post. when mateo came to us, almost immediately my expectations were dashed. and it's been that way constantly since he's been home. now i expect for things to surprise me. in both good ways and not so good ways. so i'm better able to deal with it (usually). i help teach the foster/adopt classes in my town and one thing i tell people every time is to be prepared to feel unprepared. learn to expect and accept the unexpected. some people go into adoption (and parenthood!) with such rigid ideas that no child can live up to. i've noticed that a lot in church communities. we decided when we adopted our son that there was nothing (and i mean nothing) that would make us give up on him. i've actually had people ask me if we considered disrupting the adoption. of course we haven't considered it! it never even crossed our minds! he is our son...NO MATTER WHAT! just like you said :) anyway, i'm glad to hear there are others out there with the same convictions. good luck with your naomi. it's hard to wait. i can't even imagine. we had to wait 1 month to hold our baby girl after she was born but that's nothing compared to you international adopters!
ReplyDeleteI so hear you! A good face to face, down on our knees together to worship the One we love, to ask Him to direct the steps still between you and Naomi, to seek His gentling hand to touch our "we know we're not in control and we're impatient and questioning yet submissive hearts" is what I'd love to do with you. Yet, the distance keeps me kneeling here and you there...but before the throne of God we are together! Keep fixing your eyes on Jesus, my friend and entrusting yourself to the only ONE who knows all the details and how He is working them out for your good and His glory. At this stretch of the game, my mantra becomes what it always should be and that is: His grace is sufficient for the day. Trusting Him with you, love Connie
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ReplyDeleteYour attitude of praise reminds me of the song. Blessed be Your name, in the land of the suffering. When there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name. Stay strong guys.
ReplyDeleteYour blog made me cry and it also made me want to adopt a child so sweet. May G od continue to bless you as you are rasing children for His kingdom. I pray to have a heart like you have you are a incredible mommy....
ReplyDeletein the midst of our third adoption from Ukraine, I hear exactly what you are saying. May God continue to abundantly bless your family! Stefanie in NY
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