Deeper Worship!

I am going to be honest and let it out a bit. I have been struggling- A LOT! Not because I have lost hope- quite the opposite. I have gained hope, but it also been shaken. It is a noticeable difference for someone like me who likes to have everything ready. I am a list person and I like to organize and have it all in order. Recently- NOT so much. I am a glass half full kind of person, but not as much lately. It's more than just tears....more than the bursts of frustration....more than that- depression. The first time I really experienced this was when we didn't get Andrew for 7 weeks when he was first born....we didn't know if he would ever come to us, and we were supposed to take him home from the hospital. The feeling was horrible, and frustrated my whole world.

I also remember a time when we learned after we had already started having visits with Abigail. We found out there was a possible biological dad. The other foster parents asked us if we still wanted to keep having visits with her or stop until we knew for sure. We said if we don't keep up the visits and he isn't the biological dad we will miss all those moments. She won't recognize us, and we will kick ourselves forever. If he is the dad and we have visits we will hurt, but let's be honest it won't be any worse. It will be just as hard. That is how I feel now. Do I keep loving deeply this baby girl with all my heart knowing there is this thing hanging out there? YES!

When we got the message and thought our immigration app had been rejected- I tore off all our walls the pics of Naomi that were up. I felt like I had been hit by a truck! Like my beating heart was ripped out and stomped on! Like my breath had been taken away and wouldn't return!

SO! Last night I took a lot more than my normal time to be with Jesus. I pulled out the pics of Naomi- stared at them, cried my eyes out. Then I put on some music in my IPOD- like "All Things Are Possible" I played it over and over and over. I thought of all of you who were- on my side- on God's side. I thought of the fact that MY GOD HEALED our Naomi! How much we did Praise Jesus dances over this wonderful miracle! I remember our fears of her being in the hospital with pneumonia- and her healing AGAIN! I remember the fact that when we first called and said we would be willing to accept her from the waiting list, and were told that there were others that may want her that were further in the process. I remember getting the call saying- YOU'RE IT! I remember that September 11th when we were officially MATCHED with our sweet girl! I remember the JOY that rushed through my veins....unsure of health at the time, but knowing God had directed us to her!

I started really knowing that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! I remember thinking of so many verses others had given us. I started reading through them all. I remembered deep in my soul that I have NOTHING to fear. I remembered the fact that I was born to LOVE with everything I have. Jesus did not hold back, and neither should I. For the first time in a LONG time I remembered that I was LOVED, Naomi was LOVED, and that our child has all the hope in the world.

I guess I felt like I was no longer going to be shaken by this world, or threatened because I know we are doing what God called us to do! We will continue! Some DEAR families have been checking on our little Naomi for us....and I can't say enough- THANK YOU!!!!!!! So we have word on her and a few pics- which are plastered once again ALL OVER OUR HOME!!!!!! This is on, and we are going to do what is God's Will, and not be deterred by ANYTHING!

So....we will continue in HIS WILL and do what needs to be done. Which right now is to get on, and be on our knees in HIS WORSHIP! There is nothing like this kind of battle that makes you realize- THIS IS VALUABLE- so VALUABLE that we have to fight for it. The great news is that GOD IS ON OUR SIDE!!!!!!! I encourage those who are discouraged for any reason to - let others know so they can pray for you, and get on your knees, face down, or standing with arms stretched to God- and just PRAISE!!!!!! There is nothing more valuable than remembering WHOSE YOU ARE!