From the outside looking in......

 **Today's pictures are brought to you by our vacation over a month ago....because well- I haven't used them all up yet, and there are a million blog posts swimming around in my head that I have to write yet, and by now you are thinking- grammar DAWN!  Sorry....

 Today's post is about something that I rarely share about.  Something most don't understand, and that is perfectly ok.  I just feel the need to write about it anyway.  It actually goes along with the pictures because these photos were taken while the Big D Family was visiting (well, part of the family ;).  One of the reasons Laurel and I connect is because we have both adopted, we homeschool, and we have large families. 

 This is how I feel.  From the outside looking in large families are intimidating.  I am not sure with maybe 2 exceptions that when people ask how many children we have and we say 9 that there hasn't been picking up of jaws off the floor or some comments about wow.  Some people seriously tremble or even blurt out OH MY GOODNESS!  Some look like they will faint.  Others count our heads as we walk past.  Others question- are they a daycare?  Oh no maybe they are a school group (he he he he we kind of are a school group ;), or maybe some after school program? 

Translation- are you crazy? 

I don't think that in an of itself is hard......although there are days I want to be perceived as normal.  I never said I was normal, just perceived as normal ;).  It is in the day to day routine and feeling......left out. 

 Isolation is the work of satan himself I tell you.  Single people feel it, youth feel it, those with one child feel it, those with no children feel it, those with 19 children feel it.  EVERYONE feels it so it's not like I am alone.  What I do know is that when you have 9 children and everyone's mind seems to be blown by that fact.......it's like a lot of times the conversation ends......or politely enough you never see that person again.

 You don't get invited a lot of places or over to people's homes because of sheer number.  People can't imagine having your family over to their "too small" home.  People can't imagine saying let's go out to eat together (although we don't eat out often anyway) because you would take up a whole section of a restaurant.  People can't imagine inviting you over to a birthday party because your "clan" would be too crazy.  People can't imagine doing anything except - maybe meeting at a park because at least there your children wouldn't overwhelm them. 

 The truth of it is.......from the outside looking in- our family is "big".  Our family may not look like yours.  We may overwhelm everyone.  We may be loud.  We may be different.  I can't guarantee that we won't have people staring at us because it happens all the time.  (We just get used to it and ignore it.  Our philosophy is that everyone is staring because our children are so stinking gorgeous!)  Let's face it though there are many who just don't like being in the spotlight.  I promise we did not have a big family so we could be in a spotlight and no I don't want to be on a tv show ;).  Trust me you don't want it either- that is a specific calling I can assure you!   

 I am not just talking about the outside world though!!!!  I am talking about your own family as well.  I mean what do they do when you come for Thanksgiving?  What do they do when you have get togethers?  How do they handle that much chaos?  What about the noise and uncle Fred's aversion to kids noise levels (just so you know we don't have an uncle Fred).  How do they include you, but have fun?  How in the world are they ever going to invite you over- and house your family?  Truth: they can't.....at least not always or sometimes ever.   

 It is hard to feel that you are a constant burden to others.  In order for them to accommodate your family they have to have 2 extra tables, or have a whole extra turkey, or eat somewhere other than their home, or put up with all the stares out in public, or deal with all the noise that children tend to make, and all of this compounds in your heart because you feel a sense of - unworthiness.  There I said it!  It is out there!  It is the truth of how I feel sometimes.....forget it MOST times! 

It is not that I am ungrateful.  I am more than BLESSED!!!!  WE do have friends and family that are not scared of us, but there are those that are.  In fact I know that in writing this post there will be those of you crying because you understand first hand....and may not have anyone who doesn't treat you like a burden, or maybe are conveniently left out of your family all together.  To those families- know this- I AM SORRY!  I sooo wish we all lived together, but then we would exclude others so that would defeat the point. 

I try not to take offense honest I do, but it is hard when you feel like you are judged by the size of your family.  I know people don't do it to be rude or anything.  Honest I know that it can be very different.  After all I don't even know the percentages of those who have more than 8 children, all adopted, homeschooling, crazy people.  (Honestly that is why I blog because I don't feel as alone- all you wonderful bloggers out there - you know who you are!!  I am definitely not talking about just large families either!!!  You make me feel normal and accepted when we don't feel that in our own world.)

From the outside looking in........ 
I want  to fit in with those of you who have no children, or one child, or 4 children, or whatever.  I love you!  I want to be a part of your world.  I am NOT SUPER MOM!  I am happy just to talk about toddler behaviors, stresses of being a mom, how to stay connected to our husbands, how to enjoy our children, crazy events of our day.  I am interested in YOU!  I promise I am not all that different.  I just want what you want.  Acceptance and for people not to be overwhelmed at the thought of my family.  I don't want to put you out or feel like a burden, and I am not a rock star, just someone who needs other people. 

Love,
Big family moms all over the world.........