Over the years....we have had lots of questions....one of them is Why do all of your children have darker skin?
The answer? When we originally filled out the application for foster care.....we didn't specify anything about skin color. Plain and simple. When Abigail's case came to light- by a friend of a friend.....she happen to have darker skin. Then her brothers came into care and they of course had darker skin too.
When we moved to Louisiana....same thing....filled out the application, took the classes, and well we were told there were two children that needed a temporary home - don't even remember asking what color of skin they had- didn't care.
Now of course when we did our Ethiopian adoption we knew our child would have dark skin....which was fine by us.
And then Joanna came along.....and well.....does it matter?
I guess for us we just really didn't care. It was a non issue for us. It to me is like Jason's accent (he is from England)....I don't really think about it. I remember once someone asked me about it and I had to think about it. Oh yeah, you mean because they have darker skin.... I just totally forget.
Am I conscience of it. Only when I think it affects them. If I hear harsh words or someone says something ridiculous. I realize it only because I want to make sure my children know that I would never want them to feel left out, hurt, or isolated. Can I change everyone else's mind? No, but we do make sure our children know that if something is said that - we pray for those people. That skin is just skin and you are made in the image of God.
We ask for complete honesty from our children. We talk about it with them on a regular basis. Not to make it the "end all be all", but to keep the dialogue open. We want them to find confidence in GOD not in others. We pray they know our hearts and our love. It is kind of like adoption in our minds. You have to have openess to truth. Openess to hear what it feels like to them, to learn from them, and to reassure them and listen as much and as often as possible.
Hmm... I've never heard that song... lol!
ReplyDeleteI think it's GREAT that you don't see color, all of your beautiful children will grow up the same way.. and if there were MORE people in this world who didn't SEE color, it would be a better place!
Great post! You put it quite well! Oh yes, and I love this version of "Blessed be the name". :-) It's one of my favorite songs. I'm thinking of using the verse from Job about the Lord giving on the baby's adoption announcement...if/when we ever get to that point...
ReplyDeleteLove your post!... I do pray about this point alot! I hate the thought of someone hurting my Jake in that way-
ReplyDeleteWe often break out in the classy song... 'Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts...' Oh yes, nothing like the classics :)
I'm so glad to read from others that they don't see "color" and forget that their kids have a darker "tan". My kids are a rainbow of browns, but unless someone asks I don't think twice about it......other than to feel slightly jealous of their cute brown legs! :)
ReplyDeleteLuke sky chicken and pizza the hut!!!
ReplyDeleteSadly, the first thing that came into my mind...lol. I love your beautiful family. God makes suits of many colors and they are all temporary. We handle it much like you do, not making it non-existent, but not making it primary either. I love the beautiful colors of God's family...too cool. Love this post!
You've got yourself a beautiful bunch! What a bless you are to these kids and I'm sure they are to you as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are such great parents!!Great post and gorgeous kids!!
ReplyDeleteMuch love!
Lisa
Thank you for sharing this. That is how we feel, too!
ReplyDeleteI love this post! You have such a beautiful family. How blessed you all are!
ReplyDeleteYou know what is funny? I have asked myself how did I end up with light skinned children. LOL. Only b/c we never specified ethnic origin either. I figured surely we would end up with a variety of skin colors. And while our hues are different and our ethnic backgrounds are too, we all look caucasian. It is funny to note that our blond haired blue eyed boy might as well be from another country b/c I've had people ask where he came from. I actually get irritated with people who have said to me "Isn't it great they all look like they came from you?" Like as if they had different skin color it would not be great?? What?
ReplyDeleteI think your family is gorgeous!
Dawn, that's awesome that you keep the communication open. I like your analogy with Jason's accent. It's true we get accustomed to what we live with.
ReplyDeleteI also like what you said about not "not making it the end all and be all" because, to me, there's a distinction between not making it the end all vs not seeing color.
Seeing color is important for a child of color because it is part of who they are. We don't tell a red-head, or someone with blue eyes, or someone with shiny cobalt black hair, "I don't see color." Children hear us comment on color all the time, house color, dress color, hair color, nail polish color. So to then hear us say we don't see color in reference to their skin can be confusing and send the message that something is wrong with their skin. It can lead to the question, "If you can't see my skin color, how can you like or enjoy it?" It's easy then for a child to feel like the subject of their skin color is taboo.
I prefer someone to see my color and love me, treasure me, value me, than have someone feel like they have to be color-blind to appreciate me. If they don't see color, they don't see me. Yet, even with appreciating and valuing skin color, the balance and true heart of the matter, like you said, is that while it does matter, it is not the end all and be all. Our confidence should come from God.
Wonderful post! We are in the middle of an adoption from Africa and I have been doing lots of research...just to "make sure I do everything right..." regarding skin color. I think that you are right, there has to be a happy middle somewhere between race being EVERYTHING and it being not important. They will grow up somewhat differently than other families but that can also be a wonderful sense of security..."We are a family because we are soooo wanted and loved!"
ReplyDeleteI'll be checking back with you and let you know when we get our little girl!!
Blessings,
Beth
I LOVE this post because you let God decide what your family should be.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and Love, J
Haven't had a lot of time to read blogs in the past few weeks but got your comment on our last post and had to stop by and catch up on your family's happenings. And WOWZA!!! You are moving to our 'hood!!! So excited!!! HOPING to see you all soon! Can't wait to meet you in person and to introduce you to some of our adoptive family friends in the area! You've gotten a taste from your visits, I'm sure, and just due to its size you're family is sure to draw attention, but we really love the racial diversity in the area and have found the community to be very supportive of transracial adoption.
ReplyDeletethx for this!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post! I was referred here by Kat of Momentum! Can't wait to read more of your wonderful story! What a blessing you are and you have! :)
ReplyDelete