Saturday, September 11, 2010

Discipline in the Wright Home

Isn't this sooo cute!  Ok this has nothing to do with discipline,  but for those of you that only come to the blog for the cutie pie pics.....I will scatter some in.  This is our cheap & on sale new toy for Joanna of course or was it for me?  Either way I love it because I get to enjoy swimming around with her now...not just walking around in the shallow end.  She is getting so active....and can you believe she is almost 6 months now? 
OK so I have had some questions about homeschooling that I will get back to....but one thing commonly asked about our family is discipline.  This is where I would love to say everything is magical and goes so well- he he he but God doesn't want us to lie :).  So I will say what we do....sometimes it works better than others. 

1- We do time outs- yep we sure do.  Sometimes too many!!  Actually this last week hasn't been to bad.  We have a centrally located fireplace in our home.  (yes we have a fireplace in our home in south west Louisiana- not sure why?)  The kids are expected to sit on the fireplace until we tell them to get up.  If they cry about it the time out starts when they have finished crying.  If the crying is irritating- they go to their beds until they are finished....then they start their time out.  We usually go with a minute per year of age of the child.  If they resist- oh yeah- it will get longer.  

Does it work- well the main part is that we talk with our children about why they were there.  If they are older than a few years they tell us why they are there.  We talk about why they shouldn't have done so and so.  We always include - God's rules/scriptures.  They have to ask forgiveness of the person they did this to, as well as us, as well as God.  In turn we forgive, they receive forgiveness. 

We also really stress the importance that God ALWAYS forgives!  This is huge.  We want our children to know that just because God isn't going to say directly - although that would be cool too- that they are forgiven like family members do, but HE does forgive- every time. 

2- We also have what we saw on another blog- His Hands His Feet  (love this fun big filled with Jesus family)....known as 2 basic living plans.  One is The Basic Plan- you get plenty of love, and basic meals.  Or if you are behaving well you get the Deluxe Plan- includes plenty of love, meals, snacks, deserts, maybe movie time, other fun family treat time like swimming etc. 

This is a great description.  If they have been in time out- then they know their behavior is not going well.  So if they choose to keep on that path- they get demoted to the basic plan.  Now in our home that could be for one meal or the full day or the day to come.  Depending on the offense, or sometimes the continuous numbers of offenses!  he he he- yeah you know those kinds of days don't you- yep- me too :)

3- We don't give warnings- unless my brain falls out of my head- which is a silly thing that has crept up lately.  Unless it is a new child or a very new situation that could be misunderstood......we expect our children to know what we desire for their behavior.  If we spend our life giving warnings our children will know - well as long as I only do it once I will get away with it.  If you have manipulative children with RAD sprinkled in- yeah- they catch onto that :)  This also stops you feeling like you are interrupted a million times with a million warnings.  

I have had people ask - how do you get your children to do chores, obey, listen.  Simple- I don't give them a choice.  I don't say now honey if you want to.....NOPE.....I say ok we are going to do chores now.  If you need help let me know.  Thanks :)  There are no options.  Yep- I am that kind of person. 

4- We ENCOURAGE!!!!!!  ANYTIME WE CAN!!!!!!!  I don't know if you have ever seen a child change their whole demeanor when you really praise them every time you can- but it is worth more than gold!  I promise!!!!!  Sometimes when you are busy.....and your brain may fall out of your crazy have a tendency to forget- DON'T!  Even if it seems so small that you think- this is silly - say it anyway.  It will pay dividends you can't even imagine :)
5-  Lastly- I couldn't do it without this handsome man above- yep - all mine!!!!  He and I are a TEAM!  Let me tell you that is really important.  And most importantly our team prays with and for each other.  We pray with, for, and over our children- daily!!!!!  This is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF DISCIPLINE!!!!  If you don't have this part- get this part.  START with this part.  The rest is just technique, this is LIFE DEPENDENT!  In the beginning with some pretty easy children - yeah not so hard we our family grew....and we experienced what many adoptive families do with RAD, attachment, etc.  yeah- you need that support!!!  
OK- I realize you have already read a few pages worth, but one last thing- CLOSER & QUIETER!  Trust me it works sooo much better.  If you get closer to your children give them your eye contact and speak quietly to them- did you know they listen sooo much better.  For real- try it!  If you have children that you are working on RAD issues with - try not only getting closer, but holding their hand, arm, or putting your arm around them.  It relieves your tension toward them, lets them know you mean it - as well as encourages the kind of contact you want.  

Sorry that was so long.  Just encourage you that if you have any tips yourself or questions- always feel free.  :)  I LOVE TIPS & QUESTIONS- hint hint hint :)


  1. Great post!
    My older 2 kids are great at following instructions and doing what is expected of them, but I tend to find myself babying Nater when it comes to discipline, because he is "the baby". I am working hard to correct myself on this though :)

  2. We, too, implemented the "Basic Plan" and "Deluxe Plan". One sweet child angrily told me a few days later, "I know you made this new plan just for me." No ... but there is definitely one child who it has been imposed on more than the others. She is the one making poor choices. I like this discipline plan because we use the terminology that, "You chose the Basic Plan today." It is fully based on the choices that the child is making; it is not based on mommy's mood of the day.

    Sure LOVED spending a few days with your WONDERFUL family last month! Thanks for your awesome hospitality!


    Laurel :)

  3. I love the basic plan vs. the deluxe plan! :o) Also, interesting about the warnings. You are so right. The more warnings we give, the more our kids DO manipulate us. I have started to remind them each day, "You know what we expect from you. There will be no warnings before consequences." This has started to help, but it was nice to get affirmation. :o) Loved the pics. Keep 'em coming.

  4. I'm totally stealing the basic & deluxe plan idea! Love it. :o) We have one child who feels like he's always getting punished (because he's the biggest misbehaver!) . . . and I like the comment from Laurel about "choosing the basic plan." Thanks for the genius idea!

  5. I love that basic & deluxe plan - I've never heard it put so well, but it does make sense & it is kinda what we do to, but it's nice to see it put into words.
    This was a fantastic post - I always love ideas & I've found with ours exactly what you've said - don't give them any other option except obedience.
    Have a lovely day

  6. Never used the deluxe/basic plan in words, but that has been our plan for a while!

    And praising--never can quite get enough of that--especially for kids from the hard places!

    Delighting in Him

  7. I love the deluxe/basic plan! We do that but don't really have a name for it! I also liked the last part. Since our kids are 3 and 2 and have a lot of energy and sometimes have a hard time listening when I talk we always say "eyes and hands, please." This is where I get down on there level hold both their hands and look them in the eyes when I give them a direction or a discipline. It really helps for them to not be distracted while I am talking to them.

  8. I really enjoyed the post... and the pictures! Time flies doesnt it! Thank you esp for the parts about touching our little darlins while talking to release the tension. Ive been getting lots of touching time in with Little G and have found my stress level has gone down tremendously.

  9. Good idea about the two plans. We sort of do similar because there is an evening movie and popcorn each evening to keep the schedule the same for the twins but if you've had a bad day you have to go to bed instead so you can be rested enough to make better choices the next day.

  10. Thanks for the reminder of important!! We have to be a "united front" for our children and prayer is the best plan of action. I can always tell when my husband and I forget to pray together...not good. Thanks for this reminder:)

  11. Wonderful ideas. Especially the prayer.

    The basic and deluxe plans remind me of Dr. Ronald Frederici (Help for the Hopeless Child), but in his book, the parent may have to go being completely one-on-one for a period of time in order to reach a child.

    I came across this, instead of "time out," there is "time in/comfort corner."