OK so I have had some questions about homeschooling that I will get back to....but one thing commonly asked about our family is discipline. This is where I would love to say everything is magical and goes so well- he he he but God doesn't want us to lie :). So I will say what we do....sometimes it works better than others.
1- We do time outs- yep we sure do. Sometimes too many!! Actually this last week hasn't been to bad. We have a centrally located fireplace in our home. (yes we have a fireplace in our home in south west Louisiana- not sure why?) The kids are expected to sit on the fireplace until we tell them to get up. If they cry about it the time out starts when they have finished crying. If the crying is irritating- they go to their beds until they are finished....then they start their time out. We usually go with a minute per year of age of the child. If they resist- oh yeah- it will get longer.
Does it work- well the main part is that we talk with our children about why they were there. If they are older than a few years they tell us why they are there. We talk about why they shouldn't have done so and so. We always include - God's rules/scriptures. They have to ask forgiveness of the person they did this to, as well as us, as well as God. In turn we forgive, they receive forgiveness.
We also really stress the importance that God ALWAYS forgives! This is huge. We want our children to know that just because God isn't going to say directly - although that would be cool too- that they are forgiven like family members do, but HE does forgive- every time.
2- We also have what we saw on another blog- His Hands His Feet (love this fun big filled with Jesus family)....known as 2 basic living plans. One is The Basic Plan- you get plenty of love, and basic meals. Or if you are behaving well you get the Deluxe Plan- includes plenty of love, meals, snacks, deserts, maybe movie time, other fun family treat time like swimming etc.
This is a great description. If they have been in time out- then they know their behavior is not going well. So if they choose to keep on that path- they get demoted to the basic plan. Now in our home that could be for one meal or the full day or the day to come. Depending on the offense, or sometimes the continuous numbers of offenses! he he he- yeah you know those kinds of days don't you- yep- me too :)
3- We don't give warnings- unless my brain falls out of my head- which is a silly thing that has crept up lately. Unless it is a new child or a very new situation that could be misunderstood......we expect our children to know what we desire for their behavior. If we spend our life giving warnings our children will know - well as long as I only do it once I will get away with it. If you have manipulative children with RAD sprinkled in- yeah- they catch onto that :) This also stops you feeling like you are interrupted a million times with a million warnings.
I have had people ask - how do you get your children to do chores, obey, listen. Simple- I don't give them a choice. I don't say now honey if you want to.....NOPE.....I say ok we are going to do chores now. If you need help let me know. Thanks :) There are no options. Yep- I am that kind of person.
4- We ENCOURAGE!!!!!! ANYTIME WE CAN!!!!!!! I don't know if you have ever seen a child change their whole demeanor when you really praise them every time you can- but it is worth more than gold! I promise!!!!! Sometimes when you are busy.....and your brain may fall out of your crazy head.....you have a tendency to forget- DON'T! Even if it seems so small that you think- this is silly - say it anyway. It will pay dividends you can't even imagine :)
5- Lastly- I couldn't do it without this handsome man above- yep - all mine!!!! He and I are a TEAM! Let me tell you that is really important. And most importantly our team prays with and for each other. We pray with, for, and over our children- daily!!!!! This is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF DISCIPLINE!!!! If you don't have this part- get this part. START with this part. The rest is just technique, this is LIFE DEPENDENT! In the beginning with some pretty easy children - yeah not so hard we thought......as our family grew....and we experienced what many adoptive families do with RAD, attachment, etc. yeah- you need that support!!!OK- I realize you have already read a few pages worth, but one last thing- CLOSER & QUIETER! Trust me it works sooo much better. If you get closer to your children give them your eye contact and speak quietly to them- did you know they listen sooo much better. For real- try it! If you have children that you are working on RAD issues with - try not only getting closer, but holding their hand, arm, or putting your arm around them. It relieves your tension toward them, lets them know you mean it - as well as encourages the kind of contact you want.
Sorry that was so long. Just encourage you that if you have any tips yourself or questions- always feel free. :) I LOVE TIPS & QUESTIONS- hint hint hint :)