Some fun with my littlest babes- reading on the couch. Notice the flower in my hair- on our walk earlier today Joshua picked it for me. That's my handsome man. His wife will be getting lots of flowers :)
Daddy drawing with the kids today- we had a day off :)
Jonathan - showing me his little man. 
Jonathan giving his teddy bear a piggy back ride. How cute!!!!So being honest about life is good - so here goes. I have been depressed. Pretty deeply in a state of not wanting to do the things I usually love to do. I know it has been happening and I know why. The loss of our Naomi has been really really hard on all of us.
You know I used to think depression was silly. Why would people really feel that much despair? Note the word- used to. The first time I felt depression was when we were supposed to be bringing home our son Andrew. The day he was born and we were notified we were sooo excited!!!! Of course. Then we were notified by a social worker that because the birth mom was having more psychological issues she would only be released to live with her grandma. Across the state.....and he would not be placed in our family....maybe not ever!
Timing doesn't help and this happened December 5th! Christmas with our little Abigail...and we were supposed to be having Andrew here too.....I remember thinking and feeling for the first time in my life- a real DEEP LOSS. It wasn't that I lost all hope, or didn't see any light in the tunnel or anything, but daily things seemed harder to do. I didn't really know what it was for a while.
When we got to pick him up 7 weeks later- instantaneously gone! Lifted! Well......now is the same kind of thing. My life is harder to "do". It isn't that I don't absolutely love my children, love spending time with them, but lately- it's harder. There is a tear in my heart that still hurts.
So what do you do when you feel depressed- you run to God. Dig deeper in the scripture, praise HIM, admit that you are in NEED of HIM, LOTS of prayer- and hang in there. That is what I am focusing on....trying to anyway. Focusing on God instead of my hurts help me see that I am called to do my job- to do my ministries - no matter what! To keep putting one foot in front of the other until it gets easier........and as God continues to heal our family- we keep showing HIS love to others.
I am sorry. I cannot imagine the emotions you must be going through. I will continue to pray for you.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
amy
That's you on the couch??? YOu look like 15. Tell me your secret!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it will take lots of time to heal from losing Naomi. She will always be the child of your heart. There are a couple of foster children we had that I always think of with sadness, not because we were planning on adopting them but because the circumstances they went back into were so bad that you have to wonder.
I'm praying for you, Dawn. You are always close to my mind. I understand depression. I pray that God lifts your feet up to higher ground soon while you continue to seek Him.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI had postpartum depression after each of my boys was born, but severely the first time. I put "Great is Thy Faithfulness" on iTunes and I played it on repeat for 12 hours a day while my husband was at work. I couldn't "undo" what was happening to me and the fact that I had been flattened, but I could bring in that constant reminder that God hadn't been flattened, He was the same and He would restore me (in time).
ReplyDeleteI agree, In His Time!! So easy to say, so hard to walk. Praying for you each step of the way!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your ministry. So sorry you are having to suffer. blessings
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your heart and struggles with us. you are grieving the loss of your naomi. it is only natural to deal with depression when you have a lost a child. may you sense god's presence with you as you walk through this hard time.
ReplyDeleteI just heard a song that might be comforting to you, "Your Hands" by JJ Heller.
ReplyDeleteI feel your heart ache. Though I haven't experienced the same kind of loss, I know the feeling of having a hard time "doing" life. From a human perspective, it's so frustrating, because you know how much you have to be thankful for, but it is so hard to give every emotion over to God and trust in His will and His timing. Praying for you tonight.
ReplyDeleteWe're keeping your family in prayer. I have been there...hugs...
ReplyDeleteI truly do understand. Standing with you believing that God is at work for good. Love,
ReplyDeleteHolly
Wow. Our posts sound super similar. At least it helps me know how to pray for you. Though our situations are different, I think we probably feel pretty much the same. Sort of. Maybe. Anyways.. Im praying for you and I feel for you a lot. Much love.... and I would give you a hug if you were here too. :o)
ReplyDeletePsalm 27:13-14
ReplyDelete"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord:
This has been one of the many Psalms that has helped me through our long winter...Praying for you today and praising God for all that He is doing and will be doing in your lives:)