My stray sheep

 This is a new project for fun.  Let's buy an ant set on clearance at the local Wally World for fun.  OK :)  So the package arrives.....and here we are putting it all together. 

 Yep, this is where it is on our shelf with food on it.  He he he he....my hubby said it creeps him out just a bit to see it there, but hey it is a space where certain little hands can't reach it.  So....it lives there.  They have now dug plenty of tunnels everywhere, but some of them didn't make it.  ???  Oh well.....

We went to the zoo this last month- because I am that behind because of  all of our vacation pictures took a month to post!  Oh well right? 

I think sometimes my life flies right past my nose and I seriously am missing something.  I have no idea how this happens, but it seems to.  I guess I am just a bit down right now because well there is something really bothering me.   It is called my stray sheep. 

 (couldn't resist, but to comment on this picture- don't you hate it when your shirt doesn't fit right?  :)  he he he)

Yep, and I am not talking about real sheep as in the kind that baaa....because we don't live on a farm.  Except maybe the crazy farm. 

 I am talking about my smiling faces on the sidebar.  I am deeply worried about them.  I am all the time.  Now I want to preface this with I think my kids are seriously AMAZING!  I do.  I also know though that AMAZING doesn't cancel sin.  It just doesn't. 

 No matter what we may tell ourselves it just doesn't work that way.  Hey Abba Father I am pretty amazing so cancel all the sin I am doing and continue to do so I don't have to change please.  Yea, not so much.  :(

 I have found that over the last few months I have a couple of sheep that are straying away.  Forgetting the God who formed them.  Forgetting the rules HE made for our benefit.  I am frustrated.  I want to yell and scream at them, but I know that won't help. 

 So instead this morning I cried in my bedroom for a while.....got over it.....and we then went about our day, but not without some severe praying time in there!  I mean serious God you have to help me steer my little lost sheep back to you.  I can't let them stray further, but how can I do this?  When people say that parenting is hard- this is what I think is by far the HARDEST part.  I mean how to you steer them back without getting ugly?  How do you love them back enough?  How do you make it clear that they are on the wrong path?  How do you get past the glares you get from them because they are being corrected?  How do you let them figure out- something isn't right in my heart? 

 OH man.......if I could just get it right- Right?  That's the problem. 

 I am not going to get it right.  UGH!  I hate that feeling.  I do not like to lose- EVER! 

 Ask my cute hubby- he will tell you.  I am really great at arguing.  Probably not a good thing- let's talk about that later. 

 So that leaves me where exactly?  I mean.....what then.  If I am not capable of fixing my kids......ugh!

 God - are you serious?  I have to let them be in your hands? 

 But God - hold up.  I can't don't want to do that.  I need want total control. 

 Come on God just let me............oh wait.  I can't and really that is all there is to it. 

 I have to let HIM be in charge.  I have to beg and plead for the Lord to help me bring my sheep back into His fold.  I have to show them, correct them, dole out some punishment, and pray.  PRAY HARD!!!  AS IN CONTINUOUSLY!!!!!!!!!  DAY AND NIGHT PRAYING!!!!!!!!!!

 Oh how hard this is!  When people say - wow you have 9 children that must be hard.  I really don't even think about it most of the time.  I don't think the number of children or the finances or that kind of logistical stuff is really that hard. 

 It is the total and utter dependence on the Lord!  It pushes me to my knees more than anything ever has or ever will!  That is what is hard!  That is the tough stuff!  That SEVERE dependence on the Lord.  As He guides my heart to where it needs to be in order to parent well (notice I didn't say perfectly because let's face it there is nothing perfect about me- trust me!  Ask my kids or better yet my hubby who puts up with a lot!). 

So today I am crying out to HIM.  Let's be honest here, 24/7 I am crying out to Him.  Lord bring back my sheep, my babies whom I love so much.  The children you have given us to guide and train up for you.  Lord I beg you to show me your wisdom.  I beg you to show me how to guide them back to you in a way that will be honoring to you. 

I DO NOT have all the answers.  I am NOT perfect.  I fail daily in this walk of parenting.  Lord, I just want one thing- to be yours.  To show them love, grace, and mercy mixed with serving, kindness, and truth.  Holding onto Scriptures and what you want for them in their lives.  I know I have to be consistent and loving, but also firm in what I do so they understand just how important you are to me.  How can I do that?  Please show me. 

Amen.