Worn Out but still working on JOY!

 Feeling worn out today.....there is a battle raging in my heart.  It is hard for me to share, which is odd I know, maybe sometime.  It is hard to describe for me and I am not sure how to even begin.  So with that....

Is Michael the cutest or what??  How can babes just do that?  He was completely worn out after therapy. 

 Awwwww............LOVE!  Today he signed "more" 3 times!!!!  He totally rocks my world!  GO BABY GO!!!

 So the next JOY step.  Which I obviously am still really working on is keep calm voices.  Actually, come to think of it today that has been easy.  PRAISE GOD!  BUT there are soo many times that it is not easy at all!  It has been a struggle for me.

You know like when you have talked to Kindergarten or PreSchool teachers and you realize they are talking like they do to their students.  It is habit (please don't be offended if you are one- it just means you are AWESOME at your job!!).  They use short sentences with small words because it is how their students will understand.  Makes sense right?

 What if you are around your child with attachment struggles (RAD - one that has come from a hurting place) and they are pressing every button you have because believe me they are PROS at this game.  Then you have one child that has ADHD and well everything is crazy for them- and I MEAN EVERYTHING!  Then you have a mellow fellow like our little guy here who is just happy in general and is chill.  Then you have his "twin" who- well let's just say she is 2 and great at it.  Testing boundaries.  Learning new words she likes- NO being at the top of the list.  She loves to scream because then maybe the person will do what I want them too or I will finally get my way.  Then you have a child that is such a leader that they have a hard time putting that aside and taking any correction.  Then you have just everyday normal stuff. 

 I DO NOT SAY ANY OF THAT to make it seem like oh poor Dawn.  NO WAY!!!  I LOVE MY BABES and after a year of being a FOR REAL ALL THE TIME STAY AT HOME MOM- I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is just my reality.  And one that sometimes drives me a bit batty.  Take in the fact that then I have to cook, umm yes, and in case you don't remember daddy is the real cook of our home- I just pretend because he is working away from the home when dinner rolls around.  Making sure everyone's needs are met.  I am spent!!!!  I then have a tendency to start raising my voice.  OK so let's be REAL here- I YELL!

I don't want to......I don't mean to do it.  It just starts coming out!

I have posted some about it in the past.  This has been one of my big things that God has really been working slowly and steadily with me on.  Closer and Quieter.  Calm voices bring better responses.  Not yelling makes sure everyone actually listens.  It is sooo very true.  But you know what really made me feel better?  Reading the new Duggar book- A Love That Multiplies.  In it there is a short section where Michelle herself said she found herself getting frustrated and upset.  With the Lord's help she has overcome.  (Don't get me wrong- I do not believe Michelle is perfect.)  What I do believe is that it is hopeful.  Kind of like when you read someone's blog and they aren't painting a fairy tale picture- they are being real  Even when it seems harsh. 

 Yep.  That HELPS ME!  I want to know there are others out there like me.  Well maybe not quite as nutty- or maybe nuttier???  I just want to know that I can change.  That by allowing God to overtake my voice, my crazy, that I can become better at controlling my loud voice. 

Guess what?  Even though it isn't perfect.  I am happy to report that I have really started to notice a change in myself over the last couple of months.  It is still not perfect and there are key times that stress me out more than others, but it getting better and better.  I feel myself praying instead of instantly reacting.  I feel myself not skipping morning worship times because it is how I remember to put Christ first throughout the day.  I realize how silly it is for me to get out of control.  I mean really....it never helps.  OYE!

So if this is an area you struggle with too- then
1) Pray about it!   During your quiet times and while you are correcting.
2) Realize you are NOT ALONE
3) Post notes to yourself - things like closer and quieter, or have a song to sing when you feel your blood pressure boiling.
4)  Take a huge deep breath.  Exhale slowly and seriously think about how you should be reacting for a minute or two before you respond.  It is actually kind of funny because watching your children staring at you waiting to see what you will do- it kinda makes you laugh.  Hey, laughing is better than crying or screaming right?

Hope this helps someone else today experience more JOY in HIM!!!  Because let's face it  - we need others to help us through this crazy life we live!!!