My Cuz & I

So my cuz and I have a lot in common.  We both have adopted.....and that is something very special.

Around the time we first got Abigail we headed south- as in 9/11 day.....we were set to fly there, but obviously drove there instead.  Well, my cousin and her husband were already very serious about adoption.  While we were there we decided to stay with them.  We are closer to the same age :).  And have been best friends since then :)!!!!!!!!!!

I remember while out to eat Heidi asked all about Abigail, how was it when we went out and people stared at us all the time.  Referring to the fact that Abigail doesn't have the same skin color.  Well- I gave the same answer I give to others....are they staring at us because she is soooo gorgeous- definite possibility because we had (and still do have) people stop us in the store just to say how beautiful she was or ask us if we ever considered child modeling, or are they staring because she is so well behaved????  That is the way we choose to think.  It helps us keep our mind off the fact that there could be some that don't like the way our family looks.  Of course now I would say- are they jealous of our 15 passenger van?  Or are they just staring because we have a beautiful larger family :)

After our conversations and being there with them.....they decided to open their hearts to children of any skin color.  Although they had thought of it....this totally confirmed them in this decision.  And along came Makenna- I may be biased, but a beautiful almost 8 year old that rivals my girls in beauty!!!!  We were more than excited for them.

Fast forward - the decided that it was really pass time to try for child #2......and after a long time relationship with a birth mom, and some serious conversations and bonding with her......it failed- while there at the hospital.  Could I imagine not parenting my own child- NO!  BUT losing a child through a failed adoption is NOT EASY!!!  This was around Thanksgiving of last year.....

Then fast forward to us finding out about losing our Naomi- through failed adoption.  Now ours was due to uscis silly nastiness thing that we had.  BUT all the same losing a child is losing a child!!!  Whether through miscarriage, infertility, or failed adoption.  Resulting in both of us having broken hearts!  If you remember we "ran away" to visit them when we first found out about losing Naomi....because we knew that she, her wonderful hubby Mark would understand our hurt.

They went on to be matched again with another situation..the child was to born just after we went to go get Joanna.  You can hear my heart breaking......as I write that it didn't happen...........it was soo very hard because we just wanted so much for them to have the joy we got to experience with Joanna.

Now fast forward to the JOY IN OUR HEARTS AS MOMMIES AND DADDIES AND SIBLINGS WHO HAVE LOST MUCH AND NOW GAINED MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today we looked back on our losses, but stand in awe of the beautiful children God has brought us, and healed our losses.  Do the losses go away- NO- a loss of a child through death doesn't mean it all goes away when you get pregnant again, or adopt again.  When we loss Hannah as she went to be with Jesus...it didn't go away when we got Jonathan's referral, but it does help to realize that God still hears our pleas.....and starts to heal our brokenness...The same for Naomi - the thoughts of how she is not in our home still hurts, but we also have pure joy in our Joanna.  The same for my sweet cousin.

Walking the dark roads of failed adoption (or any child loss) is so hard, but WE PRAISE GOD FOR HIS FAITHFULNESS & THAT HE MAKES THINGS NEW EVERY MORNING.  God has carried us through....those very dark times to a new place, with beautiful new places!

JOIN US IN THIS JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Love you Jessa!!!!