Monday, October 20, 2014

Letting Go of Perfect


 Today's pictures have nothing to do with the post, but are of our picnic with my mom and dad from our road trip vacation :).  This is what happens when you don't blog for a while...you have many pics yet to use.  I love this first one as if my mom and Michael are having a conversation- ADORABLE!

So what happens to us when we wake up and realize our family that we prayed for, yearned to have, and strive to keep all our ducks in a row in order to build....and then you turn around one day and realize it is so far from perfect? 
 I think for us this has happened on numerous occasions.  There are plenty of times that we have gone through the process of "letting go of perfect".  Hey, let's be real there are times we have to let go of thinking we are even "just ok" in our family.   
 Don't get me wrong there is plenty of love in our family.  There is also plenty of grief and trauma (from us as well as our children).  There are plenty of times we just want what we want PLEASE - NOW!!!  There are times we have to walk through the mud and gunk of our children's past and present.  There are times I just want 10 minutes of peace and can't find it even in a closet with chocolate- although I highly encourage all moms to have it!! 
 There are times we feel we are in life's groove and have it all down pat. 

HA HA HA HA!!!!  That can be squashed in less than a millasecond! 
 There are days when we can laugh a lot in the midst of turmoil.  There are days when we love fiercely and set our minds on consistently trying to do the right things. 
 There are days we beg God to show us how to love in the face of hate that comes from our children's mouths, and days we fall on our faces before the Lord because sometimes this life asks everything of us with no reprieve. 
 There are days of JOY!!!  Days when we just almost feel like we have it all. 
 Followed by days we don't have anything - or so it seems. 
 But letting go of perfect is a practice we have to pursue because when we hold ourselves to a standard we can not achieve it only leads to disappointment, doubt, and resentment.  We ourselves can fall deep into despair.  We blame ourselves thinking if only we knew it was going to be hard we just would have ??  BUT we can't do that. 

Instead we have to dig deep and say - God I am not sure why I keep thinking that this will get easier with time.  Why can't I just stop being selfish, why can't I just stop my anger from taking over, why can't I just be a better parent, why can't my children just obey without a fight, why can't they see how much I love them.  
 That's when it hits me that our relationship with God is just as imperfect.  There are days I chase after God, days I spend my days in praise, and days I can't bring myself to come before His Throne.  I want to run away.  I refuse to put Him in my life as Lord.  I want to throw a tantrum and tell Him NO! 

Oh my how much adoption and parenting reflects the Lord's relationship with us.  Except HE IS PERFECT.  That is a pretty big difference and the reason we have to let go of perfect.
 So I read and reread other bloggers articles on letting go of anger, of how to connect more with my children, of how to be a better parent and spouse.  Then I have to set them aside and remember to die to self.  To let go of perfect. 
 I see the most perfect poses on FB (mine included)....and as I try to take them all in, I once again have to let go of perfect. 
 I see those that have what seems like the perfect family life, the best relatives that live close by, the wonderful relationships, the best ___________, and I have to set that aside, and let go of perfect. 
 I have to find the balance once again in my life of wanting to do better with my time, with my energies, and with my talents- and still letting go of perfect. 
 I have to examine the fact that I WILL FAIL- today, tomorrow, and next week with the fact that I am still alive and ticking.  Along with letting go of perfect. 
 So today may be a great day or one of your hardest.  It may be a huge step forward for you or the two steps back. 
I pray you know that God is not done with you, with me, with our children, with our neighbors, family and friends.  That God doesn't make junk and yes I am talking to myself here, but HE creates love and gives it freely.  That there is always hope because that is the whole reason Jesus came to Earth, shared with the disciples and people, why He chose to die on the cross, and rise again!

We all need healing in many different ways.  We all crave the touch of our Savior.  In order to attain this we have to let go of perfect and just simply seek HIM in ALL THINGS & IN ALL SITUATIONS!  

Here is to me reminding myself to let go of perfect :).

2 comments:

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