Thursday, May 1, 2014

Connectional Parenting

 Today's pictures are brought to you by a trip to Siesta Key Beach :)... last week. 
 So it was a little over a year ago we went to the Empowered To Connect Conference in Orlando.  You know the conference I never wanted to go to in the first place, but Jason said let's go it's only $25 and in Orlando.  OK I guess....but I had thought that Karyn Purvis approach was giving in to everything your children wanted kind of parenting. 
 ;) YEP!  Well....let's just say that I WAS WRONG!  COMPLETELY WRONG!!!!  We decided that we wanted to study even further about Connectional Parenting and took the intensive course in Dallas, TX with Amy & Michael Monroe.  In order to teach the parenting class here locally to help other families, but let's be honest- WE NEEDED HELP FOR OUR FAMILY TOO!!! 
 AND HELP CAME!!!!  Empowered To Connect is now "the way we parent".  It is something we talk about often and we use the techniques daily.  Now don't get me wrong- it is not about perfect parenting!!  Because that would require perfect people.  HA and we are far from that!!! 
 But the fact that we try to remember our children's sensory needs, we try to make sure our children have plenty of water, snacks, and ways to calm themselves down. 
 We remember time ins not time outs. 
We don't send our children out of the room- unless it is imminent danger for us or them ;). 
We use play to connect to our children. 
We ask for hands and eyes. 
We do RE DO's often. 
We say can you try that again in a big girl voice? 
Or Whoa.....can we try that again with respect? 
 We try to remember how our past hurts.....and our buttons affect our reactions to our children.
We remember that our children all come from "hard places" and need our understanding! 
 That sometimes we have to work hard to connect!  Sometimes we have to earn and re-earn their trust!
Some days are just PLAIN HARD!!!!!! 
Some are better!! 
 We have really tried to help remind each other over and over about Compromises, Choices, Redo's, IDEAL responses, Connecting While Correcting, Repair, Balance, Compassion!!!!!  OVER AND OVER!!!!
 I have to say I loved Amy Monroe's response when they first talked with Karyn Purvis - she said she was talking on the phone.....said you are crazy!  And hung up!  Yep, I had that in my mind many times over the past year!!!!  MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I mean- to give voice, compromise, do redo's, choices, saying yes, playing, and doing time in's when really all you want to do is explode at your children???  TAKES AN IMMENSE amount of control- ON MY SIDE!!!!  OYE!!!!!!!!!!!!  There were many times when I I ever going to get this??  EVER??? 
 I think teaching the class last fall was great because we got to relive all we had learned again.  It was a good refresher, and we would need it.  Because moving is hard for children from hard places!!!  In addition to just being hard in general. 
 The extra time spent! 
 The millions of conversations with ourselves, as a couple, and growing the Lord has done in both of us!!!!  It has been a release of control over things I thought were keeping me in control- if that makes sense.  Releasing my hurts, my fears, my insecurities.  Because people- you can't go with your child to the hurting places if you aren't willing to experience those hurts with them. 
 YEP!  That means reliving your hurts too!  That means digging down deep when your child ignores you or rolls their eyes at you!  That means uttering prayers when you feel your temperature rising inside you! 
 It also means a lot more peace in your home.  Not as in- my children are perfect....he he he  BUT as in in your life.  In your heart.  In their hearts- they see a change in you and how you aren't always screaming at them because they have all flipped their lids and made you flip yours! 
 It means that you are able to connect on a much deeper level to help your children!  It means you can relax and enjoy your children even when those days are hard!!!  It means that you can know that it is a temporary set back and not permanent when your child flips their lid and yells I hate you! 
 If you have ever thought I need help!  I need to understand how to help my child.  I encourage you to please go to Empowered To Connect Conference!!!!!  PLEASE!!!!  Fly there!!!!  Do what it takes!!!  Your child is worth it!!!  Your sanity is worth it!!!! 
 Do you long to have connection??  ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!  It is what the scriptures talk about with family.  It is what all our hearts yearn for!  This is not a quick fix!  This isn't a my son does this how can I make him stop.  It is a change in method....a change in your heart...a change in your mindset about why your children do what they do.  It is an understanding about the fact that traditional parenting doesn't always work!   That this form of parenting is also Biblical!!! 
 I believe with all my heart that more than anything else as parents we are to teach our children about faith and grace!  To show them what the Love of God looks like in human form!  I think in our family we have been able to see that through the connections we have made.  Through using different ways to serve our children better with understanding. 
 I was the biggest skeptic!  I thought it was all a bunch of silly "new age" techniques that sounded silly. 
 Until.......we started to see changes.  Not just any changes, but HUGE, POSITIVE changes.  Not just in our children, but in US too!!!!!! 
 Don't forget children from hard places can be hard on your marriages too!  So it is worth it- to help your children heal, to help yourself heal, to help heal your marriage!!!!  :)  GO HERE for more information!!!!!!  Conferences, books, resources, tons of short videos and articles!!!!  PLEASE because I used to think we were alone too.  BUT YOU AREN'T!!! 
***Yes this is's Jason's fault ;) 

We will be getting away this weekend just Jason and I.  Getting some breathing space, some renewal, and some time to just pour into each other.  Would love some prayer because we want to make our marriage strong!  We need each other to parent, to do our work, and to spread Jesus!  :) 


  1. Yes! We've seen an immense amount of healing around here using ETC and BCLC. Do we still have a long way to go? Absolutely! But we are on the road to recovery...and when I think about today versus a year ago...I am amazed and encouraged (when I think about today compared to today, then I am discouraged)...I need to keep the big picture in mind! Thanks for all your blog encouragement!

  2. Check out this website She talks about what using BCLC and ETC look like in everyday life. A Wonderfully encouraging website.