As you can tell this post is action packed! So first off- today's pictures are brought to you by The Moore Family!!!! They are from OK, and are another amazing family with 8 kiddos :). Hezra and I have been friends for quite some time, and have reached out to each other in support on many occasions. It has been a BLESSING to call her friend! Someone you can just text with a prayer and they get it, and are praying! :)
Our kids had a blast together and were instant friends :). It's fun to play with others who have basically the same number of people in their family as you do!
So today's post is about saying YES!
Saying yes to what you may ask???
More specifically- saying YES to our children!!
Some of our children that have come from hard places have a harder time with our No's. It isn't because they think it is fun to "flip their lid" (although as a parent it can certainly feel like it)....it is because it is tougher in general. Their brains have been rewired by the trauma they have faced or the exposure to alcohol and drugs. They have a shorter fuse.
To some it seems as though they are trying our patience ON PURPOSE and with EVIL INTENT! I know I have wondered this at times as well! Why in the world are you acting like this? UGH! Don't you understand that is my "button"......ummm.....exactly.
One way to help our kiddos with the many No's we have to give them in their lifetime. Is to first think about how and when we say no. As well as how and when we say yes.
OK- running with scissors- we have no choice in the matter we must say NO! We must do it quickly, and we have to protect our child. You scoop the scissors out of their hands and say no. You may give some further correction of how we walk with the scissors pointing down by their sides. We explain that it is for their safety. All of that is good and well, but you know what- they still hear NO! And we probably yelled it at them because we were taken back and worried about our baby!
BUT WE STILL SAID NO!
How about that time when they asked for a second cookie, but you didn't have enough to give everyone a second cookie, you are going to sneak those cookies later for yourself, it has been a long day, and you snap out another NO! HEY, I have been there. Don't apologize to me!! BUT it is a another no. I mean you did give them one cookie that should be a treat enough- right?
BUT WE STILL SAID NO!
Have you ever counted how many times a day you say no? I am guessing if you are a normal parent- it is a LOT!
AND IT IS NOT WRONG! You aren't doing something wrong by saying no.
So my next question is......how do you say no? Is it with a mean face? Is it with a strict tone of voice? Is it with the intent to tell your child- bug off? (AGAIN- no condemnation because I AM TALKING TO MYSELF HERE!) After all as parents we are to keep our children from hitting, kicking, biting, being rude to you or others, not eating too much junk food, not hurting themselves.....it is exhausting!
Now, think about your child. The one who has a hard time hearing soooo many no's (for good reason or not). Think about how hard it is to feel like the only thing you say is no. Worse yet- you may say no with a stern look. Which from their point of view might as well be a big you are a loser NO :( This thought breaks my heart!!!! I don't want to be mean to my kiddos. I love them! I don't want them to see my face and think- meanie.
Do I have to love and protect- YES YES YES! Do I have to correct? AMEN! Do I have to be mean about it? NO!
I dare you - go look in the mirror and think of a scenario that happens daily in your home. Now picture yourself looking at your child and saying no. Go ahead- no one is looking....I don't have spy cameras in your home people ;). Although that sounds fun!
What did you see? Was it a bit scary? What do your kids think of your face when you look like that? I dare you to ask them! Because the other thing is what does or doesn't seem scary to an adult can be a world away from what their child sees.
So on the flip side what can you do? I mean you have to say no right? YES you do. How can you say it without saying it? Here are some ways to help your child take it easier. Let's say your child says- mommy I would love to have a pink pony for my birthday. If you are like me- you may say....ummm Hello NO! (sarcasm would be included people).
OK so how about we try that a little differently? Mommy can I have a pink pony? Well that sounds like a fun thing to have! Wouldn't that be cool if there were pink ponies? I think we should go draw one right now! You know it is a bummer, but God didn't make any pink ponies..... Awww.....isn't that too bad? As much as I would love to have a pony, our yard isn't really big enough because ponies need lots of room to play and run too. I love this idea though. .........
Pretty big difference isn't there? The first reaction is short and sweet and to the point. The second takes time, takes creativity, and there may be some disappointment as well......but easier to handle when it isn't an outright NO!
On the other hand- how and when do we say YES? How many times a day do you think you say YES?
How many more times do you say NO than YES? Yep, me too. This is something we are working on though.
Awwww......sweet boy was very very very tired! I am sooo thankful we said YES to him! :)
So how can we say YES more? I think this is something that has to come from you, your lifestyle, what your likes and dislikes are. Whatever you do- figure it out!!!!!
Karyn Purvis talks about being the bubble gum queen. She brings the big bucket o gum with her. Anytime the child asks for a piece of gum respectfully - she gives it to them. ANY TIME!
**Side note if your kiddos have sensory issues this is a huge help as well!!! The Chewing is very helpful!! Trust me ;).
In our home we have implemented this - with sugarless gum instead (not that I am worried....it was what we had already in the home). We have a minty flavor and a fruity flavor. Any time our kids ask for it- they can have a piece.
Yes, but what if they ask about having a piece right before dinner or right before bed......well then we say- you can have a piece....do you want to set it on the counter while you take your nap, and as soon as you get up you can have it?
THE KIDS LOVE IT!!!!!! It is a treat we don't normally give our kids. And we have and will go through lots of gum. But at the end of the day- is it that big of a deal?? NO! I mean- YES! It is a big deal to them!!!!!!! It gives them a sense of YES! Which helps them accept no easier. No easy or completely, but easier!
It builds their trust in us to say YES! Mommy may not say yes all the time, but she is willing to many many many times!
As we have just started this at the beginning of the week....I am thinking our kids have started- yes just started to gain more trust. Trust that we will say yes!
So what can you say yes too? 5 minutes on a mini trampoline? reading a book to them or with them? playing with them for 10 minutes? a gummy bear? playing in the rain? going on a walk with them?
It takes time and energy! It is not easy! BUT WOW!! Think of what could happen if our children could gain more trust in you by saying yes to a piece of gum? Or could understand that you aren't saying now with a mean spirit in your heart? Or no mean looks on your face?
How would this change your relationship with your child? How could this change you?
As for us- this is one of many steps we are implementing to meet our children's needs. If it takes a million pieces of gum to help them realize we are saying yes to them- AWESOME! I am great with that!
**In case you are wondering- yep it rained on us when we met up at a local park! But, ummm.....didn't really slow the kiddos down at all :).
In fact - they danced in the rain :)!!!!!!
WE had so much fun!!
THANK YOU MOORE FAMIILY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had a wonderful day!!
Wonderful memories......
Wonderful new friends.......
and we hated saying goodbye..... :( LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK - REEETTTTTTRRREEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes that is right I said RETREAT! Coming soon here in Florida :).
Registration
for the 2013 Women's Retreat is only open until AUGUST 1ST!!!! This
retreat is for adoptive and foster moms and any women in their lives
that want to support them on their journey. Please make sure you turn in
your registration forms soon! A $50 deposit will hold your place and
the balance will be due by August 1st. Our weekend is packed with
uplifting and fun things to do. You will return to your families very
refreshed and renewed. What a wonderful gift for them as well as you!
5:30-6 Registration
6-6:45 Dinner
7:00-8:30 Session 1 and worship
9:00-10:30 Movie Night
Saturday
8:00-9:00 Breakfast
9:00-10:30 Breakout Session #1
10:30-11:30 Date with God
11:30-12:30 Lunch
12:30-2:00 Breakout Session #2
2:00-5:00 Free Time
5:30-6:30 Supper on the Beach
6:30-8:00 Session 3 and worship
8:00-10:00 PJ Party Panel and Dessert
Sunday
8:00-9:00 Breakfast
9:00-10:30 Service and worship
Loving God’s
Children Women’s Retreat
This
retreat is for adoptive and foster moms, any woman interested in adoption or
fostering, and the women that support these families.
When: September 13-15, 2013
Where: Little Harbor Resort, Ruskin, Florida
Registration
fee: $150 (checks payable to Loving
God’s Children)
Room
Rate: $75/night Standard Room (two double beds)
$92/night Jr Queen Suite (two queen beds
and kitchen)
The
registration includes meals beginning with Friday dinner to Sunday breakfast,
snacks, sodas, retreat materials, and goodie bag. Rooms can be split 4 ways to lighten the cost
and are booked separately through the resort.
Sorry, no
children or spouses are invited to attend.
This event is just for ladies.
For more information- CONTACT :)
Gretchen Sloan
Loving God's Children, Inc.
Founder/Executive Director
813-716-5508
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